Music and Song - Allow Yourself To Feel The Heal

Have you ever noticed how music or a song can lift you up? Even when you're at an uncertain time of your life music/song can reach down inside of you and help you feel better. Even if for a few moments. Its those few moments we need to hold on to that help us to come back from the emotional pain caused by something that may have gone wrong in our lives. Music/song is a healing thing, a tool. It won't solve your troubles but it can be used as a tool to help in feeling better and healing oneself. When we feel better, we are more positive and productive. We can see clearer to finding better solutions. If you're like most humans you really don't like feeling down and out. And so long as you keep your heart open to good things you can lift yourself out of a bad mood or the emotional pain by allowing yourself to feel the healing and uplifting emotion that music/song can bring us. Of course when times call for us to grieve we should always allow for that emotion to run its course. You can't change the fact that there is a lost loved one. Music/song when grieving for a loved one, can bring about happier times you shared because it allows us to remember how much our lost loved one enjoyed that certain song. Or music/song can bring about a happy memory of an experience we shared with a lost loved one. At those times, hold on to those memories and emotions. It can help us to heal.

Grieve when you must, but don't hold on to the grief. Allow it to leave you as well. This goes for anger also. Although at times, anger can be a good motivator we should never hold on to the emotion of anger either. It will harden your heart and burn a hole in your soul. However if you like music, which everyone seems to be touched by some kind or another kind of music, and you're inspired by it, you can also be healed by it. Point of interest: It has been proven that when people are allowed to listen to their favorite music while working, they are actually more productive. Even cows produce more milk when allowed to listen to music. Let yourself hear and feel that music/song. Let it help you to let go of things you may be feeling that may not be good for you to feel. These negative feelings could be what is holding you back from whatever you aspire to achieve. Just like that old saying: "..music soothes the savage beast.." it can also soothe the downsides of life. None of us are impervious to the downsides of life. No matter who you are or where you are in your life, downsides will always rear its awful head at some time or another. Life is full of tribulations. What matters is how do we deal with the throws of life. We should deal with them in a way that can be positive and add to our growing as a spiritual being?  Not religious but spiritual. There is a difference.

When things occur that are out of our control, at first, we may not want to feel or hear anything good because we are adjusting to the feelings of impact of the negative occurrance. Give yourself alittle time to get your head around what has happened to you. But don't dwell in sadness. Then once the sudden abrupt effect of whatever painful or negative experience has eased off alittle, let it go, give it to the universe, God, Buddha or whatever you conceive your higher power to be. Then open your heart and your mind and fill it with the good feelings of healing you recieve by whatever favorite music or song you enjoy. It may sound ridiculous to some people, but maybe thats because they've never tried to let the harmony one recieves from music/song to help in the healing process. Just sitting there comfortably, quiet for a few moments. Allowing the sound to flow through the air, through our minds and body.

 

Let your mind relax, let the hurt and anger float away from you. Ask the universe to help you recover from whatever it may be that is causing disruption in your life. It can be like that while listening to music. Or it can be a more physical experience where you dance around and sing along with your favorite song. Whichever way you choose to help yourself heal. Try it with music/song. You may be surprised to find just how healing this process can be. For those who understand and grasp what I'm trying to say here put on your favorite music/song right now and energize yourself. Allow yourself to feel the heal. It can be very helpful for us all in times of distress. Carry one of your favorite songs or music with you throughout your day. Even if you only hum it to yourself. And if you get the chance to hear it again, throughout your day, then get REenergized by listening to it. Embrace it and allow the good feelings you receive from it to uplift you. It can truly be an inspiration. Enjoy the day.



Copyright(c)2013.Music and Song - Allow Yourself To Feel The Heal.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

Self Pity (The Emotional Parasite)

                                     

*Self-pity is a parasite that feeds on itself. Many of us are inclined towards self-pity, not allowing for the balance of life's natural tragedies. We will face good and bad times--and they will pass. With certainty they will pass. The attitude "Why me?" hints at the little compassion we generally feel for others' suffering. Our empathy with others' even our awareness of their suffering, is generally minimal. We are much too involved in our own. Were we less self-centered, we'd see that blessings and tragedies visit us all in equal amounts.  Some people respond to their blessings with equanimity, and they quietly remove the sting from their tragedies. We can learn to do both. Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways. 

We need not get caught by self-pity. We can always feel it coming on. And we can always let it go. Self-pity may beckon today, fortunately, we can learn that we have other choices.
(*The above paragraph, excerpt was taken from the wonderful book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey.)

 

"Why does this happen to me? Nothing ever goes right!"

We all have at some point in our lives had this emotion of "self pity." It is emotionally draining. Like a parasite feeding on our emotions. Its a human or natural emotion brought on by sadness, things not working out the way we'd like them to, self doubt and even by other people. Even though we all have the ability to swing down into self pity, we shouldn't. Self pity can cause a clean/sober person to fall back into their addiction. It can also cause a person whom never had an addiction to start one. Its a "negative emotion."  But it doesn't have to lead to a negative outcome for us.  Don't confuse Self-pity with Grief. Grief is feelings that accompany any kind of loss. Feelings of loss and to mourn the loss. Unlike Self Pity which is feelings of shame or guilt that is a result of deeper, more painful feelings that seem impossible for a person to reveal, even blocking or surpressing any chance of a positive outcome.  

 

Sometimes when we try to listen and then help someone, by showing them that they're allowing self pity to get the better of them, can cause them to become angry. This is due to shame, guilt or hiding of hurtful unexpressed feelings. Emotional pain that leads us to block the helpful or positive feelings that can help us to feel better.  Self pity can cause us to hide the feelings that we feel are shameful. Its also an addictive emotion, at times giving us a sense of pleasure, hiding us from reality.  As human beings, we have free will, which allows us to make choices in our lives. Remember its us, ourselves that can direct our own thinking and thought patterns.  The worse thing you can do to yourself is allow others to direct how you feel. That can be extremely destructive emotionally for anyone.

 

Learning how not to allow self pity to take control everytime things seem difficult or insurmountable will be key to developing a sense of a positive outlook, understanding and confidence.  Being a good listener to those who are in the self pity state of mind is very helpful. Respecting the self pity sufferer's privacy is paramount.  In other words keep it private, don't go telling everyone. Once that person has purged or expressed their deep emotional pain to you, then you can begin to help them heal by suggesting a positive resolve to their emotional dilemma.  At all costs don't become so emotionally involved that you could fall into shame or self pity youself due to what you may hear your suffering friend tell you. Have empathy, be realistic and find the positive side to whatever the solution could be. Help and encourage your friend or loved one to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In doing this you can help the self pity sufferer onto the road of healing and recovering and you'll feel gratified that you were able to help. You'd be suprised at the healthy results of a good listener and positive input. Hug each other and go about your day.

 

 

Copyright(c)2013. Self Pity(The Emotional Parasite)Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

 

   

 

 

                  

Shadow of my Pen            

Shadow of my pen
caught my tired eye
Writing without reason
Follows my desire
Walk along beside me
Tip by tip we blend
Feeling all the rhythm
Flowing through my hand

All the letters bouncing
A bigger life than I
As my pen it dances
Where I choose to fly
Will I share my passion?
To keep my dream alive
Or will I let it slip?
Without the will to try



Stumbled down I have
Lied there reaching out
For anything to help me
Understand what life's about
Now I see this purpose
It has brought me to my knees
But this never ending circus
Keeps me in displease

Still I keep on writing
Through my sense of doubt
Just so I can show you
What I think life's about.

Taken from her book; an inspirational read that touches on emotions, realization & acceptance with the dilemma of addiction:  Through This Addicts Eyes  By:  Celeste Vitello
(Thanks for reading!)Read more & find it here:  http://bit.ly/Throughthisaddictseyes

Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.

Someone once said - "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living." (Author Unkown)

A dear friend sent me this parable the other day and its been on my mind ever since. I keep seeing how it relates so well to those that are struggling with their happiness. What are the causes of them living an  unhappy life?  No matter what we say to those we care about, who are at a bad time in their life, its so hard sometimes to make one see a better way. Its actually heart wrenching to know that someone we love and care about is living a life of self destruction. So much so that they can't even see their own way out of it. What can we do for them? We can offer them support and guidance, hoping that it may help them, but unless these people change from within nothing we do will really help. Whatever our loved one may be suffering from that makes their lives miserable, the actual cause of it we can despise, but we shouldn't despise that person who is suffering from it. It could be happening to anyone of us. 

Even when we've tried so hard to help someone we care about that is struggling in their lives we eventually get that sinking feeling inside that we can't do anything more for them. We can find ourselves feeling at a loss, what do we do now? No one has the right answer here because we can't control people, not really. Unless they want to be controlled and those folks usually end up living in some controlling type situation somewhere. One thing is certain, we don't stop loving someone close to us that is living a life that is out of control. We offer comfort and support in anyway we can. We talk with them with love and concern. We keep telling them that things can be better for them. We show them the path to take and hope they'll take it. Most of all, for our own sanity and our own happiness, we can't blame ourselves for the way someone we love and care about has chosen to live.

Discover more about Unshakeable Self Confidence Here. Get your free download.

Parents can nurture, teach and love their children. Show them the right path to take. But it will be up to that child, once grown, they become responsible for their character and the way they live. That doesn't mean we should just not care about what happens to those we care about that have problems in their lives. Of course we care, we love this person. When we care deeply about someone who is having problems in their lives, it gives us an opportunity to help that person rebuild how they see things in their lives. Even words of encouragement can shine a light at the end of the tunnel for this person. Letting them know that there is a better way to live. There is hope.

Which brings me to how I interpret the parable above. Its important to understand that sometimes in our lives we need to turn and walk away from the lives we may be living. That which is causing us to be miserable. Some of the people in our lives that are dragging us down, influencing negative outcomes or surpressing our healthy attitudes are what I call, toxic people. We may even like these people, but they are contributing to how our lives are panning out and why our lives seem like they are going no where. Our circumstance of how we are living is also a factor as to why our lives seem hopeless, like its going no where fast. Same s**t different day kind of attitude towards living. This will also make us feel like our lives are just useless. But it isn't. Sometimes we just can't see clear or beyond it. It can be like we're falling into a black hole and see no way out. But there is. How?

By change. Change from focusing on the bad things in our lives and focus on the "what if" scenario. The possibilities instead of the obstacles. By that I mean, start thinking about 'what if' I try to feel better about myself, 'what if' I change my job for something more appealing to me, 'what if' I stop drugging or drinking, 'what if' I begin to want to be alive, 'what if' I leave this lifestyle that I've grown accustom to and change it, obviously its not making me happy. 'What if' I start trying to improve myself. As you begin to focus on the "what if" scenario you'll come to a point where you'll ask yourself, "well do I really want to change?" This is where you will face your demons. Now you have to choose, you are at a crossroads. If I were you, I would start to focus on the things you want out of life not the things you don't want. You are responsible for your life. Make it count. Getting involved with people that help to build you up not tear you down. People that are focused on building a better life can be a wonderful influence.  

 Most importantly, learn to forgive. Forgiveness will put out the flame of guilt, anger and animosity. You can start with forgiving yourself. Sometimes we carry within ourselves, things that we're not proud we did, or things that we've done that hurt others. This can weigh heavily on our hearts. You can make ammends with some but you have to let it go and forgive yourself. Then forgive those who have done you wrong. This can be most uplifting for us. Emotionally and spiritually. Its like purging your system of something that was making you ill. This can be, in no doubt the point of never returning to your old ways of thinking and living. Because once you've forgiven these things, you have opened the door to caring for and loving yourself. It's alright..you can love yourself now.  

Everyone eventually learns that life is way too short. I'm still trying to get my brain around how fast it continues to be. And the older we get, the faster it goes. So what do we do when we know we only get so much time to do things? We do as much as we can that will be of benefit for our lives, right? So doesn't it make sense to use what time we have to be as happy and productive as each of us can be? Of course. So we must strive to be happy inspite of all the bs in the world and in our lives. We'll be a better person for it too. But mostly we'll be a happy person and we'll be able to share that happiness with others. I don't know about you all, but I love making others happy because it does make me happy. So sharing the wisdom from life experience, positive advice or words of encouragement, for me, makes me happy to know it just may help someone out there.

And lastly, do you remember when you were younger, and you played games? You would get all excited inside about that one move you were going to make that you knew would allow you to win the game? That was a great feeling. But then sometimes you couldn't win or you moved to the wrong spot and lost. Then you felt kind of bad. But you didn't give up. Because you knew you would have another turn to try again or you knew you would play that game again. And you'd say .."awww, I lost, but I'll win next time!" Well the same principle still applies when we've grown up. We try things out in our lives and some times we don't make it. We may grieve some when we've failed. But remember success is not final and failure is not fatal, its having the courage to carry on that matters. So you try again, something else, it just might be the right thing for you. Think of all you can learn by looking at life this way. Think of all the things you can teach others. Learn to get excited about your life. Life is full of twists and turns. Living it in the haze of an addiction or just giving up on life is cheating yourself out of truly being happy. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy the day.

The person you are is the very Essence of your Being. This Being might be called your soul, your higher self, or your authentic self. The label isn't important, just the acknowledgement that you are more than the physical person reading these words right now. Unshakeable Self Confidence
Get your Free download.


Written by Sherrie Vitello

Copyright(c)2011.Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

      
       

The Birth Of Violence - A Theory on How and Why It Exist

What is it about human beings that makes us resort to violence? Sometimes I ponder this question and wonder why humans are so easily angered into violent acts. If we think about it, violence has been in human behavior since the dawn of time. Cane and Able for example; Cane being the first murderer and Able being the first murdered victim. All over Cane being jealous of Able. Did this set the path for human behavior? Or were we created this way? If this set the path or we were created this way, either way, I believe our creators were NOT perfect. (Note: I refer to God as "our creator's" due to whats written in the bible, Genesis 1-26.) For those who believe God is the only one, the only creator, or that God stems from several creators, no matter which one we believe, he's not perfect. Frankly I believe God is an extraterrestrial and that there are many others like him, but thats my belief.

Anyway, back to the point. How could an entity(God or Creator)be so perfect and create us and allow us to have violent tendencies? In Genesis 1-26, And God said: 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.'  Now I'm no english major, but the last time I checked, the word "OUR" meant; Used to denote oneself and another or others. In other words: US. My point here is since he created us in his image, does this mean that they also had violent tendencies? God obviously got pissed off at Adam and Eve and then kicked them out of Eden for gaining knowledge after Eve was persuaded to eat that dam apple...right?  Even though stated as punishment, could this be a form of violence?

Why do we human beings loose our tempers, say nasty things to each other, strike each other, kill each other, if we're not wired for that reaction? Sure anger is an emotion, but why do we have that emotion? We must have been created that way. I know God gave us "Free will" so we could choose our behavior, make our own choices. But...if violent tendencies weren't apart of our makeup, we wouldn't have them. So we must have been created with them. That makes me believe that our creators had violent tendencies too. If our dna strand makes up what we are, then perhaps those humans that are more violent than others might have a corrupted peice in that dna strand that causes them to be able to hurt others without remorse. Of course most humans may get angry sometimes, which is an emotional response. But some humans can't seem to control that anger and it explodes into violent acts and even murder. Whoa...thats getting too heavy.

One thing is, I know alot of people "go wrong" in their lives due to their childhood being messed up. But alot of people had bad experiences in their childhood and they don't go around being violent to others. They live a normal peaceful life. Then you have the flip side to that and have people that were raised in well-to-do households and they went totally off the path of living a peaceful, happy life and decided to go out and kill some innocent person. It just doesn't add up. Anyway, there you have some theories on violent behavior and why it exists. All I know is the history of human beings has always had violence in it. I'm not sure if psychiatrists or medical science will ever find a way to resolve this problem. I guess we should try to live by The Serenity Prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Have a peaceful day.

Written By Sherrie Vitello


Copyright(c) 2011. The Birth Of Violence-A Theory on How and Why It Exists by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

What can be done about those "low-times."

We all have those days when we feel a "low time", things aren't flowing as well as we'd like them to. Not so much depression, just a "not so up feeling." Our positive thoughts and ideas have taken a back seat to feeling low and unmotivated. Don't despair...this does happen to all of us at some point or another. It could be due to things happening in the world around us or a sad time in our lives, due to the loss of someone we love or something that meant alot to us. Or just the daily grind of trying to make a living. Usually this "low time" is short lived. But if you're having trouble getting over something like this, no doubt, reach out to someone for help or get professional counseling. Don't be apprehensive about applying what is available to us in our time of need. We are not robots, we are feeling, emotional, caring human beings, at least most of us are, so reaching out for some support is not a bad thing. It could help you save your sobriety and get you back on track.

You can also give it a few days and see how you're feeling. For women, I would suggest this especially because we have hormone swings every month and they can play a serious role in messing with our emotions. You may even need the assistance of a medical professional to help with those hormone swings.

I have found that a healthy diet, exercise, and a positive outlook no matter what, can do just as well, if not better than medications. But check with your doctor, if you can afford to, just to be sure. If you can't afford a doctor, and with the cost of living today it's hard to keep regular check ups with a doctor, unless you can afford it. It won't hurt you to change your diet for a healthy one, exercising everyday for at least 20-40 minutes, allowing yourself to break a good sweat, and practicing some form of meditation a couple times a week, like, yoga or tai-chi. Dedicate yourself to this faithfully and I assure you, you will feel better and see a positive difference in how you look at things. Written by Sherrie Vitello 

But remember this: It isn't for the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for the long uphill climb back to sanity and faith and security.  By Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"I may run into some rocks or even a boulder today. I have stepped around them in the past. I will do so again."   Excerpt taken from the wonderful book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey.

Enjoy the day!

Curbing That Anger....

I believe we all know what it's like to get mad, angry!  Sometimes anger can be the cause for us to relapse. Especially when we are first starting to get clean.  You know that saying "count to 10" or "take a walk" as ridiculous as that sounds, it can actually help us to stop and think before we say something we might regret.  Plus don't forget the effects anger has on our blood pressure.  Take a moment to calm yourself before you communicate what you need/want to say. 

Sometimes it can be difficult to make good decisions when we're angry, so be sure 'not' to make life altering decisions when you're angry, give yourself time to sort through the anger and try to empathize.  It would also be a good idea to find out the root of the anger, whether you're dishing it out or receiving it from someone.

                                                                                                         

Changing how we think is key to helping us as we learn to become unaddicted.  Although anger is a normal emotion and feeling it makes us know we still have feelings, it can still lead to negative outcomes if we don't learn to channel it.  I have learned that anger is a good motivator, it can assert us to get into action.  Have you ever gotten angry at someone or something?  Think about all that energy you're using to feel that angry-emotion, now, what if you learned to channel that energy of anger-emotion towards something you need to accomplish?  

That is a great way to dissolve the negative feelings and channel them or turn them into something positive.  If you have too much trouble doing that on your own, you may need some counseling to help you regulate and to help you learn to control that anger.  Counseling can be going to a meeting and sharing your problem, or going to a counselor and speaking to them one on one.  Either way, it's a good idea for people with anger issues to find ways to curb that anger. 

Remember when you're just beginning to change your old ways of addiction to a clean way of living,  for most of us,  it's going to be an emotional roller-coaster for awhile.  But it's not permanent.  You will begin to feel better emotionally and physically.  Especially if you begin focusing on your health, diet and physical fitness.  You can live a clean life,  you can learn not to be angry,  you can feel good about who you are,  and you can be happy.

A Moment of Inspirational Poetry.....

                  

Shadow  of  my    Pen

Shadow of my pen
caught my tired eye
Writing without reason
Follows my desire
Walk along beside me
Tip by tip we blend
Feeling all the rhythm
Flowing through my hand

All the letters bouncing
A bigger life than I
As my pen it dances
Where I choose to fly
Will I share my passion?
To keep my dream alive
Or will I let it slip?
Without the will to try

Stumbled down I have
Lied there reaching out
For anything to help me
Understand what life's about
Now I see this purpose
It has brought me to my knees
But this never ending circus
Keeps me in displease

Still I keep on writing
Through my sense of doubt
Just so I can show you
What I think life's about.

Taken from the book:  Through This Addicts Eyes
By:  Celeste Vitello
 http://stores.lulu.com/dare2bdeep

Why we are here.......

We've developed this blog to help visitors' find ways to cope with changes in their lives and find new strength as they look for ways to improve their own ways of thinking, attitudes, addictions and self image.  Sometimes in our lives we need to make changes for the better, and we don't always have the assistance outside of our selves to make those changes.  Contained within this blog is several self help items and words to encourage 
us which can be of great help to anyone who needs that extra boost to get going with change and stay on track.

Of course listening and speaking to others' with the same problems and some guidance can be of help as well.  It's always good to relate with others that share a common ground.  But sometimes we'll find ourselves having to deal with our issues on our own.  So what if you had a blog where you could go and find
some information about how you're feeling about things, what you can do about things that may be bothering you or you may want to find out how to deal or handle a situation that's getting in the way of you being at your best. 

That's why we're here.  We share several insights, advice, suggestions, great reads, all intended to help visitors' maybe find some answers.  We always invite comments too, your points of views are an important part of what we do too.  So please, after you've looked us over,  we encourage you to leave us any comments or questions. 

Now for the sake of not misleading anyone, please understand, we are not  psychologists' and we don't make claims to being one.  Everything within this blog is written purely from experiences we've been through, experiences that loved ones and friends have been through, and alot of research about human emotions.  It's wisdom learned from alot of situations we've seen others in and been in ourselves. 
The reason we feel the need to write about this is because we've learned alot of good things that we believe can help others that are searching for answers or information to help them find there way.  That's why we love to read from visitors' that like to share too....we can all get something out of each others insights and ideas.  So by all means don't hesitate to write what you're thinking about....lets get this conversation going!
[Written by Sherrie Vitello]