How We Handle Anger Matters

 

An old Japanese tale goes,  a belligerent samurai once challenged a Zen master to explain the concept of heaven and hell.  But the monk replied with scorn, "you're nothing but a lout...I can't waste my time with the likes of you!"  His very honor attacked, the samurai flew into a rage and pulling his sword from it's scabbard, yelled, "I could kill you for your impertinence!"  That, the monk calmly replied, is hell. Startled at seeing the truth in what the master pointed out about the fury that had him in it's grip, the samurai calmed down, sheathed his sword, and bowed, thanking the monk for his insight.  And that, said the monk...is heaven.

Anger is a trap. When we allow ourselves to dissolve into fury, we do damage to our soul and spirit.  Anger can come upon you suddenly, like a flash.  And you are engaged because it is a trap. It is a trap of the sinister force, the forces of darkness and it is a trap we lay for ourselves because we don't deliver ourselves from the dweller-on-the-threshold.
(The dweller-on-the-threshold is a term used to designate the anti-self, the not-self, the anti-thesis of the real self.)

But the will and the determination, the surrender and the consciousness of wrestling with ourselves to get rid of those points of darkness, that's something only we can do.  Taming the wild horse of anger. We all remember times when we were angry or completely lost our temper.
At other times perhaps we were seething with anger, altho' we didn't express it directly.  Some of us believe our anger is a good thing, and furthermore, you may feel better after you've yelled it out.  Frankly it gives me a headache after I exert anger.

Perhaps you see nothing wrong with venting anger.  Yet when we understand how energy works, we realize that angry vibes(made even more powerful when we yell them) are explosive energy.  It's an emotional bomb that disrupts clear reasoning.  And the aftermath of negative vibes doesn't just go away.  It keeps us in a grumbly mood, pollutes the atmosphere and impacts people around us. 

Most people don't like those vibes one bit.  They usually forget the point we were trying to make midst the fury.  Think of one of those times in your life when you were seething with anger.  Then ask yourself, "What was I angry about?  How did I express it?"  Now remember a time that you wouldn't say you were angry but you felt irritated, disgusted, annoyed or frustrated.  When you look deeper, you'll discover that those feelings are simply variations of the theme, they all track back to anger.

Anger, even when it's just simmering or seething within us, actually creates emotional pollution in ourselves, our relationships, our home, our neighborhood, our work place and the planet.  What can we do about it?  Checking a runaway temper is like taming a wild horse.  If you have ever ridden high-spirited horses, you know not to let them just run, especially if they are jumpy or upset.  You use the reins to guide them, a soft toned voice to calm them.  We can do the same with anger.

We can bridle the beast.  If we have our mouths closed, we will not misuse our power verbally.  If we refuse to strike out with our fists or feet, whatever,  we will not misuse our power physically. Even when our anger isn't a reaction to people but what may be going on in daily life around us. Such as, terrorism, pollution from chemicals, trapping of dolphins in a tuna catch, the conditions of the world around us etc. All the causes we feel passionate about.
 

The principle of how we handle our feelings is exactly the same.  Whenever we are angry, we need to find a "constructive" way to approach the situation that is incensing us. We need to seek ways to take constructive action in our own sphere of influence.  Meditation i.e. Yoga, getting out and going for a pep-step walk or any form of exercise, can do wonders for anger (and stress). Anger is normal, every body has it, no one is exempt. 

But how we handle that powerful energy is our choice. We always have a choice.  If we adjust our perspective, we can take dominion over our passions.  When we bridle our temper, we begin to tame that wild horse of anger within us.  Now we can rein him in, turn him around and head off that display of human volatility.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2017. How We Handle Anger Matters.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Gratitude Is Key To Being Happy.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Practice gratitude everyday and even tho' its impossible to have 100% of joy and happiness all of the time, due to life's negative absurdities. It always comes down to choice in how we allow these things to effect us. I am not saying we should have the attitude of not giving a dam about things, because thats negative in itself. Its more than that. Everything is a lesson, meant to teach us more about ourselves and to help us develop our higher thinking and... spirituality. So if we choose to be emotionally burdened by the sadness and bs in the world, its not that it occurs that makes you feel bad, its how you allow it to effect you and for how long, that dictates your feelings and attitudes. Sure there are many sad and heartbreaking things that occur for which we can do nothing for to help it. We can feel true empathy for the unfortunate. Take from those things the lesson, embrace it and carry on with calm, confidence and better direction for yourself. As an old saying went: " I use to complain about my shoes until I saw a man who had no feet." Be grateful for all things in your life. Strive to be happy. Happy life day everyone!

 

 

Gratitude image offered by Bing.com

 

 

 

Copyright(c)2016.GratitudeIsKeyToBeingHappy.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

How You See Yourself Reflects Onto Others.

Look in your mirror.  Go on.. have a look.  What do you see?  Who is starring back at you?  When you look at yourself are you looking at only your reflection?  Only how nice you look?  Do you take a moment to look deeper then only what you see on the surface?  We want to see how we appear on the outside to other people.  People for the most part use the mirror only to checkout their look. Is the hair just right?  Do the clothes look good?  Does this make me look fat?  Is the makeup too much, too little or just right?  Are you handsome?  Anything in my nose?  Everyone does this to give ourselves confidence to go about our day.  But what about those times when you look at yourself in the mirror and you don't feel good about what you see?  You feel depressed or down about yourself or things going on in your life.  You don't think you look nice at all.  We are usually too self absorbed to realize how this feeling can look towards other people.  Which in turn only makes you feel worse about yourself.  There is much more going on with your reflection than you may know.  Did you know that other people whom you associate with like those at your job or in your class are like your mirror?  They will reflect you.

A simple concept, yet one that many people are either unwilling, or unable, to grasp.  Your emotions, your traits and your feelings are reflected back at you from other people.  Either through in-kind responses or through predictable reactions to the emotions or feelings that you're projecting.  Most of the time our feelings going on with ourselves projects outward to others around us. You can sense this when we meet someone for the first time and we may feel a "negitive vibe" from that person. They could be having a bad day themselves and they are just in a negative state of mind.  Altho' first impressions may cause us to draw a conclusion about someone like that.  Passing judgement wouldn't really be accurate.  This is due to how that person feels within themselves and it projects outward to others they may come in contact with.  Now a lot of people have developed the ability to put their best foot forward.  Even when things may not be so positive for them.  This is a good trait because what you think about within will project outward and show on the surface.

Altho' there are people that carry themselves as if everything is great in their lives.  Only to feel totally different when they are by themselves.  These kind of feelings should be addressed because there is something more going on they should resolve or change.  If you have to falsify feeling good you should assess what is wrong in your life and change it.  I'm talking about being real here. True feelings and how they effect others and reflect you.  You will project what you're feeling inside.  People who seem oblivious to these kinds of senses are usually so absorbed in what they are doing that they miss it.  So when you look in that mirror next time.  Get in close, look deeper and make a detemination of yourself that you are capable.  You can decide how your day will go. You will have a positive productive day.  Even though absurdities and negatives come into our day no matter how positive we are.  The key to maintaining a positive healthy reflection is by not giving any negative events any power.  Handle any problem with the best positive resolve you can, stay positive and if you catch the right moment, offer a pleasant positive comment to someone who may be experiencing a negative day.

For most people hearing kindness from someone can give them hope and make them feel better. Believe it or not, once you realize the power of positive re-enforcement, this can be helpful to someone who could use the positive boost in their life at that moment.  It is also great feedback for ourselves.  When was the last time you told yourself that you respect, trust and love yourself and you have worth and value as a human being?  Try this while looking in your own eyes.  Do you think you need another person to give you that?  You don't.  When we learn to love and trust ourselves we begin to care more about what we do, what is good to keep in our lives, what to change for the better and how our outlook changes our own perception of ourselves and our lives.  We allow ourselves to feel good about who we are as a human being.  We are no longer concerned about what others may think.  After all what others think about us is their business not ours.  We find that we can do a lot more things than we thought because we gave ourselves the chance to prove it by developing our own belief and support system from within.  And when you look in the mirror, we no longer think how we look to others.  We think how good we feel and how wonderful of a day we'll have. What the days experience will teach us.  What positive reflection I can share with others.  You will feel a self assurance and confidence about yourself.

Thats the key; embracing who you are and allowing yourself the beautiful spiritual being that is alive within you.  You will reflect your thoughts and shine on the outside when you allow truth to unfold within.  Its all about embracing who you are, acknowledging any faults, excepting what cannot be changed, and letting go, releasing negatives instead of holding onto them.  They will only cause you grief and harm.  Negative thoughts are empty energy that only zaps your positive outlook. It is quite easy to go through your entire life and never develop the skill of spotting yourself being reflected in other people.  Any development in this area will improve your self-insight, your self trust and your relations with others. Happy life day.

Copyright(c)2015. How You See Yourself  Reflects Unto Others.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

What Does Your Life Smell Like? Think About It.

What does your life smell like? At first it may seem like an unusual question. On the second thought, the question will probably reveal to you some things you may have overlooked. If you were to take a whiff of your life, which response mechanism would be activated? A gag reflex? The laugh button? A sigh of relief? Or unspeakable joy? If you were passing by your life, what would you smell? A bed of roses? Or a gym locker full of sweaty socks? Perhaps some... of grandmas' home cooking? 


Or is it more like popcorn that has been left in the microwave too long? If you were to throw open the front door of your life, what would hit you in the face? The scent of Carpet Fresh or the stench of a moldy basement? The aroma of a cake that's just about done? Or the smell of trash that needs to go out? Most of us are very familiar with the way our lives look. Few of us have ever taken the time to make sure that our lives smell as clean as they look. 


Quite often, what our ears, eyes and hands miss, our nose can detect. The sense of smell is also quite useful because it evokes memories. With a whiff of something, you can be thrown back into a memory of something that happened, how it happened and whether or not you liked what happened. From there, you are motivated to encourage or discourage the same thing from happening again in your life. 


Most important, the sense of smell evokes feelings. If something in your life doesn't smell right, you will not feel right. If you don't like what you feel, you know it is time to clean up! Until today, you may only have been concerned with the way your life looks. You may have ignored certain things you heard or saw, but you cannot ignore a smell. Just for today, be devoted to sniffing around your life. Be on the lookout for rotting things you need to discard and fragrant things you can put on display. Enjoy the day!














Excerpts taken from her book: 'Until Today' by Iyanla Vansant.

How To Achieve A State Of Happiness

This is one subject that we all think about once in awhile.  I have found that although difficult we can achieve a state of happiness so long as we direct our thinking to that state of mind.  Sometimes I'll watch these talk shows that are targeted towards helping people with concerns, like being overweight, being self critical, not knowing how to solve their problems, feelings of depression etc. and the one thing I find about these people with these problems is that they don't seem to know that it's their own thoughts, their own way of seeing themselves, their own ways of focusing on more negative thoughts than positive thoughts that make them feel so helpless or inadequate.  Let's face it when you wake up in the morning and the first thought on your mind is, "Oh no...another day..." that's a hum-drum negative response to greeting the new day. Whereas if you were to greet the new day with a positive note, like, "It’s going to be a good day..." you would probably feel alot better about starting the day. 

It's all a matter of what you tell yourself and allow yourself to feel. 

You can wake up every morning and say to yourself "I'm going to have a good day today" or you can say to yourself, "Here we go again, another day".  It's really matters what we say to ourselves.  I call that self talk.  So you may ask, "What can I do to achieve a state of happiness?"  For one, you can start writing a daily journal.  Take the time to write how you feel about your day, the people in your life, your family, your job, your hobby, what made you happy today, what made you mad. Do this for about 2 to 3 months, faithfully. Then read over what you've written, and take note of the things that made you feel negative, sad or angry and which things you'd like to change. There's your list to start making positive changes to.  Start with one thing at a time, take small steps and remember you have to walk before you can run. Surround yourself with positive things, affirmations, watch positive tutorial videos, stay away from negative people.  If you must encounter them, as we all do sometimes, don't allow their negative energy to grab hold of you. Allow their negative vibs or energy to flow past you. Keep to your own feelings of staying positive.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you're not going to fix everything in one day, one week or even one month, it's going to take time to change the pattern of your thinking, but it can be done.  Start trying to radiate an outward feeling of happiness.  Feelings that are positive and happy will show outwardly and can create happiness around you and others.  Divert negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Don’t sabotage yourself by not acknowledging any negative thoughts, acknowledge them and tell yourself that these negatives do not serve you in anyway that’s positive. Then let those feeling go immediately. I like to envision my negative thoughts as floating up into the universe away from me.  As if leaving them to the creators. Develop a positive outlook towards yourself. If you're unhappy because you're overweight, or your life isn't unfolding the way you'd like it to, start to make positive changes to those undesirable thoughts and make it a goal to change to creating positive results. It is very possible for anyone of us to make changes for the better, but we must start with how we think about ourselves first. 

Remember, to change for the better, it's how you self talk to yourself that will set the course of your thoughts which will form the pattern of how you think.  Which will help you achieve a state of happiness. It will take some effort on your part, but don't give up, don't fall into the pattern of being emotionally lazy, keep working toward a better outlook. See yourself as a positive reflection on your surroundings and you will acheive your desired state of mind. Your thoughts create your life.

Copyright©2014. How To Achieve A State Of Happiness.Wriiten by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved. 

Fear - You Will No Longer Control Me

We see it all of the time. With friends and family that are into something that just causes them pain and suffering. We wonder to ourselves why on earth are they still in the situation they are in? Could it be that they are happier in misery? Perhaps. But for the most part it could be that these people, in these unhappy and unhealthy situations, just don't know how to get out of them or they are afraid to take steps on their own to change for the better. Mainly due to the fear that it wouldn't work out on their own or they just can't accomplish surviving on their own. By feeling that way these people think its safer to stay where they are. Without realizing they have placed themselves their lives and their happiness in a dormant state. Allowing fear to take center stage they decide to stay in a unhealthy, unhappy relationship. People who do this are actually not allowing themselves the chance to live a happy life. Because the main root of why they don't change their situation is due to the fear of failure. They are too afraid to take the steps that are necessary to better their lives. We all have fear to some degree due to the unknown. But when we want something so badly, we can taste it, people can learn to overcome that fear. We can learn to prevent fears or anxiety(because they go hand in hand), mostly unrealistic fears, from controlling the outcome of what we are aspiring to do. Its time to stop ruining your own quality of life. A beautiful saying I came across always helps me to get passed any fear (or anxiety) I may have about accomplishing something. I love this saying so much, I keep it written on a peice of paper and taped to my bathroom mirror. I use it as a positive affirmation to help me start my day. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important." 

There are some people that have no fear or anxiety about much of anything. For these people everything is a personal challenge. Like the quotation above to them situations are seen as their call to action that something must change. People with this personality usually have high self esteem and they make it a point to overcome any circumstance or overcome any challenge. As far as any measurement as to how many people in our society are like this remains unknown. For the most part most people will be a victim of their own fears or anxiety at some point of their lives. The levels of fear will differ in all of us. For some its very low but for others it can be on a high level and interfere with their daily lives. Studies have shown the relations among fear, anxiety and stress can be a precursor to health issues. This can effect our blood pressure, our cortisol levels in the body which can cause weight gain and due to fear and anxiety causing stress, has been related to illness. Also for people who are healing from an illness i.e. cancer or healing from surgery, having an overactive level of fear or anxiety can prevent a person from healing faster. It may even cause complications. The more we've learned about the effects of fear on our bodies the more questions we seem to have about it. Long ago when humans were first living on the earth, their brains used the flight or fight response, which is another form of fear, to help them to survive. For other mammals, it is still very apparent today. But for humans, we've grown away from that to some degree because of how we've advanced in our existence. And the fact that there are no longer giant creatures looking to eat us. Even though some creatures from way back then still exist today, they are not as big nor do they look to hunt us. So long as we don't get near them. 

There is help for those who have acknowledged that there is a problem. Some people can get counseling. Some people may have to use medications to help them with their fears or anxiety. But all of us can actually help ourselves overcome this crippling affliction of fear. It starts with acceptance and acknowledging that time has come to change. You deserve the chance to be as happy as any other person, no matter what their lifestyle is like. Fear is not prejudice and it doesn't care who you are or what walk of life you're in. All it wants to do is destroy your happiness and even your health. When we look at fear for what it is, as a disease of our emotions, we can set a course for a healthy prognosis. But we have to work at it and it will most likely be an everlasting affliction. However, with proper application of rendering fear helpless, we can overcome the control it has on us. One thing you can do right now is go stand in front of your mirror, tell yourself, "Fear you will no longer control me, I love myself, I trust myself, I respect myself. I have worth and value as a human being."  Write that down and the above affirmation about courage. Then tape it to your mirror and read it out loud every single morning and in the evening before bed. Read the sentence then look into your eyes and repeat it. As you keep doing this action your brain begins to wrap itself around your words and you will begin to understand and apply the meaning of what you say to yourself every day in that mirror. In doing so you will begin to think that way. You will begin to change in your thinking. In reference to all people the quote "As a man thinketh, so is he." (Or as written in the book: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth - Proverbs 23:7 -"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.") No matter what you believe those few words are true to form.

Copyright(c)2014.Fear-You Will No Longer Control Me.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Sometimes You Need To Take A Break From Your Life

I had the priviledge recently to visit my family. I'll be honest I didn't know how things were going to go because we haven't seen each other in years. Even though we've kept intouch by way of the internet. Altho' I knew my family loved me I think I was more concerned about how I felt about myself. I invisioned having a positive, happy time and thats exactly what happened. Perhaps what they say about visualizing things is true. I made a promise to myself before I left. That I would keep to a positive outlook throughtout the entire experience and stay open to any constructive criticism I may receive. You see, I was actually on a quest. A quest to find out how to go about the sudden changes that have taken place in my life. I needed to find away to heal and renew. Honestly I was fearful of what could happen if I didn't embrace these changes. The problem was, I wasn't sure how. My daughter, who is now a mother herself is one of the most spiritual wise old souls I have the honor of knowing. She will speak the truth about how she see's things even if it may seem alittle harsh, but not to be mean more like being real. I believe thats a good thing. In fact it was she who said to me: "Mom.. sometimes you need to take a break from your life!" That one sentence spoke volumes that struck a chord in my heart. I knew at that point I had to go visit my family. Because of the changes that had suddenly taken place in my life, I needed to take a break from it. I embraced everything about my trip. Getting ready to go, packing, making sure everything was secure. Taking the train ride, riding through the states. Talking to my seat partners and enjoying the conversations without making anything a negative experience. Altho' I was tired, I truly enjoyed the ride.

Being there, visiting my family I realized just how busy and full their lives are too. Here I thought I had such a busy schedule. But being in observence of how many things my daughters do everyday was amazing. It made me think of how busy I was too when I was younger and raising my girls and all the responsibilities that came with it. I was proud to see how well they've adjusted to the throws of life. Playing with my grandchildren was awesome. It was so uplifting for me to have fun with them, playing games, holding them and raising them up high, chasing them as the tickle-monster, playing hide and seek. Hearing their pure heartfelt laughter was so beautiful. It was very fulfilling and my heart was full of love and joy. Visiting and sharing in all of the activities I did with my daughters made me feel so close to them. I even got my hair styled in a French braid, which I love, by my daughter Gina. My youngest daughter, by 4 minutes, Michelle was able to visit and help with decorating of the Christmas tree, we had so much fun. Decorating the Christmas tree, helping the little ones place decorations on the tree. Lifting my grand daughter up so she could place the star at the top of the tree. That was, I felt, an honor. And in all the mist of this joyful occassion I would sometimes come back to thinking about my circumstances that bought me to visit my family in the first place. When my oldest daughter Celeste, and I were alone, just sitting on the porch enjoying the evening air. We would talk about my circumstances. I was looking for ways to feel better about things. To be able to carry on without things getting me down. My daughter, in her "real but loving wisdom" told me that the universe will open up and show me the way. Perhaps what has bought me to this time of my life is the universe in action. Making it so I have to face my demons or fears and get up, get out and do the thing I think I cannot do. Developing a home-based business over the last 5 years has caused me to become more of a homebody. But now..things are different and I have to "get back out there."

Even though I am aware of what she said, hearing it from someone who loves me solidifies what I already knew. It actually gave me wings. Because sometimes we all need to be reminded or just hear the words. As the days got closer to my going back home. I was feeling better about what I had to face even though I wasn't sure how to go about it. But I believed it would all come clear in time. Sometimes when things happen to us we feel we need to regress or hide. We don't want to be a bother to anyone. But if we open our hearts and allow the universe to open our lives we can find that there are those who are happy to help, console, guide and just have an open ear. I figured I could handle everything that life throws at me, but I found I was made whole and even stronger by allowing things to unfold the way they are meant to unfold. To embrace changes and to have faith in myself. And my faith was uplifted and restored to a higher level than I thought possible. I truly enjoyed the time I spent visiting my family, hugging them and laughing. I was so happy to be able to visit my mother and my oldest brother too. Surprised and unexpected, when I hugged my mom tears were in my eyes, but they were happy tears. It was the right time to visit and shake myself lose from, what I conceived as my safety zone in order to get myself rejuvenated and restored. The ride home felt good. I felt more secure in what I had to do and how I viewed things going on in my life. I realized while riding back on the train, that many people know exactly whats going on in the world and many people have the same feelings, fears, desires, opinions and thoughts that I have as well. So in realizing that I actually wasn't alone in my journey. That gave me a better sense of society too.

Every step that I took was meant to happen. Every person I've met along the way was meant to be. And thats how I saw it. Its funny, you know, when we feel lost or unsure we should always look for the lesson we are meant to learn. Whatever happens in our lives is another day to learn how to handle it. As long as I can go to sleep at night and think to myself that I did all I could today to be productive, to accomplish things that needed to be done, to allow myself to live life on lifes terms and make the best out of it. Then I know I'll be alright. Even when things seem uncertain when we view them as what we need to learn from the situation in order to grow as a human being, things will unfold for us so long as we allow them to do so. Keeping the belief. On to the next!

Dedicated with love to my 3 daughters, grandchildren, mother and brother.

Copyright(c)2013.SometimesYouNeedToTakeABreakFromYourLife.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

The Struggle Within

 

Live in the moment, not the past. Although your past may have been your detriment it has also been your teacher. It should not
hang over your heads like an ominous cloud but as a reminder of who we are not today.  We all come to those forks in the road
when we've lived on addiction avenue. Be it alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, over eating etc., we are responsible for the
decisions we make as they pertain to our own lives. No one and nothing else is to blame. The struggle within is a constant thing.
And although the road can be hard and even over whelming that doesn't mean we should abuse ourselves and commit slow suicide. In a
clear state of mind, you will see how much you've missed while living in your addictive state.

Sadly some will never come
to that understanding. We go through experiences in our lives with the hope of learning about how to live life. Everyday is a new
start for all of us. We decide as soon as we wake, how our day will be.

Even when stress and absurdities creep in. Its how we
perceive things that will be our compass to how we feel and live. Two things are for certain. It is certain you will end up in jail or
die if you don't stop being an addict. Its only a matter of time. And it is certain you can change your life and get the help
you need to change for the better. Many people have proven that to be a fact. You certainly do have a choice. You choose whether to give in and continue down your path of destruction. Fight the struggle
within you with all of your might. We all deserve to live happily and only by giving into the negatives because they seem to make
things easier, are we defeated by the struggles within. Strive to be happy. 

Copyright(c)2013.The Struggle Within.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Way Beyond The Time For Change

What if you woke up one morning and realized
you're the dissappointment?

So it's 6:30am and time to wake up. For the longest time you can remember feeling like crap as soon as you became conscious. You would almost come to tears because you knew it was time to get up and face the day. (Same s**t, different day) was how you felt. Until of course you got your fix for the day. Once you started using you loved waking up, because you knew you would be able to get your morning fix and feel right again. Knowing it sounds ridiculous, even sad, that you looked forward to using just so you'd feel right. But sad to say, that's what happens when a person is an addict. Everything seems better when we've had our DOC (drug of choice.)Until things start to fall apart, you get into trouble, or you just ignore your addictive lifestyle. It will keep snow balling out of control, until you realize how altering your thoughts of addiction causes change.

In the beginning of using, we believe its new, satisfying, even exciting to know you're about to get your fix. But after awhile its just an addiction, ball and chain, monkey on your back. It becomes a problem in one way or another. Things start going wrong for you, family and some friends stop coming around you, good relationships fall away, you get into trouble. You know in your heart that you're not living the way you were meant to. What if you woke up one morning and realized you're the dissappointment? The addict thinks how good it would feel to feel right without having to use. Its alarming to know how many are functioning addicts. They go to work and confront the day with confidence. Nothing bothers them, so long as they have their stash so they could bump themselves up (when needed) throughout the day. And no one knew of their ball and chain of addiction. As their addiction progresses, they wanted it even more, to feel this way clean. Although they love the way their drug of choice made them feel, they knew in their hearts this could not last. The addict comes to a fork in the road of their lives. They wonder why things don't go better for them.They will either get help and stop using and change their lives for the better or they will continue down their road of self destruction and give up on themselves. That is such a shame and a waste because life itself, is a gift.

Example photo:
Left pic is how Ann looked at
her worst time as a addict.
Right pic is how she
looks now clean
and happy.

In this example this addict decided to stop killing themselves and changed for the better. So how do they feel now? Now that they are no longer using? Since it's been about a year now they actually do feel good when they wake up. It took looking inside of oneself and some attitude adjustments to change the negative feelings into positive ones. Alot of meetings and positive readings. But when you want something so bad it hurts, you'd be surprised how strong you can become. For most, what they've learned was that they have to change how they feel about their lives, about themselves. It can take some time, but it can be accomplished. When the addict gets sick of being sick, realization of knowing you need to change is the first step to recovery.

Humans can achieve alot more than they think they can once they get passed the fear of being without the addiction and giving themselves a chance to achieve a better way of living. If we think of the possibilities instead of the obstacles, focus on the things we want, NOT the things we don't want, attract the positive, we can do wonders with ourselves and our lives. But you have to be willing to look at yourself, see what you've become, know you ARE more than your addiction or a quick fix. For the amount of people in the U.S. alone, all of the experience people have gained going through recovery and overcoming their addictions, still those who are stuck in their addictions will rarely heed the advice of those who've been through it and have come out on the otherside, free of their addiction. When the fear of getting high becomes greater than the fear of being clean, you'll know it's way beyond the time for change.

Enjoy the day.

Written by Sherrie Vitello/inserts by Celeste Vitello(c)2011.Way Beyond The Time For Change.All Rights Reserved.

Milestones In Our Lives

Milestones In Our Lives

As we collect the milestones in our lives, look to them as markers of experience and wisdom. However confusing, naive, or purposeful they have been, there will be more to come. Everyones journey is a stepping stone to learn from and utilize to your advantage. Our milestones in our lives mark points that can be special occasions, events or experiences that mean something to us. It can be wisdom gained that we can use to help others. Perhaps when we listen to those whom seem lost or confused, what we have learned along the way could be a light for them at the end of a dark tunnel they may be traveling. With an open heart of compassion we learn to walk amoung the hurdles of life with more detailed understanding. Without ego we are better able to make decisions that are more precise. Milestones help us grow emotionally as well.

When we are young we are so filled with the excitement of not knowing. We think we are the only one that circumstances fall upon. But we aren't. As much as everyone thinks they are so unique, altho' we maybe in some individual ways, we are also so much alike. Our emotions are constructed by the things we experience, especially when we are children. As we get older we learn to cope with or deal with the adversities that life throws into the mix for us, in our own ways. We realize that altho' things we were taught as children, whether positive or negative, are not necessarily the way we choose to see things as we get older. We grow, we change. With every experience we go through, we realize that we can take in the experience and commit it to a milestone.

As time goes on we've collected many milestones along the way. Some are huge and eventful mile stones while others are small but they still carry meaning. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to log our milestones into a computer file like a mini-movie? Then anytime we wanted to look back at them they would be right there for us to see again in full color. For now people use journals or diaries, take pictures or they record them into a computer notebook. Some people record them on video. Either way its human nature to record milestones in our lives because of the senitmental value, lessons learned or the memory it holds for us. I guess what some may classify as a milestone may be different than what others may classify it as. Its a personal thing. Something that means so much to each and everyone of us.

I believe milestones are a wonderful occasion because they are marked by certain circumstances or occurrences that take place in each of our lives. Milestones are constructed to provide reference points along the road in life as well. They are what gives each of us our individual lives. What makes our life experiences something to remember, look back on and cherish. Enjoy the day.



Copyright(c)2012.Milestones In Our Lives.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.     

You Deserve To Be Good To Yourself.

Why do so many people forget to be good to themselves? Do they think they don't have time to be good to themselves? Do they think they don't deserve it or maybe they just don't know how to be good to themselves? Being good to yourself, although thought by many, to mean obtaining something material, is having acceptance about who you are as an individual. Letting go of stereotyping by others. The true art of being good to yourself is acceptance. You know all about the responsibilities you have everyday. You work hard towards a better life for you and your family. You are aware of what you have to do to survive, and that can be difficult sometimes. You wake up everyday and take care of all of the things that keeps your lifestyle in check. You may have struggles, you may worry, you may have absurdities arise on occasion. Alot of people have to run a household, with children and partners. You have bills to pay, shopping for home supplies. Budgeting your money is like trying to cover a 10 foot space with an 6 foot peice of material. You stretch it as far as it will go. When you're driving alone or you're at home alone, you sometimes take a breath and exhale. You wonder how everything seems to work out and how you do all of this without losing your mind. At that moment, when you feel like that, say to your self  

"Wow..I've made it through another week. Things aren't as bad as they seem. I've done a good job."

Patting yourself on the back when you've done so much is good. Its alright to acknowledge that you have done a good job! For some people treating themselves to something they've wanted for a long time is another way they like to be good to themselves. If its affordable taking that trip to that beautiful place you've always wanted to go to is a wonderful idea. Going somewhere you've always wanted to go can refresh and replenish your soul and spirit. Just getting away from the usual routine is of benefit to all of us. Buying that pretty dress you've had your eye on or purchasing that beautiful painting you saw can give a person a sense of gratification and fullfillment. Even something as simple as a nice warm moisturizing bath, your favorite music and a moment of private peace is so rewarding. But beyond these material things we have to be able to be accepting of who we are individually. How we feel about ourselves, inside, is what truly gives us peace and happiness. How we are and how we feel when we are alone is really the measurement of our character. How do we feel when we are by ourselves, where no one can see us. A person of genuine character or personality can recognize within themselves an inner peace or calmness. Learning to settle the anxious mind is key to having an even tempered mind set. There are so many variables for ways of having a calm and zen like state of mind. This topic will only cover a few. By reading and putting into action affirmations and lifestyle changes anyone can learn to be good to themselves and have inner peace.

Having and applying a positive outlook, not only is a way for us to be good to ourselves, it will help us to achieve more in our lives just by sheer will of thought. Although we can't control all things, most of the time, we can control what takes place in our minds. Like the captain of your own ship, you choose to sail calm waters or you choose to sail into stormy seas. If we keep allowing undesireable situations to be apart of our lives, then undesireable circumstances is what you will find yourself in. It is that simple. Being good to yourself is a 'learning in progress' scenario. We never really stop learning in our lifetime. When we learn how to love and except ourselves we are open to love and excepting others. We also learn not to allow others to tear us down due to their own inadequacies. Creating a world how you want it to be for yourself is a lifestyle. This doesn't mean you don't have people in your life, of course you do. It means that you live your life in a manner that is good and positive and inturn that which you have created will resignate to others in and around your life in that same positive manner. Although negatives will always rear their ugly heads, its how we react to negative situations that will make the difference in our own lives. No one likes negative situations and we do our best not to have them happen. Unfortunately negative things will occur when we least expect it. Whatever you do, don't fly off the handle. Be good to yourself and stop, think, then speak. The best way to handle most negative situations is to defuse it. Look for ways to resolve things with a positive outcome. Once you do this, not only will you feel good about the outcome, you'll feel good about yourself and your life because you've created something positive out of something negative. That in itself is rewarding.

We see it all of the time, people in situations that make themselves so unhappy. Which can cause them to lead unhealthy and negative lifestyles. The key to happiness in not just having abunch of material things, its much more than that. Each of us are only given so much time on this planet. No one knows when their time will be up. What matters is what we do with the time we are given. No one really knows what happens after we die. If there is a 'heaven' and a 'hell' we sure don't want to live a life that will cause us to go to hell. So it stands to reason to live as good and positive as possible and share that with others, as much as we can. When we are good to ourselves, we shine, we feel positive, we have a essence of calmness, inner strength and peace that permeates to others around us. In a world with so much negativity its difficult to always hold on to a positive mind set. But so long as we choose not to allow the negatives to take hold, we can be good to ourselves and carry on with a happy way of living. You deserve to live a happy life, you deserve to be good to yourself. Enjoy the day.

Copyright(c)2012. You Deserve To Be Good To Yourself. By Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Failure Should not be Looked Upon as a Negative.

"The way we perceive things will be the compass to how happy or how miserable we will feel."

"..its going to be a positive day.."

I've always believed that with each new day we all have the opportunity to make that new day a positive, productive, happy day. We owe to ourselves to try and have a good day. One that will end with a feeling of gratitude or satisfaction that we did the best that we could with the hours of the day we had. I've learned to think a certain way as soon as I become awake every morning. After all..in order to change our lives we have to change our thinking. For the better of course. So every morning before I even get out of bed, I immediately think to myself "..I will have a positive and productive day.." Its a form of self talk that I've grown accustomed to doing. Best of all it works well when we're at a stage of our lives of uncertaintly or unclarity. For things to be better in our lives, so we don't feel bad or sad every time we start a new day, we have to see our reality for what it truly is for each of us individually. Even when things arise that we feel we have no control over. The way we deal with it will make all the difference in how we feel. If things don't seem to be working out for us then its time to re-evaluate the way we are living. We should do this in order to find out where we should begin to make changes so we can carry on with a better outlook about our lives.

"..don't throw in the towel!.."

If we keep blaming everything on situations or circumstances then what we are really saying to ourselves is that we have no control over our thinking or lives. We've gotten to a point where we either "think" we can't change or we don't "want" to make the effort to change. That kind of mindset can and usually does lead to negative feelings, thoughts and outcomes. I've also learned that failure should not be looked upon as a negative. Why? Because if we didn't fail then how would we know what or where to change things for the better? We wouldn't. We would just keep going along the way we're going. Thinking that nothing will ever be better or different for us in our lives. So the next time you fail at something, instead of throwing in the towel, try to look at that failure from a different perspective. Think to yourself.."what can I do to make the outcome be more positive or successful?" Look back at the situation that caused you to fail in the first place, see it for what it is and try going about whatever it was you were trying to accomplish, from a different angle. It might surprise you to find that by looking at your situation from a different perspective was just what you needed to make the task (or situation)positive and successful.

Money as a Tool is Essential.

Failure is only fatal when we deem it so. The way we perceive things and what we do about things that come about in our daily lives will be the compass to how happy or how miserable we will feel. Alot of people allow material things to be the base of their happiness. Especially money. No doubt money (when used as a tool) helps us to have the essentials for living i.e. food, our electric bill, house payment, our car payment, our insurance, clothes etc. What I find is that even though people usually have enough money to pay for these essentials, (or they have assistance) people always want or need more. Thats because money has become the most important factor for alot of people. There's nothing wrong with having the desire to make more money in order to live better. But when it comes to being so preoccupied with making money that you forget the true quality of living, that is a problem. We malfunction. Like a robot that is overloaded with too much to process. We can forget about the important things in life i.e. our families, helping others, the beauty of nature, the small things we do that really count and gives us feelings of gratitude or fullfilment. All in all in our pursuit of happiness we should never forget the things that matter. No matter how small they may be. In keeping to this way of thinking, we can be more balanced in all the phases of our lives.

"Don't Allow Your Failures To Hold You Down"

Everyone at one time or another will fail at something. Its just the way the cycle of living is. What we have to realize about failure is that we can learn from it and actually use it as a tool to make things turn out better for each of us. Learning this lesson early on in life is essential to creating a productive, successful path for our lives. Unfortunately some people won't learn this until they are older and have been through some negative experiences. We try to cushion the stress or hurt we may have experienced by buffering the emotional pain with drugs, alcohol or other forms of addiction. Which because we are creatures of habit, usually turns into an addiction. Although this is a difficult stage for people to go through, they can still come out of it, be free of it and not rely on artificial stimuli to help them cope. Besides, people miss so much when in the haze of addiction. I never knew how much I truly missed until I became free of my addictions. It was as if I was standing on a mountain cliff and I saw the sunrise for the first time. I mean to genuinely have laughter because I honestly felt happy was an awakening I'll never let go of. So if you're feeling down about the way you see your life and you're not sure of what to do to improve your life. Try looking at things differently from a different perspective. Sometimes a small change in how you think can make a huge difference. Enjoy the day.


Copyright(c)2012.Failure Should not be Looked Upon as a Negative.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.         

How Addiction Effects Our Life of Purpose.

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose" When I read this quote I realized that this is what everyone needs to live by in order to feel content, gratitude and happy about their lives. Having a purpose. When a human-being has no purpose in their lives they are much more susceptible to staying or becoming addicts. Be it drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-shopping, to name a few. Everyone of us feels the need to have purpose, be needed, feel worthy, have approval, even being looked up to. When we lack those feelings we feel empty inside and we tend to "make up" (sort of speak) for that emptiness. We do that by developing habits. Some people develop good habits and some people develop bad habits. When we are addicts we need to stop the bad habit and replace it with a good habit. So its stand to reason that when a person doesn't have these emotional-tanks filled to some degree, they are more likely to fall off the path of staying clean and sober.

We must continue at all costs to strive to have purpose in our lives. It won't be given to us. With purpose we are given the air under our wings that lifts us up away from our unhealthy addictions. Why does having a life of purpose effect us so much? I did some research about this and found some very interesting facts about how "purpose" effects our brains. Because of our limbic system located in our brains. This part of our brain directs emotion and behavior. The limbic system sets the emotional tone of information before it reaches the cortex, where most of our thinking and learning takes place. Our limbic system interprets and directs emotions and behavior. Then these emotions are sent to the cortex where it is processed. When we have purpose in our lives we have emotions of fulfillment and contentment. This is a positive state of mind and our limbic system interprets this as positive information.

Which gives us a feeling of purpose and directs our behavior to achieve and meet our goals. Of course when our feelings get hurt or we have emotional trauma in our lives, it makes us feel unhappy as if we have no purpose at all. Especially when we have not learned how to cope with or deal with negative situations very well. These kinds of emotions can lead us to finding ways to comfort ourselves, over eat, self medicate or drink too much, to forget how we're really feeling. And this happens alot to alot of people. Now think for a moment just how using drugs, alcohol or overeating (which are the 3 most common forms of addiction) will effect us. First by using artificial stimulus (some-thing external that influences an activity such as drugs, alcohol, over eating) we end up saturating our brains due to the overflow of chemicals. Drugs, alcohol or overeating effect our brains by acting to enhance or interfere with the activity of neuro- transmitters and receptors within the synapses of the brain.

Our brains are made up of neurons ( aka nerves) so whatever drugs or chemicals we put into our bodies will get to our brains but the effects are destructive not productive. This is why after so many years of drug addiction, alcoholism or over eating the effects on our brains and bodies start to take over. We've all seen people that have been addicts for a long time and the abuse they subject their bodies to, the end results are unpleasant to see. Whenever you think about something, sense something or do something, what is happening at the level of the brain is that various neurons are sending information to one another concerning what you are thinking, sensing or doing. It is at the level of this inter-neuron communication that most drugs have their effects. Either by over stimulating or preventing proper function. So the idea that we are making ourselves feel better by continuing with an addiction is in reality a harmful and false state of mind. And we cause more damage to our brains than we truly know or want to admit to.

Because our addictive thinking has clouded our reasoning and doesn't want us to stop being addicts. It's a demon we have to fight in order to gain control over our health and quality of life. When you really think about how addictions effect your brain and body to this degree. You can build on that knowledge of how to start stopping your addiction. We all know that addiction isn't good for us. But when we step back and see the true damage and we learn how our addictions really hurt us and how it disrupts our lives. We can then see that it's up to us as an individual to stop blaming everyone and everything else, take responsibility for your actions and to get the help
needed to stop being an addict. To allow ourselves to gain control and achieve a positive lifestyle, state of mind and a happier life. It is only when the addict can addmit they have this problem, they can't fix it alone and they reach out for help that they are truly on the path to recovery. We can then understand the true meaning of "getting high on life!"  Enjoy the day.

Thank you for reading, please pick up your FREE gift:   Discover Your Life Purpose
                    [Once on page, scroll down to free-download, there you go!]


  Copyright(c)2011-2012. How Addiction Effects Our Life of Purpose. Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

The Rainbow Tree - An edited version that improves our quality of life.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Learn to let go of people that cause you pain. Hold fast to those people in our lives that lift us up and help us feel happy. Let go of all the things that you can do nothing about. Mistakes made in the past are there to help us to learn not to do them again and to help someone else who we see is going down that same path. Lift others up that seem to be down, sometimes a word of encouragement can make all the difference. Never be too quick to judge someone you don't know.

For as much negative things that are always around us in our daily lives there is a vast amount of positives. Always think of the possibilities instead of the obstacles that can trip us up. Take on the day as if it was your last. Take nothing or no one for granted. Be grateful for your health, loves, beauty in the world, things that make you happy and rainbows.

...everyone dies, but not everyone truly lives. It is a path we all must take. Enjoy the day.


Written by Author Unknown with excerpts added in by Sherrie Vitello

Our viewers liked more interesting reading here: http://myselfselfhelp.blogspot.com


Copyright(c)2011.The Rainbow Tree, written by Author Unknown and edited by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.

Someone once said - "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living." (Author Unkown)

A dear friend sent me this parable the other day and its been on my mind ever since. I keep seeing how it relates so well to those that are struggling with their happiness. What are the causes of them living an  unhappy life?  No matter what we say to those we care about, who are at a bad time in their life, its so hard sometimes to make one see a better way. Its actually heart wrenching to know that someone we love and care about is living a life of self destruction. So much so that they can't even see their own way out of it. What can we do for them? We can offer them support and guidance, hoping that it may help them, but unless these people change from within nothing we do will really help. Whatever our loved one may be suffering from that makes their lives miserable, the actual cause of it we can despise, but we shouldn't despise that person who is suffering from it. It could be happening to anyone of us. 

Even when we've tried so hard to help someone we care about that is struggling in their lives we eventually get that sinking feeling inside that we can't do anything more for them. We can find ourselves feeling at a loss, what do we do now? No one has the right answer here because we can't control people, not really. Unless they want to be controlled and those folks usually end up living in some controlling type situation somewhere. One thing is certain, we don't stop loving someone close to us that is living a life that is out of control. We offer comfort and support in anyway we can. We talk with them with love and concern. We keep telling them that things can be better for them. We show them the path to take and hope they'll take it. Most of all, for our own sanity and our own happiness, we can't blame ourselves for the way someone we love and care about has chosen to live.

Discover more about Unshakeable Self Confidence Here. Get your free download.

Parents can nurture, teach and love their children. Show them the right path to take. But it will be up to that child, once grown, they become responsible for their character and the way they live. That doesn't mean we should just not care about what happens to those we care about that have problems in their lives. Of course we care, we love this person. When we care deeply about someone who is having problems in their lives, it gives us an opportunity to help that person rebuild how they see things in their lives. Even words of encouragement can shine a light at the end of the tunnel for this person. Letting them know that there is a better way to live. There is hope.

Which brings me to how I interpret the parable above. Its important to understand that sometimes in our lives we need to turn and walk away from the lives we may be living. That which is causing us to be miserable. Some of the people in our lives that are dragging us down, influencing negative outcomes or surpressing our healthy attitudes are what I call, toxic people. We may even like these people, but they are contributing to how our lives are panning out and why our lives seem like they are going no where. Our circumstance of how we are living is also a factor as to why our lives seem hopeless, like its going no where fast. Same s**t different day kind of attitude towards living. This will also make us feel like our lives are just useless. But it isn't. Sometimes we just can't see clear or beyond it. It can be like we're falling into a black hole and see no way out. But there is. How?

By change. Change from focusing on the bad things in our lives and focus on the "what if" scenario. The possibilities instead of the obstacles. By that I mean, start thinking about 'what if' I try to feel better about myself, 'what if' I change my job for something more appealing to me, 'what if' I stop drugging or drinking, 'what if' I begin to want to be alive, 'what if' I leave this lifestyle that I've grown accustom to and change it, obviously its not making me happy. 'What if' I start trying to improve myself. As you begin to focus on the "what if" scenario you'll come to a point where you'll ask yourself, "well do I really want to change?" This is where you will face your demons. Now you have to choose, you are at a crossroads. If I were you, I would start to focus on the things you want out of life not the things you don't want. You are responsible for your life. Make it count. Getting involved with people that help to build you up not tear you down. People that are focused on building a better life can be a wonderful influence.  

 Most importantly, learn to forgive. Forgiveness will put out the flame of guilt, anger and animosity. You can start with forgiving yourself. Sometimes we carry within ourselves, things that we're not proud we did, or things that we've done that hurt others. This can weigh heavily on our hearts. You can make ammends with some but you have to let it go and forgive yourself. Then forgive those who have done you wrong. This can be most uplifting for us. Emotionally and spiritually. Its like purging your system of something that was making you ill. This can be, in no doubt the point of never returning to your old ways of thinking and living. Because once you've forgiven these things, you have opened the door to caring for and loving yourself. It's alright..you can love yourself now.  

Everyone eventually learns that life is way too short. I'm still trying to get my brain around how fast it continues to be. And the older we get, the faster it goes. So what do we do when we know we only get so much time to do things? We do as much as we can that will be of benefit for our lives, right? So doesn't it make sense to use what time we have to be as happy and productive as each of us can be? Of course. So we must strive to be happy inspite of all the bs in the world and in our lives. We'll be a better person for it too. But mostly we'll be a happy person and we'll be able to share that happiness with others. I don't know about you all, but I love making others happy because it does make me happy. So sharing the wisdom from life experience, positive advice or words of encouragement, for me, makes me happy to know it just may help someone out there.

And lastly, do you remember when you were younger, and you played games? You would get all excited inside about that one move you were going to make that you knew would allow you to win the game? That was a great feeling. But then sometimes you couldn't win or you moved to the wrong spot and lost. Then you felt kind of bad. But you didn't give up. Because you knew you would have another turn to try again or you knew you would play that game again. And you'd say .."awww, I lost, but I'll win next time!" Well the same principle still applies when we've grown up. We try things out in our lives and some times we don't make it. We may grieve some when we've failed. But remember success is not final and failure is not fatal, its having the courage to carry on that matters. So you try again, something else, it just might be the right thing for you. Think of all you can learn by looking at life this way. Think of all the things you can teach others. Learn to get excited about your life. Life is full of twists and turns. Living it in the haze of an addiction or just giving up on life is cheating yourself out of truly being happy. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy the day.

The person you are is the very Essence of your Being. This Being might be called your soul, your higher self, or your authentic self. The label isn't important, just the acknowledgement that you are more than the physical person reading these words right now. Unshakeable Self Confidence
Get your Free download.


Written by Sherrie Vitello

Copyright(c)2011.Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.