Skinny vs Fat - We Need To Have A Change In Mindset

In a discussion about overweight people and how they are seen. I couldn't help but interject my perspective about it. I see the problem of there being too many conflicting opinions out there. Altho' doctors have proven that being overweight is unhealthy and it can be for us. Certainly being at our proper body weight for our height is key to not being susceptible to many health issues. The views that a woman who is overweight is of lower value or appreciation than a skinny woman is merely due to the concreting of lustful desires by people who are in a position to put it out there that this is how it should be. It goes as far back as the dawn of man. The same applies for men who are too skinny or overweight also. The man who looks like Adonis, all cute, gorgeous, has a nice body with ripped muscles. Will definitely turn heads and is pleasant to see.

We all look at attractive people and seem to appreciate their looks over someone who may not be as attractive or as in shape. Because most people only see the outside. This is due to what we've always been told, what we've all seen growing up, what kind of examples we're subjected to, whats always been in magazine covers and movies. We've been programmed to accept a thin attractive person over a fat person. Even when applying for a job, it seems that a thin woman or man would be more likely to get the position first. I'm not saying we shouldn't be healthy and care about our bodies. I'm saying we need to have a change in mindset that allows people to develop a healthy attitude towards their bodies and people need to be taught, from childhood, a form of living healthy and having a positive attitude about themselves. Some would say that a person who is overweight is usually compensating for some sort of insecurity, lack of belief in themselves or they may lack the ability to correct or change their negative thinking. Of course that IS wrong thinking which can be and needs to be changed.

Healthy mind, healthy body. Everyone is born with their own ability to achieve what they aspire to. But sometimes people receive negative feedback or are subjected to wrong thinking. Because we have the ability to change how we think and feel, we can overcome negative input and turn it into our strengths. In doing that we learn self confidence, we have positive self esteem and there's a positive energy we feel and we reflect outside ourselves. Have you ever noticed how bright and attractive a positive person is? They have a healthy energy or glow that is nice to be near. Thats the beauty we ALL need to develop within ourselves. Seeing a person that is beautiful on the outside is pleasant to look at, like a beautiful painting or work of art. Whatever things you may think about when you look at a beautiful person is of your own making. It doesn't determine that we have to look like that person in order to have self worth or value as a human being. Young people truly need to learn this truth. I've never seen it etched in stone that we only have self-worth or value if we are handsome or pretty, thin or fat. That view was man made.

All this, is about what we see growing up, taught as children and how we learn to love ourselves and appreciate the beauty within. I heard a quote once and it fits right into what I'm trying to state here: Healthy mind and the body will follow. In doing so we can all shine and share the light of true beauty as it is meant to be seen. Don't be influenced by what you hear from self absorbed conceited people. See yourself and others for who they really are in heart & in actions. Don't believe what you see in magazines, on TV or in movies either. All that fakeness is just to get you to buy something or watch something. Consider the source, its not a rule or way of life. Love yourself and love will be allowed to exist. 


 Copyright(c)2014.Skinny vs Fat - We Need To Have A Change In Mindset.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Self Pity (The Emotional Parasite)

                                     

*Self-pity is a parasite that feeds on itself. Many of us are inclined towards self-pity, not allowing for the balance of life's natural tragedies. We will face good and bad times--and they will pass. With certainty they will pass. The attitude "Why me?" hints at the little compassion we generally feel for others' suffering. Our empathy with others' even our awareness of their suffering, is generally minimal. We are much too involved in our own. Were we less self-centered, we'd see that blessings and tragedies visit us all in equal amounts.  Some people respond to their blessings with equanimity, and they quietly remove the sting from their tragedies. We can learn to do both. Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways. 

We need not get caught by self-pity. We can always feel it coming on. And we can always let it go. Self-pity may beckon today, fortunately, we can learn that we have other choices.
(*The above paragraph, excerpt was taken from the wonderful book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey.)

 

"Why does this happen to me? Nothing ever goes right!"

We all have at some point in our lives had this emotion of "self pity." It is emotionally draining. Like a parasite feeding on our emotions. Its a human or natural emotion brought on by sadness, things not working out the way we'd like them to, self doubt and even by other people. Even though we all have the ability to swing down into self pity, we shouldn't. Self pity can cause a clean/sober person to fall back into their addiction. It can also cause a person whom never had an addiction to start one. Its a "negative emotion."  But it doesn't have to lead to a negative outcome for us.  Don't confuse Self-pity with Grief. Grief is feelings that accompany any kind of loss. Feelings of loss and to mourn the loss. Unlike Self Pity which is feelings of shame or guilt that is a result of deeper, more painful feelings that seem impossible for a person to reveal, even blocking or surpressing any chance of a positive outcome.  

 

Sometimes when we try to listen and then help someone, by showing them that they're allowing self pity to get the better of them, can cause them to become angry. This is due to shame, guilt or hiding of hurtful unexpressed feelings. Emotional pain that leads us to block the helpful or positive feelings that can help us to feel better.  Self pity can cause us to hide the feelings that we feel are shameful. Its also an addictive emotion, at times giving us a sense of pleasure, hiding us from reality.  As human beings, we have free will, which allows us to make choices in our lives. Remember its us, ourselves that can direct our own thinking and thought patterns.  The worse thing you can do to yourself is allow others to direct how you feel. That can be extremely destructive emotionally for anyone.

 

Learning how not to allow self pity to take control everytime things seem difficult or insurmountable will be key to developing a sense of a positive outlook, understanding and confidence.  Being a good listener to those who are in the self pity state of mind is very helpful. Respecting the self pity sufferer's privacy is paramount.  In other words keep it private, don't go telling everyone. Once that person has purged or expressed their deep emotional pain to you, then you can begin to help them heal by suggesting a positive resolve to their emotional dilemma.  At all costs don't become so emotionally involved that you could fall into shame or self pity youself due to what you may hear your suffering friend tell you. Have empathy, be realistic and find the positive side to whatever the solution could be. Help and encourage your friend or loved one to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In doing this you can help the self pity sufferer onto the road of healing and recovering and you'll feel gratified that you were able to help. You'd be suprised at the healthy results of a good listener and positive input. Hug each other and go about your day.

 

 

Copyright(c)2013. Self Pity(The Emotional Parasite)Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

 

   

 

 

NEWS - Revenue and Ratings? Just What Are They Feeding Us?

"..just what ARE they feeding us..?"

Since the news media is based on 'Revenue & Ratings' it isn't surprising to most of us that most of the topics they talk about are sensationalized & horrendous. But just what are they feeding us? Its no wonder that when we watch it, it can sometimes leave us feeling abit depressed, angry & even alittle overwhelmed about the state of our society, both morally & economically. The best advice for this is to remember, it has been suggested that the media's only cause for existing, isn't for the betterment of people. Even tho' it may have been at one time. All they want is to be number ONE on the ratings board & to achieve a high revenue. I guess there's alot of people that like hearing about the terrible things that happen in the world. Of course the news media will gladly appease these appetites. I often wonder at what point did this happen? I mean..as far back as bible times,(first published in Rome by Julius Caesar) people thought it was a great idea to tell others about the things that were happening in their town, with events, with their leaders etc. It was likely an effort to control or conform to standardized information. (Read more about: Why was the newspaper invented? At wiki.answers.com)

But where did the news take the turn into airing peoples dirty laundry? Telling everyone about some stars plastic surgery, how much money a person has, what property a rich person just purchased, what young woman just made the centerfold, what some housewife did to her neighbors flower bed..I mean the list of absurdities just goes on and on. No doubt its a good idea to let people know about a criminal that escaped from jail and is in their area or a rapist or murderer on the loose. Letting people know about the weather, earthquakes, floods and wildfires is definitely purposeful and useful. Highlighting a childs accomplishment with a school project. The condition of our planets health and utilizing affordable ways to preserve it. Or letting everyone know about a new medical breakthrough that does actually cure something without abunch of horrific side effects. Telling people about things that matter, such as, a bacterial viral outbreak in a local area, a new law that has been passed by congress, or where there is available work. Things that matter, that truly help the people and our society. For the betterment of all mankind. (Not to say that the news never talks about these things.) Theres just not enough of these things being talked about when compared to the other side of the coin. Why doesn't our news stations rely more on those topics and types of stories?

I'm sure there are alot of folks that don't even watch TV when they wake up. Alot of the times playing favorite music helps to maintain a better outlook towards the new day. Frankly there are some people that have come to the understanding that "..believing nothing that you hear and only half of what you see.." is probably the best way to think. Can't say I dissagree there. Perhaps its better living in the knowledge that 95% of what is on TV is actually not true. Here's an idea, why not just create a channel on TV thats just for absurd, gossip and useless news? Just have it run for 24 hours aday, 7days aweek. Those who want to watch it can and those who don't won't. That could work! That way our regular news stations could focus on news thats worth listening to instead of subjecting or exposing everyone to empty, useless news that is broadcasted because its on the news teleprompters. Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting the blame on the news anchorperson. They only work for the companies that broadcast the news and certainly at times they too probably think some of the news as being ridiculous or absurd.

What little authority they may have, the authority to say that a news item is ridiculous and not worth airing goes higher up. That blame goes to those overpaid executives and power hungry companies running the news stations, and they love those ratings which makes for alot of revenue. Whether the news is moral, true, sesationalized or horrendous. Is there really a choice? Then again when you think about it, if the public didn't really want to hear all the sensationalized horrendous and ridiculous news I guess it wouldn't be so popular. Hmmmm..which makes me wonder, even more so, about societies values and morals in general. I guess the next best thing we can do about it...is simply change the channel. Just saying. Enjoy the day.


Copyright(c)2012.News - Revenue and Ratings?Just What Are They Feeding Us? Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

Gratitude IS our Latitude!

If you don't know already, "negative begats negative and positive begats positive." This effects all areas of our lives everyday. The more I learn about the way we respond to things and how it effects the outcome, the more certain I am about the validity of that statement above.

What outlook are we carrying forth into the day ahead?  Are we feeling fearful about the circumstances confronting us?  Do we dread a planned meeting?  Are we worried about the welfare of a friend or lover?  Whatever our present outlook, it's power over the outcome of our day is profound.  Our attitude in regard to any situation attracting our attention influences the outcome. Sometimes to our favor, often to our disfavor if our attitude is negative.

Thankfulness toward life guarantees the rewards we desire, the rewards we seek too often from an ungrateful stance.  The feeling of gratitude is foreign to many of us.  We came to this program(or circumstance) feeling worthless, sometimes rejected, frequently depressed. 

It seemed life had heaped problems in our laps, and so it had.  The more we *lamented what life "gave us," the more reasons we were given to *lament.  We got just what we expected.

We still get just what we expect. The difference is that the program(or positive changes) has offered us the key to higher expectations. Gratitude for the good in our lives increases the good.

* Lament or Lamented: meaning an expression of sorrow or affliction. Express grief, sorrow or remorse.

Excerpts taken from the book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

Written by:  Sherrie Vitello

7 Quick Ways to Calm Down

Anxiety zappers that can rescue you from daily stresses.

I'm easily overwhelmed. When my kids' exuberant screams reach a decibel level my ears can't tolerate, when Chuck E., the life-size "rat" at the pizza place, starts doing his jig while flashing arcade lights blind me, or when I open my email to find 100 messages--I feel a meltdown coming on. Which is why I came up with seven quick ways to calm myself down.

I turn to these when I don't have time to call my mom and hear her tell me, "Everything is going to be fine." They keep me centered and grounded for as long as possible, and they help me relax my body even during those times when screaming kids and dancing life-size rats converge.

1. Walk Away

Know your triggers. If a conversation about global warming, consumerism, or the trash crisis in the U.S. is overwhelming you, simply excuse yourself. If you're noise-sensitive and the scene at Toys-R-Us makes you want to throw whistling Elmo and his buddies across the store, tell your kids you need a time-out. (Bring along your husband or a friend so you can leave them safely, if need be.) My great-aunt Gigi knew her trigger points, and if a conversation or setting was getting close to them, she simply put one foot in front of another, and departed.

2. Close Your Eyes

Gently let the world disappear, and go within to regain your equilibrium. Ever since my mom came down with blepharospasm (a neurological tick of the eyelid), I've become aware of how important shutting our eyes is to the health of the nervous system. The only treatment available for this disorder is to have surgery that permanently keeps your eyelids open (you need to moisten them with drops, etc.). Such a condition would be living hell for my mom, because in closing her eyes she regains her balance and proper focus. The only time I recommend not using this technique is on the road (if you're driving).

3. Find Some Solitude

This can be challenging if you are at work, or at home with kids as creative and energetic as mine. But we all need some private time to let the nervous system regenerate.

I must have known this back in college, because I opted for a tiny single room (a nun's closet, quite literally), rather than going in on a larger room with a closet big enough to store my sweaters. When three of my good friends begged me to go in with them on a killer quad, I told them, "Nope. Can't do it. Need my alone time, or else none of you would want to be around me.
Trust me." My senior year I went to the extent of pasting black construction paper on the window above my door so no one would know if I was there, in order to get the hours of solitude that I needed.  Be creative. Find your space. Any way you can. Even if it involves black construction paper.

4. Go Outside

This is a true lifesaver for me. I need to be outside for at least an hour every day to get my sanity fix. Granted, I'm extremely lucky to be able to do so as a stay-at-home mom. But I think I would somehow work it into my schedule even if I had to commute into the city every day.

Even if I'm not walking or running or biking or swimming, being outside calms me in a way that hardly anything else can. With an hour of nature, I go from being a bossy, opinionated, angry, cynical, uptight person into a bossy, opinionated, cynical, relaxed person. And that makes the difference between having friends and a husband to have dinner with and a world that tells me to go eat a frozen dinner by myself because they don't want to catch whatever grumpy bug I have.

5. Find Some Water

While watching Disney's "Pocahontas" the other day with my daughter Katherine (yes, I do get some of my best insights from cartoons), I observed the sheer joy the main character shows upon paddling down the river, singing about how she is one with the water. It reminded me of how universal the mood effects of water are, and how healing. On the rainy or snowy days that I can't walk the double stroller over to our local creeks, I do something the global-warming guys say not to; take a long shower, imagining that I am in the middle of a beautiful Hawaiian rain forest. "Water helps in many ways," writes Elaine Aron. "When overaroused, keep drinking it--a big glass of it once an hour. Walk beside some water, look at it, listen to it. Get into some if you can, for a bath or a swim. Hot tubs and hot springs are popular for good reasons."

6. Breathe Deeply

Breathing is the foundation of sanity, because it is the way we provide our brain and every other vital organ in our body with the oxygen needed for us to survive. Breathing also eliminates toxins from our systems.

Years ago, I learned the "Four Square" method of breathing to reduce anxiety:

1. Breathe in slowly to a count of four.

2. Hold the breath for a count of four.

3. Exhale slowly through pursed lips to a count of four.

4. Rest for a count of four (without taking any breaths).

5. Take two normal breaths.
6. Start over again with number one.

7. Listen to Music

Across the ages, music has been used to soothe and relax. During the worst months of my depression, I blared the soundtrack of "The Phantom of the Opera." Pretending to be the phantom with a cape and a mask, I twirled around our living room, swinging my kids in my arms. I belted out every word of "The Music of the Night."   "Softly, deftly, music shall caress you, Feel it, hear it, secretly possess you...."The gorgeous song, like all good music", could stroke that tender place with in us that words couldn't get to.

By Therese J. Borchard 
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