Entitlement - A Priviledge or A Problem?

What does entitlement mean to you?  For many of us it means giving ourselves a privilege or reward that we believe we deserve or we've earned. Usually its something material. We usually feel entitlement when we've done something that makes us feel we should be rewarded for our efforts, in some way, besides monetary. The actual definition of the word entitlement is: right granted by law or contract, especially a right to benefits, the act of entitling, the state of being entitled. For those in recovery, for whatever type of addiction, entitlement can be a priviledge or a problem. We all tend to elaborate on that definition of the word entitlement and we take it to a level that appeases us. How many times have you said yourself, ".. I've done such a good job, I deserve a beer!.." or perhaps "..I've worked so hard today I deserve to buy myself something nice!"  When we work hard, we would like to have some sort of reward, besides what we've earned on a monetary basis. Something that we can reward ourselves for getting up and staying on top of all the things we do everyday. Now there's nothing wrong with that, except human beings almost always have the tendency to overextend or overdue their entitlement. One thing I've seen in people along my journey in life is people take so much for granted. As wonderful as we all are, entitlement is right up there with being taken for granted by all of us at some time or another. We justify it by telling ourselves, we deserve it. Now going on vacation, when we can, to renew and refresh ourselves, to get away from it all. There's nothing wrong with that. Thats one of the best things we can do for ourselves. It's awesome when we can do that especially with good friends and loved ones. So long as we don't over do our entitlement. Its very uplifting for anyone.

It becomes a problem when we believe entitlement should be our reward or should be available to us at anytime and for some people with addictive thinking it can cause a relapse back into their addiction. Believing there is no harm in just this one time. It becomes wrong when our sense of entitlement is blown out of proportion and we use it to justify self serving desires or gluttony. Isn't it funny how our addictive thinking waits and hides in the depths of our minds and raises its ugly head when it knows we are about to treat ourselves because we feel entitled? Remember, addictions are not only drugs and alcohol, they are also sex, gambling, shopping, overeating too. People with addictions will always have a struggle with their addictive thinking throughout their lifetime. Of course the struggle gets easier to overcome the longer we stay away from the things that cause us to be addicts. Our thinking has changed for the positive. We become stronger at subduing our addictive thinking. But for some, there are times they tend to lean back on what they may have had as an addiction as a form of entitlement once in a while. What happens is you may start out with your addictive thinking by just having one drink or a taste of your doc, just one turn at the craps table, overextending your credit card for that one little item you must have. Because you did such a great job that day, you feel you are entitled. And you notice that you feel relief, better after having that one drink, that little taste of your doc, that one throw of the dice at the craps table, just that one item that won't overextend your credit card too much. All these things we think to ourselves, because we feel we have entitlement and are entitled. So the next couple of days go by, you do your routine, you work hard, get things done and in the evening when you're relaxing you say to yourself, "..I did such a great job today, I deserve a reward, perhaps a drink...but just one!"  You proceed to have your one drink. It feels good! The alcohol hits your nervous system, it relaxes you, you think "..wow, it's amazing..it's like a prescription medication how it affects you." It was just one drink.

So the next day goes by, you worked hard, got a lot of good stuff done today. You think you have it all under control. You convince yourself to fall back on that one drink, once again, your doc, one more throw of the dice, one more item on the credit card, even overeating because you've earned it. Now because you've been clean/sober for a while, the tools you've learned in recovery and you've used them all this time to stay away from your addiction. You start to realize what you're doing is wrong. Because we've learned to love ourselves, even guilt creeps in our minds about it. You've convinced yourself that "just one" won't hurt. You walk a fine line believing that you can be like people who are not addicts, who don't suffer from an addictive nature. You think you no longer have an addiction, you can control the side of you that is addictive thinking. For most people in recovery, there will always be addictive thinking at some point. Time has gone by, having a sense of entitlement has happened quite a few times. By now, that entitlement, has become 4 or 6 drinks, a few more hits of your doc, more times at that craps table, overeating things you shouldn't eat a few more times. You see the progression. The proverbial addictive snowball at the top of the hill is starting to roll down on you.
If you haven't stopped already, you know its better to stop now! That's when you realize the way you think about entitlement is corrupted by your addictive thinking. People who are no longer addicts, even after so long of being away from their addiction, like a computer file, the way some people see the entitlement process has been corrupted. It's something we all have to work on and learn not to allow our addictive thinking to control what we are entitled to give ourselves or do for ourselves as a form of reward or gratitude. For these people, it's a work in progress that will last their entire lives. The best thing to do is get a handle on it, own it, embrace it, stay a step ahead of it and help others who are just coming into the front door of recovery as they make their way through their positive changes and out to the backyard where seasoned recoveree's already stand.  

Copyright(c)2014.Entitlement-A Priviledge or A Problem? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved. 

Music and Song - Allow Yourself To Feel The Heal

Have you ever noticed how music or a song can lift you up? Even when you're at an uncertain time of your life music/song can reach down inside of you and help you feel better. Even if for a few moments. Its those few moments we need to hold on to that help us to come back from the emotional pain caused by something that may have gone wrong in our lives. Music/song is a healing thing, a tool. It won't solve your troubles but it can be used as a tool to help in feeling better and healing oneself. When we feel better, we are more positive and productive. We can see clearer to finding better solutions. If you're like most humans you really don't like feeling down and out. And so long as you keep your heart open to good things you can lift yourself out of a bad mood or the emotional pain by allowing yourself to feel the healing and uplifting emotion that music/song can bring us. Of course when times call for us to grieve we should always allow for that emotion to run its course. You can't change the fact that there is a lost loved one. Music/song when grieving for a loved one, can bring about happier times you shared because it allows us to remember how much our lost loved one enjoyed that certain song. Or music/song can bring about a happy memory of an experience we shared with a lost loved one. At those times, hold on to those memories and emotions. It can help us to heal.

Grieve when you must, but don't hold on to the grief. Allow it to leave you as well. This goes for anger also. Although at times, anger can be a good motivator we should never hold on to the emotion of anger either. It will harden your heart and burn a hole in your soul. However if you like music, which everyone seems to be touched by some kind or another kind of music, and you're inspired by it, you can also be healed by it. Point of interest: It has been proven that when people are allowed to listen to their favorite music while working, they are actually more productive. Even cows produce more milk when allowed to listen to music. Let yourself hear and feel that music/song. Let it help you to let go of things you may be feeling that may not be good for you to feel. These negative feelings could be what is holding you back from whatever you aspire to achieve. Just like that old saying: "..music soothes the savage beast.." it can also soothe the downsides of life. None of us are impervious to the downsides of life. No matter who you are or where you are in your life, downsides will always rear its awful head at some time or another. Life is full of tribulations. What matters is how do we deal with the throws of life. We should deal with them in a way that can be positive and add to our growing as a spiritual being?  Not religious but spiritual. There is a difference.

When things occur that are out of our control, at first, we may not want to feel or hear anything good because we are adjusting to the feelings of impact of the negative occurrance. Give yourself alittle time to get your head around what has happened to you. But don't dwell in sadness. Then once the sudden abrupt effect of whatever painful or negative experience has eased off alittle, let it go, give it to the universe, God, Buddha or whatever you conceive your higher power to be. Then open your heart and your mind and fill it with the good feelings of healing you recieve by whatever favorite music or song you enjoy. It may sound ridiculous to some people, but maybe thats because they've never tried to let the harmony one recieves from music/song to help in the healing process. Just sitting there comfortably, quiet for a few moments. Allowing the sound to flow through the air, through our minds and body.

 

Let your mind relax, let the hurt and anger float away from you. Ask the universe to help you recover from whatever it may be that is causing disruption in your life. It can be like that while listening to music. Or it can be a more physical experience where you dance around and sing along with your favorite song. Whichever way you choose to help yourself heal. Try it with music/song. You may be surprised to find just how healing this process can be. For those who understand and grasp what I'm trying to say here put on your favorite music/song right now and energize yourself. Allow yourself to feel the heal. It can be very helpful for us all in times of distress. Carry one of your favorite songs or music with you throughout your day. Even if you only hum it to yourself. And if you get the chance to hear it again, throughout your day, then get REenergized by listening to it. Embrace it and allow the good feelings you receive from it to uplift you. It can truly be an inspiration. Enjoy the day.



Copyright(c)2013.Music and Song - Allow Yourself To Feel The Heal.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

Drug Abuse In America - How does it effect our children?

DRUGS ABUSE. It sounds bad, doesn't it? It is bad. It ruins people, it ruins lives, it kills. Did you know that drug abuse can start with children as young as those in elementary school grades? Sad to say it can. Today’s youth face many risks, including drug abuse, violence, and HIV/AIDS. Responding to these risks before they become problems can be difficult.  But by seeing these problems early on and responding to them with care, proper help and understanding, we can do what is needed to help those heading down the destructive path that will only lead to worse outcomes. Drug abuse has serious consequences in our homes, schools, and communities. Researchers [like NIDA- National Institute on Drug Abuse] are also studying older teens who are already using drugs to find ways to prevent further abuse or addiction. You can also find relevant information about drug abuse at: www.drugabuse.gov. Prevention science has made great progress in recent years. Many prevention interventions are being tested in "real-world" settings so they can be more easily adapted for community use. Scientists are studying a broader range of populations and topics. They have identified, for example, effective interventions with younger populations to help prevent risk behaviors before drug abuse occurs.
 
Sometimes people are so busy with their own lives they overlook or ignore a problem such as, drug abuse, becoming a problem. Whether this problem is with themselves, other adults in the home and especially children. Because some parents get so involved with their work and trying to provide for their family, they forget the most important factor of taking care of their family. That is being there for their families. Being an active member of their families development, social structure, activities like school, neighborhood friends and their families, teachers, and other important occurrences in your families lives. Although this can be difficult to do, a parent must make time to the best of their ability to "show up" and be there for their family. Its important to be apart of the development and functions of the family unit. Research has shown that when families that do things together, spend quality time together, they are less likely to have addiction problems than families that live like strangers in the same home.  Of course its not an easy task. This is also why young people that marry will want to plan out their lives together. Plan out having children. Plan to have a plan. Then make that plan the most important part of your lives together. Benjamin Franklin quoted: "If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!" Something to keep in mind as you travel through your journey.

The risk of becoming a drug abuser involves the relationship among the number and type of risk factors (i.e. deviant attitudes and behaviors) and protective factors (i.e. parental support.) The potential impact of specific risk and protective factors changes with age. For example, risk factors within the family have greater impact on a younger child, while association with drug-abusing peers may be a more significant risk factor for an adolescent. While risk and protective factors can affect people of all groups, these factors can have a different effect depending on a person’s age, gender, ethnicity, culture, and environment. Its a fact that when you plant your seed in "good soil" and nurture your garden, it grows healthy. Well why not the same principle for human beings?  Grant it, we'd be kidding ourselves to think that we are the perfect parent. There is no such thing. But as a parent, we fall back on the positive teachings of our parents, we can grow in wisdom, experience and guidance. Parental monitoring and supervision are critical for drug abuse prevention. These skills can be enhanced with training on rule-setting; techniques for monitoring activities; praise for appropriate behavior; and moderate, consistent discipline that enforces defined family rules.

We all know the destructive nature of drug abuse, as well as alcohol abuse. Prescription drug abuse is more apparent than illegal drugs, in some places. Without people getting involved in this planetary epidemic, we will surely stay on the course to moral crumbling. Our greatest asset is our children, they are the future. With proper efforts we can certainly put a big dent in this problem across America. There is always hope. And depending on how your perpective is about your own life, you have the power to make a difference. Whether you're just starting out as a young adult, or you're a veteran survivor of your youth. We have to care. We have to make ourselves aware of this problem and do something about it. It can start in our own homes, right now! By looking into places for help, such as, local area recovery and rehabilitation services, the cdc - wonder program, doing your own research about preventatives, becoming apart of a clean and sober household, can be the main factor in knowing what to do, when to do it and how to help loved ones that may fall into this very destructive way of life. Even though drug abuse in America is in full force, we can do things about it in our own homes, with our families, our social structure. But we have to be willing to take that step to be involved. Are you willing? Are you able? Then lets get busy!

 

 

Copyright(c)2013.Drug Abuse In America - How does it effect our children? Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

 

How Do I Reach Out For Help - What About Support Groups?

Someone has stated that they don't quite understand this sobriety thing, how to reach out or get connected. A lot of people feel that way when first changing their lives for the better. When you've realized that you need to change you've just done what you question. You have already begun reaching out. At this point, getting involved in a home group is very beneficial to you. You can find a variety of information online. GO! You'll see. Be sure to ask where you can get a schedule-book with all the locations and time-schedules in it. Don't feel bad about going to meetings, everyone there has the same goal, more than less. Even though at first we all may feel awkward at an unfamiliar place. Stick with a place for a few visits and get a feel for the group. If you're not comfortable with a place go to another place. Until you feel comfortable about going there all of the time. Its a process, so take your time. But GO! At first it may seem like its useless but it isn't. Then again you may find a place right off that you'll feel really good about. You may also want to check out the selected groups for men or women only. The first step is recognizing that you have to change, so you are already on your way to changing for the better. Now you need to learn the tools of how to deal with keeping to it. Remember how far you would go to get your DOC? (works for Drink or Drug of choice.) Use that same persistence and desire to get the support & learn the tools you need to stick to your sobriety.
Its ALL worth it.  

 

This is one journey that is more successful when you have support from others. Because addiction is very stubborn about staying in your life. It will cause you to have cravings and triggers influenced by the social structure you are subjected to everyday. Its a monkey on your back and its holding on to you very strongly. You'll need to learn how not to give in to it. Because of all the influence there is in society for most of us it can be difficult to overcome, at first. But by having support and direction from your group, you will become strong enough to overcome those influences that would otherwise get the better of you. If you are fortunate enough to connect  with  a "good" sponsor, its a very good idea to do so. You may have to go through a couple of sponsor's though before you find one that really is active in helping you stay clean and sober. But don't despair, you will find one. Although some people may not be as genuine as others, you can connect with the right person. Don't give up trying. A sponser can become an important associate in your journey to staying clean and sober. Look for someone who has been clean and sober for more than 2 years. In doing so, this person has honed the tools for staying away from the addiction. You want someone who has a positive outlook and solid emotional stability. So look for these qualities before you ask someone to be your sponsor.

 

 

What about relationships? One rule of thumb you should always stick to during recovery and that is, NEVER get romantically involved with your sponsor, people in your group, or even people outside of your group. Especially within your first year of going to meetings. Why is this important? Because when you're in the first stages of recovery you are not emotionally ready or prepared to take on any issues that come with a relationship. Just the common events of it can be stressing. A lot of times when things get stressed or go wrong in a relationship, it can cause you to relapse. Sometimes it can cause worse things to happen as well. Its safer for your sobriety and for you to keep any outside emotional demands from occurring. If you're already in a relationship, hopefully your partner is attending meetings as well. Either for themselves or to learn how to support the partner in recovery. Both people in a relationship will need to learn how to deal with sobriety whether both are addicts or not. Also remember just because you are going to a meeting place where most people are working at the same thing, sobriety, don't think that everyone there is a wonderful, trust worthy, supportive person. Even though we'd like to think that about everyone, there will be some people there with their own agenda. They may not be as genuine about their sobriety as others. Something else to keep in mind.

 

                            

All in all attending a support group for any addiction is a very useful tool for people. You get from it what you want by attending. Take the time to talk to someone who has been going to meetings for a long time. Someone who has been clean and sober for a while. You can feel their inner-strength, self assurance and positive attitude. It doesn't matter how many people are at a meeting either. You can attend a small group or a large group, its up to you. But going is key to feeling better and staying clean and sober. You are going because you want to learn to live life on life's terms, without having to use drugs or alcohol to exist. The cravings diminish overtime, the triggers are kept at bay because you've learned how to deal with them. You wake up and actually feel grateful for the day. Like a lot of things, you get out of it what you put into it. But you have to make up your mind to go everyday even more than once a day if necessary. This is your journey to sobriety. You are going to these meetings to help yourself get on the road of a clean, sober and happy life. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your life. You have to take it serious in order for your recovery to be achieved. And it can be achieved even if you're at that point of your addiction where you believe you can't exist without your DOC. As a matter of fact its when you think that.. that its time to get the help you need. Its time to get your life back. Just Go!

 

 

 

Copyright(c)2013.How Do I Reach Out For Help - What About Support Groups? Written by SherrieVitello. All Rights Reserved.

A Hassle Free Life? Dealing With Life's Terms.



Look around you. You may see alot of people whose lives you think are perfect, but the fact is that nobody's life is perfect. Not even the "wonderful-life family" down the block, the ones with the 2 wonderful children, wonderful house, cute little doggie, 2 new cars, 3 huge flatscreen tv's, a John Deer Riding lawnmower and a wonderful weed and crab-grass-free lawn. Although it may not look like it from the outside, everyone has daily stress, absurd situations and problems. There is no one on the planet that has a hassle free life. No matter how good things look. The universe just doesn't work that way. There may be days when life seems idyllic, so enjoy them while they last because the universe is just getting wound up to throw you a curve ball. Its not a matter of IF it will happen, its WHEN. There comes a day when the car breaks down, the cable goes haywire, the dog runs away, you couldn't pay a bill, your nice new truck got broke into overnight, the lawn is sprouting weeds and the mower needs repair and you've just found out that your place of employment is downsizing.

Its no wonder that sometimes daily lives can become overwhelming. Its enough to drive a person crazy. Sometimes it does, sometimes we just break down. Yet basically people find ways to work through the absurdities and pressures and we strive to be happy. For some, they aren't taught about the tools or coping skills necessary to help work through life's daily pressures and stress. Perhaps their parents weren't taught to have solid coping skills either. We can begin to turn to outside influences. Befriending a person who is of good character and influence makes for a good example. Usually a positive influence talks the talk and walks the walk. Just as negative influences will have negative effects. Other influences can be forms of overdone stimulation, like drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, overeating etc. People do these things in order to feel better and to help forget the negatives in their lives. Its an easy way out of dealing with the pressures and not living life on life's terms.

We convince ourselves that we need this outside stimuli in order to feel good about ourselves. But we don't and its only temporary. We usually regret this later on after a bad habit has become an addiction. Maybe, at this point of your life, yours isn't exactly what you had hoped it would be. You may even think of your life as a mess. That's not okay. Unless you've given up on yourself and your life, we all have a responsibility to ourselves and our loved ones. People who have set goals, achieved things, created a life with structure and purpose always feel more complete and happy. If all you do is wake up everyday, do drugs or drink alcohol, you don't do anything constructive, your life will become one stagnant, sad existence. Even in the face of loss, due to a tragic storm, foreclosure on your home, loss of your job, loss of a loved one, whatever the case.

People can and will always rebuild themselves and their lives. Its in our innate nature to survive. To come full circle and back to a plateau of stability. You may not get back everything material you've lost and may not achieve every goal you've had on your bucket list. But by aiming high to reach your goals, you will certainly land above where you are now. Fighting the "good fight" to survive and exist in a state of gratitude or completeness is not an unrealistic aspiration. All things are possible when we believe in it enough to try. Your goal isn't perfection, but progress, day to day, month to month, year to year.  If you can look back and see that progress, know you're moving on, you gain fortitude and motivation which gives you wings. You're doing fine. As you progress, you compare life now with life 6 months ago or even a year ago. You see the progress you've made. It feels good and gives you direction and structure. Which are vital keys to feeling productive, content and living more happily.

*If you're in recovery, and this is your beginning, first off, you are not alone. For some people, the first year of getting back on solid ground, is a case of one step forward two steps back. You may finish the first few weeks not noticeably advanced from the day you started your journey. Perhaps you were in such a dense fog of addiction, for so long, that now you feel you are incapable of dealing with everyday life situations. If this is your case, you should embrace that fact and get the help you need. It may take a little longer for someone with that scenario to see improvements, but they will. Inevitably, in such a case, the time it takes to build a solid foundation for recovery is prolonged but still possible. Many of these people aren't ready to move on after a year or even 2 years. That could be your situation. If it is, don't despair. You have already started improving your life by acknowledging that you need to be in recovery. That's awesome! You're building a foundation for that new positive, productive person you will become. If you rush through that foundation then you're sure to regret it when the walls cave in on you. Take the time you need or you may find yourself relapsing and having to begin over again on a new road to recovery.  All life is precious, share your knowledge and help those who need help. You'll be a better person in doing so. Enjoy the day.


Copyright(c)2013.A Hassle Free Life? Dealing With Life's Terms.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.
 

Self Pity (The Emotional Parasite)

                                     

*Self-pity is a parasite that feeds on itself. Many of us are inclined towards self-pity, not allowing for the balance of life's natural tragedies. We will face good and bad times--and they will pass. With certainty they will pass. The attitude "Why me?" hints at the little compassion we generally feel for others' suffering. Our empathy with others' even our awareness of their suffering, is generally minimal. We are much too involved in our own. Were we less self-centered, we'd see that blessings and tragedies visit us all in equal amounts.  Some people respond to their blessings with equanimity, and they quietly remove the sting from their tragedies. We can learn to do both. Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways. 

We need not get caught by self-pity. We can always feel it coming on. And we can always let it go. Self-pity may beckon today, fortunately, we can learn that we have other choices.
(*The above paragraph, excerpt was taken from the wonderful book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey.)

 

"Why does this happen to me? Nothing ever goes right!"

We all have at some point in our lives had this emotion of "self pity." It is emotionally draining. Like a parasite feeding on our emotions. Its a human or natural emotion brought on by sadness, things not working out the way we'd like them to, self doubt and even by other people. Even though we all have the ability to swing down into self pity, we shouldn't. Self pity can cause a clean/sober person to fall back into their addiction. It can also cause a person whom never had an addiction to start one. Its a "negative emotion."  But it doesn't have to lead to a negative outcome for us.  Don't confuse Self-pity with Grief. Grief is feelings that accompany any kind of loss. Feelings of loss and to mourn the loss. Unlike Self Pity which is feelings of shame or guilt that is a result of deeper, more painful feelings that seem impossible for a person to reveal, even blocking or surpressing any chance of a positive outcome.  

 

Sometimes when we try to listen and then help someone, by showing them that they're allowing self pity to get the better of them, can cause them to become angry. This is due to shame, guilt or hiding of hurtful unexpressed feelings. Emotional pain that leads us to block the helpful or positive feelings that can help us to feel better.  Self pity can cause us to hide the feelings that we feel are shameful. Its also an addictive emotion, at times giving us a sense of pleasure, hiding us from reality.  As human beings, we have free will, which allows us to make choices in our lives. Remember its us, ourselves that can direct our own thinking and thought patterns.  The worse thing you can do to yourself is allow others to direct how you feel. That can be extremely destructive emotionally for anyone.

 

Learning how not to allow self pity to take control everytime things seem difficult or insurmountable will be key to developing a sense of a positive outlook, understanding and confidence.  Being a good listener to those who are in the self pity state of mind is very helpful. Respecting the self pity sufferer's privacy is paramount.  In other words keep it private, don't go telling everyone. Once that person has purged or expressed their deep emotional pain to you, then you can begin to help them heal by suggesting a positive resolve to their emotional dilemma.  At all costs don't become so emotionally involved that you could fall into shame or self pity youself due to what you may hear your suffering friend tell you. Have empathy, be realistic and find the positive side to whatever the solution could be. Help and encourage your friend or loved one to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In doing this you can help the self pity sufferer onto the road of healing and recovering and you'll feel gratified that you were able to help. You'd be suprised at the healthy results of a good listener and positive input. Hug each other and go about your day.

 

 

Copyright(c)2013. Self Pity(The Emotional Parasite)Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

 

   

 

 

Way Beyond The Time For Change

What if you woke up one morning and realized
you're the dissappointment?

So it's 6:30am and time to wake up. For the longest time you can remember feeling like crap as soon as you became conscious. You would almost come to tears because you knew it was time to get up and face the day. (Same s**t, different day) was how you felt. Until of course you got your fix for the day. Once you started using you loved waking up, because you knew you would be able to get your morning fix and feel right again. Knowing it sounds ridiculous, even sad, that you looked forward to using just so you'd feel right. But sad to say, that's what happens when a person is an addict. Everything seems better when we've had our DOC (drug of choice.)Until things start to fall apart, you get into trouble, or you just ignore your addictive lifestyle. It will keep snow balling out of control, until you realize how altering your thoughts of addiction causes change.

In the beginning of using, we believe its new, satisfying, even exciting to know you're about to get your fix. But after awhile its just an addiction, ball and chain, monkey on your back. It becomes a problem in one way or another. Things start going wrong for you, family and some friends stop coming around you, good relationships fall away, you get into trouble. You know in your heart that you're not living the way you were meant to. What if you woke up one morning and realized you're the dissappointment? The addict thinks how good it would feel to feel right without having to use. Its alarming to know how many are functioning addicts. They go to work and confront the day with confidence. Nothing bothers them, so long as they have their stash so they could bump themselves up (when needed) throughout the day. And no one knew of their ball and chain of addiction. As their addiction progresses, they wanted it even more, to feel this way clean. Although they love the way their drug of choice made them feel, they knew in their hearts this could not last. The addict comes to a fork in the road of their lives. They wonder why things don't go better for them.They will either get help and stop using and change their lives for the better or they will continue down their road of self destruction and give up on themselves. That is such a shame and a waste because life itself, is a gift.

Example photo:
Left pic is how Ann looked at
her worst time as a addict.
Right pic is how she
looks now clean
and happy.

In this example this addict decided to stop killing themselves and changed for the better. So how do they feel now? Now that they are no longer using? Since it's been about a year now they actually do feel good when they wake up. It took looking inside of oneself and some attitude adjustments to change the negative feelings into positive ones. Alot of meetings and positive readings. But when you want something so bad it hurts, you'd be surprised how strong you can become. For most, what they've learned was that they have to change how they feel about their lives, about themselves. It can take some time, but it can be accomplished. When the addict gets sick of being sick, realization of knowing you need to change is the first step to recovery.

Humans can achieve alot more than they think they can once they get passed the fear of being without the addiction and giving themselves a chance to achieve a better way of living. If we think of the possibilities instead of the obstacles, focus on the things we want, NOT the things we don't want, attract the positive, we can do wonders with ourselves and our lives. But you have to be willing to look at yourself, see what you've become, know you ARE more than your addiction or a quick fix. For the amount of people in the U.S. alone, all of the experience people have gained going through recovery and overcoming their addictions, still those who are stuck in their addictions will rarely heed the advice of those who've been through it and have come out on the otherside, free of their addiction. When the fear of getting high becomes greater than the fear of being clean, you'll know it's way beyond the time for change.

Enjoy the day.

Written by Sherrie Vitello/inserts by Celeste Vitello(c)2011.Way Beyond The Time For Change.All Rights Reserved.

How Addiction Effects Our Life of Purpose.

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose" When I read this quote I realized that this is what everyone needs to live by in order to feel content, gratitude and happy about their lives. Having a purpose. When a human-being has no purpose in their lives they are much more susceptible to staying or becoming addicts. Be it drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-shopping, to name a few. Everyone of us feels the need to have purpose, be needed, feel worthy, have approval, even being looked up to. When we lack those feelings we feel empty inside and we tend to "make up" (sort of speak) for that emptiness. We do that by developing habits. Some people develop good habits and some people develop bad habits. When we are addicts we need to stop the bad habit and replace it with a good habit. So its stand to reason that when a person doesn't have these emotional-tanks filled to some degree, they are more likely to fall off the path of staying clean and sober.

We must continue at all costs to strive to have purpose in our lives. It won't be given to us. With purpose we are given the air under our wings that lifts us up away from our unhealthy addictions. Why does having a life of purpose effect us so much? I did some research about this and found some very interesting facts about how "purpose" effects our brains. Because of our limbic system located in our brains. This part of our brain directs emotion and behavior. The limbic system sets the emotional tone of information before it reaches the cortex, where most of our thinking and learning takes place. Our limbic system interprets and directs emotions and behavior. Then these emotions are sent to the cortex where it is processed. When we have purpose in our lives we have emotions of fulfillment and contentment. This is a positive state of mind and our limbic system interprets this as positive information.

Which gives us a feeling of purpose and directs our behavior to achieve and meet our goals. Of course when our feelings get hurt or we have emotional trauma in our lives, it makes us feel unhappy as if we have no purpose at all. Especially when we have not learned how to cope with or deal with negative situations very well. These kinds of emotions can lead us to finding ways to comfort ourselves, over eat, self medicate or drink too much, to forget how we're really feeling. And this happens alot to alot of people. Now think for a moment just how using drugs, alcohol or overeating (which are the 3 most common forms of addiction) will effect us. First by using artificial stimulus (some-thing external that influences an activity such as drugs, alcohol, over eating) we end up saturating our brains due to the overflow of chemicals. Drugs, alcohol or overeating effect our brains by acting to enhance or interfere with the activity of neuro- transmitters and receptors within the synapses of the brain.

Our brains are made up of neurons ( aka nerves) so whatever drugs or chemicals we put into our bodies will get to our brains but the effects are destructive not productive. This is why after so many years of drug addiction, alcoholism or over eating the effects on our brains and bodies start to take over. We've all seen people that have been addicts for a long time and the abuse they subject their bodies to, the end results are unpleasant to see. Whenever you think about something, sense something or do something, what is happening at the level of the brain is that various neurons are sending information to one another concerning what you are thinking, sensing or doing. It is at the level of this inter-neuron communication that most drugs have their effects. Either by over stimulating or preventing proper function. So the idea that we are making ourselves feel better by continuing with an addiction is in reality a harmful and false state of mind. And we cause more damage to our brains than we truly know or want to admit to.

Because our addictive thinking has clouded our reasoning and doesn't want us to stop being addicts. It's a demon we have to fight in order to gain control over our health and quality of life. When you really think about how addictions effect your brain and body to this degree. You can build on that knowledge of how to start stopping your addiction. We all know that addiction isn't good for us. But when we step back and see the true damage and we learn how our addictions really hurt us and how it disrupts our lives. We can then see that it's up to us as an individual to stop blaming everyone and everything else, take responsibility for your actions and to get the help
needed to stop being an addict. To allow ourselves to gain control and achieve a positive lifestyle, state of mind and a happier life. It is only when the addict can addmit they have this problem, they can't fix it alone and they reach out for help that they are truly on the path to recovery. We can then understand the true meaning of "getting high on life!"  Enjoy the day.

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  Copyright(c)2011-2012. How Addiction Effects Our Life of Purpose. Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Addiction and Denial - The 2 Components That Make Up Addiction.

   I was researching some ideas about articles on addiction and I came across Dr.  Robert Lefever's video's. I reviewed a few of them and found that they really focus on the indepth problems of addiction. The how's, why's, what can be done, how can I help myself, etc. The 3 most common addictions are alcohol, drugs, and eating disorders(both anorexia & bulimia.) The one thing I found was although we don't recognize it when we're actively in our addiction, we do have control over what happens to us. Once we accept the fact that we need to get help. We can overcome the powers of the addiction. But we first have to acknowledge and except that we need help to fight our problem.

Take a moment and have a look at this video, which is informative and very helpful for any of us either just beginning to get clean and sober or to help us stay on track of our sobriety. Dr.  Lefever makes some really "right on the head" points. He knows what will work for addicts who want to change for the better. He himself was an addict for 21 years, he didn't think he had a problem either, like alot of addicts think. Until the pain of his addiction was so bad that he had to make a change. Watch the video, you'll see what I mean. It just might help to get someone back on the right track to living instead of killing themselves.
Thanks for watching and reading my post. Enjoy the day!

Dr Robert Lefever-MA, MB, B Chir. - In 1986, Founded The PROMIS Recovery Centre, which pioneered and developed a new approach combining the benefits of several proven therapeutic models. The approach was so radical it was initially met with scepticism by the medical press. However, word rapidly spread, through patients’ recommendations, that the approach was miles ahead of anything else available. We quickly established ourselves as the only place to go.

Parents and The Addict-Child

Parents blame themselves alot of the time when their child has been found out to be using drugs or alcohol. We wonder 'what did we do wrong?'...'didn't we love our child enough?'...'was it the way I lived my life?' Sometimes this can cause a parent so much stress that they begin using just to keep the guilt away.  Of course, that's not the normal reaction, but it does happen. A parent can begin to feel affraid of their own child. But with diligence, honesty, and reaching out for help, a parent can find ways to help their child.

Often when a child is using they isolate themselves, they withdraw from family. From friends who don't use. They begin to lie to their parents. They can even steal from family members, friends, from work, even from strangers. An addict does these things because the greatest fear an addict has is not being able to feed their addiction. Don't get me wrong not all addicts steal, but there is a majority that do things that they would never do when clean and sober. It can become a nightmare for both addict and the parents.

As the addict-child begins sinking into their down fall of addiction, they may overdose themselves, they have seen friends overdose or maybe even die. They begin to justify why they use. The addict-child will convince themselves that they cannot live without their drug of choice. They convince themselves that their addiction makes their lives feel right. But that's just the addiction taking over. The addicts family feels powerless as well. Eventually the addict will lose everything, they could even get arrested, or end up in the hospital. Hitting bottom is the term for this.

What can a parent do?  It's not an easy ride, that's for sure. Once a parent is sure that their child is using, onething a parent can do is NOT become an enabler. Seek help for dealing with addictions that can be utilized and can help a parent cope and deal with this problem. Their are many resources in our communities that can assist in getting your child back on the right track. But be honest about this to yourself, the child, now an addict will probably go kicking and screaming. It may even take several attempts before the addict-child will see the light. But be diligent, don't give up. Their addiction is usually the addict-childs only way of crying out for help.
Note: These resolves can also help adult-addicts get the help they need.

Written by: Sherrie Vitello

The Holidays are Among Us

Well everyone the holidays are upon us once again. This year just flew by didn't it?  With the holidays comes some temptations and triggers for alot of us. That eggnog sure looks goods. Party times are everywhere. For those who are working on staying clean and not falling for temptation to our addictions, this post is for you.

At work, with friends, with family...there are moments when we question our sobriety. We may even go as far as to think, "it's the holidays...it's only once a year, why not?"...or sure having "one" drink isn't bad. Even to think, smoking alittle tainted weed won't hurt. Some of us might even be tempted by some friends that will say; "Come on...it's just one line."  Friends we really shouldn't be around in the first place, but sometimes it happens.

This is where everything you know about staying clean/sober will come into action. Whatever you do...don't give into temptation. Don't be fooled by the thought of; "it's only once a year."  What happens when we do fall from grace of sobriety is the "domino effect."  Not to say that some folks can't say "No thanks!" to the occassional invitation to use.   

But for those who are tempted or think about using, you must be strong!  Just as a giant snowball starts out very small, so does our relapse. So have a soda or seltzer with lime, walk away from those who are using drugs at that party. Of course if you do relapse...that doesn't mean you have to stop your recovery all together. You may feel guilty about relapsing but don't fret...you can always reclaim your sobriety again.

Of course that doesn't mean it's ok for you to use once in awhile...it isn't.  The whole concept of getting clean/sober and staying that way is the resolve you want from your recovery. Alot of the time we relapse due to the influences around us. So you might want to consider who you are associated with. In recovery it's wise to stop associating with certain people because they become toxic to our recovery. I call these people 'toxic-friends'. 

Remember...a true friend  would understand that you are cleaning up your act and they won't try to influence you to use. A  true friend   won't use drugs or alcohol when they come around you. You might want to keep that in mind when you are around people you consider friends that are not clean or sober. Of course we as addicts will find ourselves thinking, "Gee...I need a drink to have a good time."  I struggle with this one all the time.

But once you realize that this in only the addiction talking, it helps to get rid of the craving. Get yourself a non alcoholic drink and just let that feeling go, get into the activity or create one. This way you won't have time to just sit there and think about getting high. Have a wonderful holiday everyone!

Enjoy the day.  :)

Written by; Sherrie Vitello

A Wonderful Quote from Celeste Vitello, Author of the Book: Through This Addicts Eyes. " When the pain of getting high is greater than the fear of getting clean, it's time to change."

Self Pity (the parasite)

Self-pity is a parasite that feeds on itself.  Many of us are inclined towards self-pity, not allowing for the balance of life's natural tragedies.  We will face good and bad times--and they will pass.  With certainty they will pass.  The attitude "Why me?" hints at the little compassion we generally feel for others' suffering.  Our empathy with others' even our awareness of their suffering, is generally minimal.  We are much too involved in our own.  Were we less self-centered, we'd see that blessings and tragedies visit us all in equal amounts. 

                                                          
Some people respond to their blessings with equanimity, and they quietly remove the sting from their tragedies.  We can learn to do both.  Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways.  We need not get caught by self-pity.  We can always feel it coming on. And we can always let it go.  Self-pity may beckon today, fortunately, we can learn that we have other choices.
Taken from the wonderful book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey