"I look inside myself to find my peace"


Angel or Devil on my Shoulder...?

Sometimes I really wonder if I had an Angel or a Devil on my shoulders'.  How many of you have felt that way or asked yourselves the same question?  When a person is addicted to drugs or alcohol (or both), it seems like there IS an Angel and  a Devil on there shoulders'.  I think back to my own experiences I went through when I was addicted to drugs and alcohol and the struggle I went through knowing what I was doing to myself, and my loved ones.

Although it's been over 5 years that I've lived a clean and sober life, I sure am glad I had that Angel. At those times of my "downside of life" I can remember doing things that I would have never done on a clean/sober mind.

I cringe when I think of the stupid, senseless, things I did that could have got me in alot of trouble, and I cry when I think of the times I stole money from my loved ones. I can't believe I gave into temptation so easily, I can't believe I did those things.

I know in recovery we're not suppose to think we'll never be that way again......but I have to tell you, it'll be a cold day in hell before I go back to being an addict.  I mean that with all of my heart and strength.  I'm sure some of you out there feel the same way and have had the same type of experiences. Or maybe you're still going through those experiences because you're just not ready to stop the craziness of being an addict.

You might even think you can't exist without your drug of choice or drink of choice.  Well, until you get sick of being sick and tired of your life just not working for you, you'll have that Devil on your shoulder until you change. There will always be a struggle between good and bad.  When you first start out to change your life to a clean/sober life, it's hard, I 'm not going to sugar-coat it, but with support, you can become stronger towards the cravings, you can learn to turn away from the triggers and that Angel...just gets stronger and stronger.
Some folks out there can never turn away from there addictions because they have led that way of life for so long....without professional and medical help, they probably wouldn't last too long on the clean/sober side of life. But even they can change their lives. The power of the mind can be a very formidable component to changing ones life. 
We all know that somethings in life are just too much to bare sometimes and we actually convince ourselves that there is no way out. But to all of you just starting to get clean, remember, you've already taken the first big step in improving your way of life. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep heading in 'THAT' same direction.
You'll see, you'll get to the point where you'll look back on your life and you'll wonder...."wow, was I really like that..?"  Let that be the motivation you need to stay clean and sober.  It does get better. Time does heal. We can become stronger in our convictions to live a clean and sober life, we can be happy.

Enjoy the Day.
To all my visitor's please take into consideration that the Angel and Devil description used in this post is used as a metaphor to describe the struggle of becoming clean and sober.



A Moment of Inspiration......

A SISTER'S LOYALTY                                                                          Sisters Gina, Celeste and Michelle

Now it's time to face the truth
Though I'd rather keep my youth.

Have to hold her hand through this
Till she finds the piece that fits.

This may bruise her soul, so deep
She may never get to sleep
Will this lesson turn her head?
Or will she feel inside so dead?
Too soon to see the reasons, why?
Too close I feel the loss and cry.

The only reason I am here
To help her look till she sees clear.                                                      

Though my insides shatter
Thoughts of what could be
It really doesn't matter
It's not my task to see.

Just to be there for her                                                                  
As her sister and her friend
Even though I don't always agree                                                   
I'll see her to the end.

Taken from the wonderful book: Through This Addicts Eyes, by Celeste Vitello