How Do I Reach Out For Help - What About Support Groups?

Someone has stated that they don't quite understand this sobriety thing, how to reach out or get connected. A lot of people feel that way when first changing their lives for the better. When you've realized that you need to change you've just done what you question. You have already begun reaching out. At this point, getting involved in a home group is very beneficial to you. You can find a variety of information online. GO! You'll see. Be sure to ask where you can get a schedule-book with all the locations and time-schedules in it. Don't feel bad about going to meetings, everyone there has the same goal, more than less. Even though at first we all may feel awkward at an unfamiliar place. Stick with a place for a few visits and get a feel for the group. If you're not comfortable with a place go to another place. Until you feel comfortable about going there all of the time. Its a process, so take your time. But GO! At first it may seem like its useless but it isn't. Then again you may find a place right off that you'll feel really good about. You may also want to check out the selected groups for men or women only. The first step is recognizing that you have to change, so you are already on your way to changing for the better. Now you need to learn the tools of how to deal with keeping to it. Remember how far you would go to get your DOC? (works for Drink or Drug of choice.) Use that same persistence and desire to get the support & learn the tools you need to stick to your sobriety.
Its ALL worth it.  

 

This is one journey that is more successful when you have support from others. Because addiction is very stubborn about staying in your life. It will cause you to have cravings and triggers influenced by the social structure you are subjected to everyday. Its a monkey on your back and its holding on to you very strongly. You'll need to learn how not to give in to it. Because of all the influence there is in society for most of us it can be difficult to overcome, at first. But by having support and direction from your group, you will become strong enough to overcome those influences that would otherwise get the better of you. If you are fortunate enough to connect  with  a "good" sponsor, its a very good idea to do so. You may have to go through a couple of sponsor's though before you find one that really is active in helping you stay clean and sober. But don't despair, you will find one. Although some people may not be as genuine as others, you can connect with the right person. Don't give up trying. A sponser can become an important associate in your journey to staying clean and sober. Look for someone who has been clean and sober for more than 2 years. In doing so, this person has honed the tools for staying away from the addiction. You want someone who has a positive outlook and solid emotional stability. So look for these qualities before you ask someone to be your sponsor.

 

 

What about relationships? One rule of thumb you should always stick to during recovery and that is, NEVER get romantically involved with your sponsor, people in your group, or even people outside of your group. Especially within your first year of going to meetings. Why is this important? Because when you're in the first stages of recovery you are not emotionally ready or prepared to take on any issues that come with a relationship. Just the common events of it can be stressing. A lot of times when things get stressed or go wrong in a relationship, it can cause you to relapse. Sometimes it can cause worse things to happen as well. Its safer for your sobriety and for you to keep any outside emotional demands from occurring. If you're already in a relationship, hopefully your partner is attending meetings as well. Either for themselves or to learn how to support the partner in recovery. Both people in a relationship will need to learn how to deal with sobriety whether both are addicts or not. Also remember just because you are going to a meeting place where most people are working at the same thing, sobriety, don't think that everyone there is a wonderful, trust worthy, supportive person. Even though we'd like to think that about everyone, there will be some people there with their own agenda. They may not be as genuine about their sobriety as others. Something else to keep in mind.

 

                            

All in all attending a support group for any addiction is a very useful tool for people. You get from it what you want by attending. Take the time to talk to someone who has been going to meetings for a long time. Someone who has been clean and sober for a while. You can feel their inner-strength, self assurance and positive attitude. It doesn't matter how many people are at a meeting either. You can attend a small group or a large group, its up to you. But going is key to feeling better and staying clean and sober. You are going because you want to learn to live life on life's terms, without having to use drugs or alcohol to exist. The cravings diminish overtime, the triggers are kept at bay because you've learned how to deal with them. You wake up and actually feel grateful for the day. Like a lot of things, you get out of it what you put into it. But you have to make up your mind to go everyday even more than once a day if necessary. This is your journey to sobriety. You are going to these meetings to help yourself get on the road of a clean, sober and happy life. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your life. You have to take it serious in order for your recovery to be achieved. And it can be achieved even if you're at that point of your addiction where you believe you can't exist without your DOC. As a matter of fact its when you think that.. that its time to get the help you need. Its time to get your life back. Just Go!

 

 

 

Copyright(c)2013.How Do I Reach Out For Help - What About Support Groups? Written by SherrieVitello. All Rights Reserved.

The Out Of Our Control Worry - How do we deal?

Along with everything else that all of us human beings have to worry about in our daily lives is the haunting yet very real fact that the world around us is going through some changes. I'm talking about what's going on with our planet. It's what I call 'Out of Our Control Worry.' The worry about things that we can only do very little or nothing to change or prevent from occurring. I look at the news every morning and there always seems to be some form of disaster that has taken place somewhere on our beautiful planet. Some caused by mankind, no doubt, but alot of these occurrences are created by nature. Tornadoes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Volcano erruptions, Floods(altho' this can be attributed to the altering of water ways with dams and dikes.)

Scientists are telling us due to our polluting of the atmosphere, that our ozone layer is breaking down. People are starving. War and rumors of war. Mankind continues to overpopulate parts of the world without having the means to care properly for their offspring. All of these things can weigh on our minds and even make us feel upset, stressed, sad or depressed. I'm not going to sugar coat this and tell you that it'll all be alright, no one really knows the outcome of our future, except this, if mankind doesn't get their act together with the planet, we will not survive the outcome. Sounds awful doesn't it? For those who are familiar with the writings of Revelations, these are all the signs of the times. The four horsemen are riding strong in a metaphoric sense.  

For more information on the planets most polluted places read it at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blacksmith_Institute#World.27s_Worst_Polluted_Places_ReportsList of the World's Worst Polluted Places. It's interesting reading.  

Now no one likes to hear or read about all of these awful things taking place on our planet, who has the time to worry about them? The thing is that even though alot of folks will not watch the news about all of these terrible events, the thought of knowing they exist still weighs on our minds. Whether we realize it or not. We just don't bring those thoughts and worries to the forefront of our conscience thinking. How does that effect our emotions, attitudes, outlook and thoughts? If we live by the saying 'Out of sight, Out of mind' then perhaps that gives us alittle reprieve. Which is a good thing for us. Afterall we all can't walk around moping and feeling awful right?

It stands to reason that if we continue about our lives with a positive outlook, things are better for us. No matter what may be going on around us. Of course if there is any way to help to preserve our lands, nature and the planet then we should always work towards that. I would like to grow old knowing that our children and their children and so on, will do all in their power to protect and preserve our planet. When everyone lends a hand in helping this cause, it can only help to sustain a better world. But we all have to contribute, even in the smallest ways. Whether it's recycling, converting water into energy, lowering green house effects, stopping the pollution of our skies etc. every little bit helps our planet. Remember..we only have one earth.

I once read a story a long time ago that has stuck in my mind forever and I still apply it especially today. Altho' there may be various but similar writings of it, the meaning is the same. It says; an angel came upon a man hoeing his garden and the man appeared happy in his work, the angel asked the man. "What would you do if the world was going to end tommorrow?" The man replied; "...continue hoeing my garden." Those are words to live by. And that's what I'll leave with you on how to deal with the out of our control worry. Enjoy the day!

Written by Sherrie Vitello





Copyright(c)2011.The Out Of Our Control Worry. By Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

7 Quick Ways to Calm Down

Anxiety zappers that can rescue you from daily stresses.

I'm easily overwhelmed. When my kids' exuberant screams reach a decibel level my ears can't tolerate, when Chuck E., the life-size "rat" at the pizza place, starts doing his jig while flashing arcade lights blind me, or when I open my email to find 100 messages--I feel a meltdown coming on. Which is why I came up with seven quick ways to calm myself down.

I turn to these when I don't have time to call my mom and hear her tell me, "Everything is going to be fine." They keep me centered and grounded for as long as possible, and they help me relax my body even during those times when screaming kids and dancing life-size rats converge.

1. Walk Away

Know your triggers. If a conversation about global warming, consumerism, or the trash crisis in the U.S. is overwhelming you, simply excuse yourself. If you're noise-sensitive and the scene at Toys-R-Us makes you want to throw whistling Elmo and his buddies across the store, tell your kids you need a time-out. (Bring along your husband or a friend so you can leave them safely, if need be.) My great-aunt Gigi knew her trigger points, and if a conversation or setting was getting close to them, she simply put one foot in front of another, and departed.

2. Close Your Eyes

Gently let the world disappear, and go within to regain your equilibrium. Ever since my mom came down with blepharospasm (a neurological tick of the eyelid), I've become aware of how important shutting our eyes is to the health of the nervous system. The only treatment available for this disorder is to have surgery that permanently keeps your eyelids open (you need to moisten them with drops, etc.). Such a condition would be living hell for my mom, because in closing her eyes she regains her balance and proper focus. The only time I recommend not using this technique is on the road (if you're driving).

3. Find Some Solitude

This can be challenging if you are at work, or at home with kids as creative and energetic as mine. But we all need some private time to let the nervous system regenerate.

I must have known this back in college, because I opted for a tiny single room (a nun's closet, quite literally), rather than going in on a larger room with a closet big enough to store my sweaters. When three of my good friends begged me to go in with them on a killer quad, I told them, "Nope. Can't do it. Need my alone time, or else none of you would want to be around me.
Trust me." My senior year I went to the extent of pasting black construction paper on the window above my door so no one would know if I was there, in order to get the hours of solitude that I needed.  Be creative. Find your space. Any way you can. Even if it involves black construction paper.

4. Go Outside

This is a true lifesaver for me. I need to be outside for at least an hour every day to get my sanity fix. Granted, I'm extremely lucky to be able to do so as a stay-at-home mom. But I think I would somehow work it into my schedule even if I had to commute into the city every day.

Even if I'm not walking or running or biking or swimming, being outside calms me in a way that hardly anything else can. With an hour of nature, I go from being a bossy, opinionated, angry, cynical, uptight person into a bossy, opinionated, cynical, relaxed person. And that makes the difference between having friends and a husband to have dinner with and a world that tells me to go eat a frozen dinner by myself because they don't want to catch whatever grumpy bug I have.

5. Find Some Water

While watching Disney's "Pocahontas" the other day with my daughter Katherine (yes, I do get some of my best insights from cartoons), I observed the sheer joy the main character shows upon paddling down the river, singing about how she is one with the water. It reminded me of how universal the mood effects of water are, and how healing. On the rainy or snowy days that I can't walk the double stroller over to our local creeks, I do something the global-warming guys say not to; take a long shower, imagining that I am in the middle of a beautiful Hawaiian rain forest. "Water helps in many ways," writes Elaine Aron. "When overaroused, keep drinking it--a big glass of it once an hour. Walk beside some water, look at it, listen to it. Get into some if you can, for a bath or a swim. Hot tubs and hot springs are popular for good reasons."

6. Breathe Deeply

Breathing is the foundation of sanity, because it is the way we provide our brain and every other vital organ in our body with the oxygen needed for us to survive. Breathing also eliminates toxins from our systems.

Years ago, I learned the "Four Square" method of breathing to reduce anxiety:

1. Breathe in slowly to a count of four.

2. Hold the breath for a count of four.

3. Exhale slowly through pursed lips to a count of four.

4. Rest for a count of four (without taking any breaths).

5. Take two normal breaths.
6. Start over again with number one.

7. Listen to Music

Across the ages, music has been used to soothe and relax. During the worst months of my depression, I blared the soundtrack of "The Phantom of the Opera." Pretending to be the phantom with a cape and a mask, I twirled around our living room, swinging my kids in my arms. I belted out every word of "The Music of the Night."   "Softly, deftly, music shall caress you, Feel it, hear it, secretly possess you...."The gorgeous song, like all good music", could stroke that tender place with in us that words couldn't get to.

By Therese J. Borchard 
(Bought to you by http://www.beliefnet.com/)

The Choice Is Yours.

We all know that planning ahead is always a good idea. Although sometimes in our lives things just pop-up unexpectedly.  What I'm talking about is your future. When I was growing up no one ever discussed with me the ideals of having a successful career, or going on to college.  I wished they did.  As I grew older and more independent I remember thinking how great it's going to be to have my own car, party with friends, my own place to live, my independence, no one telling me what to do, earning my own money. 

Although I did acquire all those things...I forgot about having to pays bills, the stress of getting up and going to work, sexual pressures, making sure I had enough money for food. But mostly...how was I going to take care of my 3 beautiful little girls?  Sure I did the marriage thing, had children, got divorced.  Then it was up to me to make it through each day, this time with my 3 baby girls. What was I going to do?  I've pretty much learned early in life that it's better to count on yourself then other people. Of course sometimes your family or close friends can be a life saver. 

I was determined to be able to take care of my girls. At that time...that bottle of wine was getting better looking everyday. Since I married young and began a family young(like alot of folks), all that thinking of being on my own, having my own place to live, supporting my own life, was now a distant memory. Now I had to think about surviving the bills, supplying food and meeting the needs of 3 daughters. Yup...I was in control. (Not!!) The point I'm making here is things in life can happen unexpectedly or planned. It's really up to what choices we make in our lives. 

If we decide to marry young, we can put off creating a family and continue with careers, schooling etc.  We can continue getting our lives together so our futures won't be an unexpected happening.  Or stay single and do the same thing. Again...choice is always up to us.  So what are you going to do?  You can only use drugs and alcohol so long before it catches up to you. By way of physical destruction, emotional hangovers, break downs, or death.  Or you can choose a better way. Plan for a better future. You, as individuals, are worth pursuing a better way of life. 

This is one thing about the American Way, I love. We have a choice to end up on the streets or living in a decent place. Once we realize that using drugs and drinking alcohol is a road to destruction, we can begin to heal ourselves by breaking the habit. But again...it's your choice.  I know 'the addicts thinking' will say: "...it's because of that, or this person that I'm like this..."  WRONG!  We each made the choice to take that drink and to do those drugs ...remember?!...and now you're so screwed up that you can't even reason clearly
as to how you got this way. Now it's your choice to get yourself out of this hell you're living or stay that way and end up where you really don't want to be.  It's a difficult process...it's not easy, I'm not going to bullshit you.  But you MUST remember...you are worth having a good life and being happy. Yes, you can be happy. Once you get your head out of the clouds and come to alittle clarity, you'll begin to see that there is a better way of living. So it's up to each of us, individually, to make our choices for our lives. I hope that all of us can make a positive choice, a good choice for all concerned. 

We weren't put on this earth to exist in the haze of addiction.  We can have control over our lives, if we just stick to being good to ourselves and caring about how we live. Put out the effort to create a better life. It will happen. The choice is yours.

Written by: Sherrie Vitello,  Enjoy the day.

Keep It Simple

All too ofter, we complicate our lives. We can wonder and worry our way into confusion, obsession or preoccupation, it's called, "what if?"  "should I?"  "what do you think?"  We seldom stop trying to figure out what to do, where to do it, how to meet a challenge, until someone reminds us to "keep it simple."  What we each discover, again and again, is that the solution to any problem becomes apparent when we stop searching for it. The guidance we need for handling any difficulty, great or small, can only come into focus when we remove the barriers to it, and the greatest barrier is our frantic effort to personally solve the problem.

We clutter our minds, we pray for an answer and yet don't become quiet enough, for long enough, to become aware of the direction to go, or the steps to take. And they are always there. Inherent in every problem or challange is its solution. Our greatest lesson in life may be to "keep it simple", to that no problem stands in our way because no solution eludes a quiet, expectant mind.

I have opportunities every day to still my mind, and the messages I need will come quietly. My answers are within me, now.

Quote by; Alice Roosevelt Longworth: "I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Written by: Sherrie Vitello. Excerpts written by:  Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

High Expectations.

For those of us who have had to deal with being let-down by our expectations, this article is for you. I'm positive that we have all been let-down at onetime or another because we didn't get what we expected.  As we have come to stop abusing ourselves with drugs and alcohol, we sometimes expect our lives to become this magical, wonderful place to be, right away. It's like trying to win the Indy500 with a racecar that has fouled sparkplugs. We have to remember, for all the time we spent using, we also closed off alot of the things that could have made our lives better.  Sometimes we probably didn't even realize just how messed up our lives became while abusing ourselves. 

Although some of us were functioning addicts...we believed we were doing just fine when we had our drugs or had our drinks.  Until the next time we ran out of our drugs, or didn't have our drinks.  We had gotten so clouded by our addiction that we lost the true perception of the world around us.  We don't really realize that until we're clean and sober just how clouded we truly were.  We have to remember that it took us time to get that way and it's going to take some time to get back on the right path and begin to see our lives in a more positive light.  But it does happen. 

The best way to get through this, without relapsing, is talking about it to others and learning that it's not just you that has had this problem.  You can also read up on how to motivate yourself.  I believe that if we surround ourselves with positive outllooks and attitudes that we will attract the positive things in the universe. Plus we must also learn that negative things do happen at times, and we must learn to cope and deal with the negative things using a positive resolve.  It's like having the attitude that we are not going to let any negative things turn us back into those addicts we once were. 

So don't be affraid to make goals and stick to them in order to improve your life.  Sure you may have some set-backs, but that doesn't mean you have to regress back to your addictive ways.  Realize it's going to take some time for you to re-establish relationships, of any kind, that you may have damaged during your addictive times.  Know that this can be accomplished by the actions we take now once you've made the decision to break away from your addictions.  Like I tell my daughters even to this day, "Believe in yourself, do your best, and you'll be alright."  I find that to be so very true.  Until next time, enjoy the day. 

  

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