Entitlement - A Priviledge or A Problem?

What does entitlement mean to you?  For many of us it means giving ourselves a privilege or reward that we believe we deserve or we've earned. Usually its something material. We usually feel entitlement when we've done something that makes us feel we should be rewarded for our efforts, in some way, besides monetary. The actual definition of the word entitlement is: right granted by law or contract, especially a right to benefits, the act of entitling, the state of being entitled. For those in recovery, for whatever type of addiction, entitlement can be a priviledge or a problem. We all tend to elaborate on that definition of the word entitlement and we take it to a level that appeases us. How many times have you said yourself, ".. I've done such a good job, I deserve a beer!.." or perhaps "..I've worked so hard today I deserve to buy myself something nice!"  When we work hard, we would like to have some sort of reward, besides what we've earned on a monetary basis. Something that we can reward ourselves for getting up and staying on top of all the things we do everyday. Now there's nothing wrong with that, except human beings almost always have the tendency to overextend or overdue their entitlement. One thing I've seen in people along my journey in life is people take so much for granted. As wonderful as we all are, entitlement is right up there with being taken for granted by all of us at some time or another. We justify it by telling ourselves, we deserve it. Now going on vacation, when we can, to renew and refresh ourselves, to get away from it all. There's nothing wrong with that. Thats one of the best things we can do for ourselves. It's awesome when we can do that especially with good friends and loved ones. So long as we don't over do our entitlement. Its very uplifting for anyone.

It becomes a problem when we believe entitlement should be our reward or should be available to us at anytime and for some people with addictive thinking it can cause a relapse back into their addiction. Believing there is no harm in just this one time. It becomes wrong when our sense of entitlement is blown out of proportion and we use it to justify self serving desires or gluttony. Isn't it funny how our addictive thinking waits and hides in the depths of our minds and raises its ugly head when it knows we are about to treat ourselves because we feel entitled? Remember, addictions are not only drugs and alcohol, they are also sex, gambling, shopping, overeating too. People with addictions will always have a struggle with their addictive thinking throughout their lifetime. Of course the struggle gets easier to overcome the longer we stay away from the things that cause us to be addicts. Our thinking has changed for the positive. We become stronger at subduing our addictive thinking. But for some, there are times they tend to lean back on what they may have had as an addiction as a form of entitlement once in a while. What happens is you may start out with your addictive thinking by just having one drink or a taste of your doc, just one turn at the craps table, overextending your credit card for that one little item you must have. Because you did such a great job that day, you feel you are entitled. And you notice that you feel relief, better after having that one drink, that little taste of your doc, that one throw of the dice at the craps table, just that one item that won't overextend your credit card too much. All these things we think to ourselves, because we feel we have entitlement and are entitled. So the next couple of days go by, you do your routine, you work hard, get things done and in the evening when you're relaxing you say to yourself, "..I did such a great job today, I deserve a reward, perhaps a drink...but just one!"  You proceed to have your one drink. It feels good! The alcohol hits your nervous system, it relaxes you, you think "..wow, it's amazing..it's like a prescription medication how it affects you." It was just one drink.

So the next day goes by, you worked hard, got a lot of good stuff done today. You think you have it all under control. You convince yourself to fall back on that one drink, once again, your doc, one more throw of the dice, one more item on the credit card, even overeating because you've earned it. Now because you've been clean/sober for a while, the tools you've learned in recovery and you've used them all this time to stay away from your addiction. You start to realize what you're doing is wrong. Because we've learned to love ourselves, even guilt creeps in our minds about it. You've convinced yourself that "just one" won't hurt. You walk a fine line believing that you can be like people who are not addicts, who don't suffer from an addictive nature. You think you no longer have an addiction, you can control the side of you that is addictive thinking. For most people in recovery, there will always be addictive thinking at some point. Time has gone by, having a sense of entitlement has happened quite a few times. By now, that entitlement, has become 4 or 6 drinks, a few more hits of your doc, more times at that craps table, overeating things you shouldn't eat a few more times. You see the progression. The proverbial addictive snowball at the top of the hill is starting to roll down on you.
If you haven't stopped already, you know its better to stop now! That's when you realize the way you think about entitlement is corrupted by your addictive thinking. People who are no longer addicts, even after so long of being away from their addiction, like a computer file, the way some people see the entitlement process has been corrupted. It's something we all have to work on and learn not to allow our addictive thinking to control what we are entitled to give ourselves or do for ourselves as a form of reward or gratitude. For these people, it's a work in progress that will last their entire lives. The best thing to do is get a handle on it, own it, embrace it, stay a step ahead of it and help others who are just coming into the front door of recovery as they make their way through their positive changes and out to the backyard where seasoned recoveree's already stand.  

Copyright(c)2014.Entitlement-A Priviledge or A Problem? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved. 

Keeping Up With The Joneses - That In Itself Is A Real Tragety



"Hey..I have to get one just like that!"

Why is it that we humans, or alot of humans, seem to think that they have to "keep up with the Joneses?" All thru' our lives we observe how there are so many people in our society that feel that they have to have the same style of clothes, the same vehicle, the same material things that someone else my have. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about looking up to or admiring someone for their character here, this is more about the material things that people seem to think define them. Sure it's great to have a nice wardrobe or a nice car. And perhaps these things do define us to some degree. But these material things are not who we are, at least they shouldn't be, they are material, they can show our success or our financial status but they can't make us who we are as a human being. Sadly for some people, they never get that. Have you ever noticed some of those people that are "well off financially" have a way of looking at others like they are much better than most people? Why is that? What happens to the character or personalities of people that have alot of material things? If you've been around these kind of people, you may have noticed how judgemental some of them can be. It's almost like they forget that somewhere along their family tree, their ancestors all got started somewhere too and probably with very little means. Reflecting back to school days is some the most painful memories for some, because they can recall the way they were treated just because they didn't have all the material things some others had.
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"Why do they have to make fun of me?"

They were made fun of, ridiculed, picked on, out cast for no real reason other than the fact that they didn't have the designer clothes, the nice car, the current hair style, or the cool school supplies. Like alot of us, alot of us didn't have those things either and we would hang out with others that were on a similar material level. Of course the guy with the coolest car was always admired and all the girls wanted to be with that guy. Unfortunately people that had alot of material things would act stuck up or judgemental of others with less material things. Once in awhile though, you'd meet someone that had all the material things and they were truly a nice person. They weren't judgemental, they didn't criticize others, they would help you out with your studies, if asked to, they seemed to treat others as they would like to be treated themselves. So what's wrong here? Why is it that some people that have more material things than others seem to develop an attitude of disdainfulness towards those who aren't on the same material level?  Are human beings taught this way of thinking from there parants or peers that are also well off? If so why? Just because someone has more material things than someone else, does that make them better?

You can take two people and stand them side by side. Person A only makes $20,000 a year, person B is well off, makes over $95,000 or more a year. Ok, this is going to seem abit strange but it's a way of comparing them, stick with me for a minute. Picture these 2 people in your mind, see them standing side by side, got it in your minds eye? Ok, now picture them naked...no really, picture them without any clothes on for a second, look at their bodies from head to toe. Not much difference right? With the exception that some parts may be bigger than others i.e. their hands, feet, longer hair, keep it clean now, this is PG rated LOL! Ok back to the point. Now picture them dressing themselves. Whether they start with the bottom half first or the top half first, isn't important. But as you see them dressing themselves, they really don't do anything much different than anyone else, they really don't look any different than anyone else. So what is it that causes a person that has more material things than others, seem to also have a different way of seeing others? I could never understand why that is so. Don't get me wrong, not all well off people are this way. But you've got to admit there is a majority of people that are like that. I want to know why? Where is it etched in stone that a person that has more material things is better than those who don't?
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The human factor

Do you think people that are well off materially are better people at heart than others? No of course not. There is good and bad people from all walks of life. Being good at heart stems from what we are taught as children, life-lessons etc. But there are people that are well off materially that "think" they are better than others. So it would stand to reason that these kind of people were taught to think this way. That could be the great divide between all people. When we "think" that we are better than everyone else, humans tend to forget the human factor. In general, a human factor is a physical or cognitive property of an individual or social behavior which is specific to humans and influences functioning of technological systems as well as human-environment equilibriums. Equilibrium is the condition of a system in which competing influences are balanced.   I believe people thinking they are better than others because they have more material things, stems from way back in time. I mean, even back to when people were first on the planet. And if so, why? Could our creators have been responsible for placing this in our genes? Where did this way of thinking derive from? Perhaps it has to do with humans having free-will. Our creators gave us free-will, so we could rationalize, solve, decide choose the way we think. That being so could be the reason why alot of humans believe if they have more material things, they are better than others. But even if this is true, I'm not saying these people are better than others. Maybe just better off. In a material sense

Quality of Life is so much more than material things.

As our children grow they aspire to be astronauts, doctors, physicists, great chef's, teachers, artists, and alot of them try to reach that goal and succeed. I believe whatever life-lessons are taught or learned by our children inspire them to become the adult they want to be. No doubt when we are raised with more means than others, we can accomplish things easier. Not to say, that anyone on any material level can't accomplish things, they can. What all of us need to remember is we have the right to excel in our lives anyway we desire. We have it in us to become anything we want. It really doesn't matter how much material things we have. What matters is how we utilize the time we are given and how we utilize material things. Hopefully for the better, not for self serving, vanity or conceited ways. Our quality of life is really what should matter to us, not the material things we acquire in our lives. Perhaps some people are born into being better off from the start and the purpose of this isn't so these people can brag and show off all their material things. Altho' alot of them do. Maybe they are meant to have all these things for another purpose, to help those less fortunate or to teach others how to be successful. Its just that somewhere along the line these well-off human beings forgot about that purpose. They began to think only about themselves and how being well-off benefits only them. It has become a "keeping up with the Joneses", dog eat dog world for alot of people. That in itself is the real tragety.  Enjoy the day.

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Copyright(c)2011.Keeping Up With The Joneses - The Effects On The Human Race.Written by Sherrie Vitello, All Rights Reserved.

Don't Compromise Yourself...You Are All You Got!

When we don't know who we are, it's easy to compromise ourselves. When we don't know where we stand on an issue, it's easy to be swayed by a forceful voice. Values may be cloudy in our minds, or we may not be aware of them at all. It's then that we are vulnerable to the persuasion of another.

We are supported in our efforts, and we realize we have friends who don't want us to compromise ourselves-who value our struggle to know and to be true to ourselves. One of lives greatest gifts is discovering we can make decisions that represent us, our inner selves, and those decisions please us.

We all are familiar with the tiny tug of shame that locates itself in our solar plexus. When we "go along" when we give in on a personally important issue, we pay a consequence. We lose a bit of ourselves. Over the years we've lost many bits.  However...we always have a choice.