"I look inside myself to find my peace"


How Addiction Effects Our Life of Purpose.

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose" When I read this quote I realized that this is what everyone needs to live by in order to feel content, gratitude and happy about their lives. Having a purpose. When a human-being has no purpose in their lives they are much more susceptible to staying or becoming addicts. Be it drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-shopping, to name a few. Everyone of us feels the need to have purpose, be needed, feel worthy, have approval, even being looked up to. When we lack those feelings we feel empty inside and we tend to "make up" (sort of speak) for that emptiness. We do that by developing habits. Some people develop good habits and some people develop bad habits. When we are addicts we need to stop the bad habit and replace it with a good habit. So its stand to reason that when a person doesn't have these emotional-tanks filled to some degree, they are more likely to fall off the path of staying clean and sober.

We must continue at all costs to strive to have purpose in our lives. It won't be given to us. With purpose we are given the air under our wings that lifts us up away from our unhealthy addictions. Why does having a life of purpose effect us so much? I did some research about this and found some very interesting facts about how "purpose" effects our brains. Because of our limbic system located in our brains. This part of our brain directs emotion and behavior. The limbic system sets the emotional tone of information before it reaches the cortex, where most of our thinking and learning takes place. Our limbic system interprets and directs emotions and behavior. Then these emotions are sent to the cortex where it is processed. When we have purpose in our lives we have emotions of fulfillment and contentment. This is a positive state of mind and our limbic system interprets this as positive information.

Which gives us a feeling of purpose and directs our behavior to achieve and meet our goals. Of course when our feelings get hurt or we have emotional trauma in our lives, it makes us feel unhappy as if we have no purpose at all. Especially when we have not learned how to cope with or deal with negative situations very well. These kinds of emotions can lead us to finding ways to comfort ourselves, over eat, self medicate or drink too much, to forget how we're really feeling. And this happens alot to alot of people. Now think for a moment just how using drugs, alcohol or overeating (which are the 3 most common forms of addiction) will effect us. First by using artificial stimulus (some-thing external that influences an activity such as drugs, alcohol, over eating) we end up saturating our brains due to the overflow of chemicals. Drugs, alcohol or overeating effect our brains by acting to enhance or interfere with the activity of neuro- transmitters and receptors within the synapses of the brain.

Our brains are made up of neurons ( aka nerves) so whatever drugs or chemicals we put into our bodies will get to our brains but the effects are destructive not productive. This is why after so many years of drug addiction, alcoholism or over eating the effects on our brains and bodies start to take over. We've all seen people that have been addicts for a long time and the abuse they subject their bodies to, the end results are unpleasant to see. Whenever you think about something, sense something or do something, what is happening at the level of the brain is that various neurons are sending information to one another concerning what you are thinking, sensing or doing. It is at the level of this inter-neuron communication that most drugs have their effects. Either by over stimulating or preventing proper function. So the idea that we are making ourselves feel better by continuing with an addiction is in reality a harmful and false state of mind. And we cause more damage to our brains than we truly know or want to admit to.

Because our addictive thinking has clouded our reasoning and doesn't want us to stop being addicts. It's a demon we have to fight in order to gain control over our health and quality of life. When you really think about how addictions effect your brain and body to this degree. You can build on that knowledge of how to start stopping your addiction. We all know that addiction isn't good for us. But when we step back and see the true damage and we learn how our addictions really hurt us and how it disrupts our lives. We can then see that it's up to us as an individual to stop blaming everyone and everything else, take responsibility for your actions and to get the help
needed to stop being an addict. To allow ourselves to gain control and achieve a positive lifestyle, state of mind and a happier life. It is only when the addict can addmit they have this problem, they can't fix it alone and they reach out for help that they are truly on the path to recovery. We can then understand the true meaning of "getting high on life!"  Enjoy the day.

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  Copyright(c)2011-2012. How Addiction Effects Our Life of Purpose. Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.


Addiction and Denial - The 2 Components That Make Up Addiction.

   I was researching some ideas about articles on addiction and I came across Dr.  Robert Lefever's video's. I reviewed a few of them and found that they really focus on the indepth problems of addiction. The how's, why's, what can be done, how can I help myself, etc. The 3 most common addictions are alcohol, drugs, and eating disorders(both anorexia & bulimia.) The one thing I found was although we don't recognize it when we're actively in our addiction, we do have control over what happens to us. Once we accept the fact that we need to get help. We can overcome the powers of the addiction. But we first have to acknowledge and except that we need help to fight our problem.

Take a moment and have a look at this video, which is informative and very helpful for any of us either just beginning to get clean and sober or to help us stay on track of our sobriety. Dr.  Lefever makes some really "right on the head" points. He knows what will work for addicts who want to change for the better. He himself was an addict for 21 years, he didn't think he had a problem either, like alot of addicts think. Until the pain of his addiction was so bad that he had to make a change. Watch the video, you'll see what I mean. It just might help to get someone back on the right track to living instead of killing themselves.
Thanks for watching and reading my post. Enjoy the day!

Dr Robert Lefever-MA, MB, B Chir. - In 1986, Founded The PROMIS Recovery Centre, which pioneered and developed a new approach combining the benefits of several proven therapeutic models. The approach was so radical it was initially met with scepticism by the medical press. However, word rapidly spread, through patients’ recommendations, that the approach was miles ahead of anything else available. We quickly established ourselves as the only place to go.


Keep Your Eye on Your Goals No Matter What Comes Your Way!

                       (Video-Source by kannanssss)
Without failure we would never learn to do better next time. All of the negatives that seem to try to divert us from reaching our goals are there to make us better at what we do. Persistence is a unique mental strength, a strength that is essential to comb at the fierce power of the repeated rejections and numerous other obstacles that sit in waiting and all apart of winning in a fast moving, ever changing world. Highly successful men and women who have cut a path for others to follow, while leaving their mark on history all shared one common thing, everyone of these people were persistent.

So the next time you feel like you're getting no where, we all do sometimes, that's the time we truly need to put our best foot forward and keep working at our goals. It's when times seem there hardest that must not quit. Try applying affirmations to your daily routine. Here are 2 of my favorites.....

..."Success is NOT final, Failure is NOT fatal, it's having the courage to continue that matters." by Winston Churchill.

..."Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit." by Napoleon Hill. 

When we apply to our climb towards our success the thought process of succeeding instead of the fear factors of failing, we already have made progress towards our goals. Now, we keep going, steady, patiently, with persistence, never allowing anything to remove from our minds eye, our plateau of  our goals. When we believe in what we are trying to accomplish, we make way for that accomplishment to become reality.

  Enjoy the day.

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Copyright(c)2011.Keep Your Eye on Your Goals No Matter What Comes Your Way! By Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.


Keeping Up With The Joneses - That In Itself Is A Real Tragety

"Hey..I have to get one just like that!"
Why is it that we humans, or alot of humans, seem to think that they have to "keep up with the Joneses?" All thru' our lives we observe how there are so many people in our society that feel that they have to have the same style of clothes, the same vehicle, the same material things that someone else my have. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about looking up to or admiring someone for their character here, this is more about the material things that people seem to think define them. Sure it's great to have a nice wardrobe or a nice car. And perhaps these things do define us to some degree. But these material things are not who we are, at least they shouldn't be, they are material, they can show our success or our financial status but they can't make us who we are as a human being. Sadly for some people, they never get that. Have you ever noticed some of those people that are "well off financially" have a way of looking at others like they are much better than most people? Why is that? What happens to the character or personalities of people that have alot of material things? If you've been around these kind of people, you may have noticed how judgemental some of them can be. It's almost like they forget that somewhere along their family tree, their ancestors all got started somewhere too and probably with very little means. Reflecting back to school days is some the most painful memories for some, because they can recall the way they were treated just because they didn't have all the material things some others had.
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"Why do they have to make fun of me?"
They were made fun of, ridiculed, picked on, out cast for no real reason other than the fact that they didn't have the designer clothes, the nice car, the current hair style, or the cool school supplies. Like alot of us, alot of us didn't have those things either and we would hang out with others that were on a similar material level. Of course the guy with the coolest car was always admired and all the girls wanted to be with that guy. Unfortunately people that had alot of material things would act stuck up or judgemental of others with less material things. Once in awhile though, you'd meet someone that had all the material things and they were truly a nice person. They weren't judgemental, they didn't criticize others, they would help you out with your studies, if asked to, they seemed to treat others as they would like to be treated themselves. So what's wrong here? Why is it that some people that have more material things than others seem to develop an attitude of disdainfulness towards those who aren't on the same material level?  Are human beings taught this way of thinking from there parants or peers that are also well off? If so why? Just because someone has more material things than someone else, does that make them better?

You can take two people and stand them side by side. Person A only makes $20,000 a year, person B is well off, makes over $95,000 or more a year. Ok, this is going to seem abit strange but it's a way of comparing them, stick with me for a minute. Picture these 2 people in your mind, see them standing side by side, got it in your minds eye? Ok, now picture them naked...no really, picture them without any clothes on for a second, look at their bodies from head to toe. Not much difference right? With the exception that some parts may be bigger than others i.e. their hands, feet, longer hair, keep it clean now, this is PG rated LOL! Ok back to the point. Now picture them dressing themselves. Whether they start with the bottom half first or the top half first, isn't important. But as you see them dressing themselves, they really don't do anything much different than anyone else, they really don't look any different than anyone else. So what is it that causes a person that has more material things than others, seem to also have a different way of seeing others? I could never understand why that is so. Don't get me wrong, not all well off people are this way. But you've got to admit there is a majority of people that are like that. I want to know why? Where is it etched in stone that a person that has more material things is better than those who don't?
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The human factor
Do you think people that are well off materially are better people at heart than others? No of course not. There is good and bad people from all walks of life. Being good at heart stems from what we are taught as children, life-lessons etc. But there are people that are well off materially that "think" they are better than others. So it would stand to reason that these kind of people were taught to think this way. That could be the great divide between all people. When we "think" that we are better than everyone else, humans tend to forget the human factor. In general, a human factor is a physical or cognitive property of an individual or social behavior which is specific to humans and influences functioning of technological systems as well as human-environment equilibriums. Equilibrium is the condition of a system in which competing influences are balanced.   I believe people thinking they are better than others because they have more material things, stems from way back in time. I mean, even back to when people were first on the planet. And if so, why? Could our creators have been responsible for placing this in our genes? Where did this way of thinking derive from? Perhaps it has to do with humans having free-will. Our creators gave us free-will, so we could rationalize, solve, decide choose the way we think. That being so could be the reason why alot of humans believe if they have more material things, they are better than others. But even if this is true, I'm not saying these people are better than others. Maybe just better off. In a material sense
Quality of Life is so much more than material things.
As our children grow they aspire to be astronauts, doctors, physicists, great chef's, teachers, artists, and alot of them try to reach that goal and succeed. I believe whatever life-lessons are taught or learned by our children inspire them to become the adult they want to be. No doubt when we are raised with more means than others, we can accomplish things easier. Not to say, that anyone on any material level can't accomplish things, they can. What all of us need to remember is we have the right to excel in our lives anyway we desire. We have it in us to become anything we want. It really doesn't matter how much material things we have. What matters is how we utilize the time we are given and how we utilize material things. Hopefully for the better, not for self serving, vanity or conceited ways. Our quality of life is really what should matter to us, not the material things we acquire in our lives. Perhaps some people are born into being better off from the start and the purpose of this isn't so these people can brag and show off all their material things. Altho' alot of them do. Maybe they are meant to have all these things for another purpose, to help those less fortunate or to teach others how to be successful. Its just that somewhere along the line these well-off human beings forgot about that purpose. They began to think only about themselves and how being well-off benefits only them. It has become a "keeping up with the Joneses", dog eat dog world for alot of people. That in itself is the real tragety.  Enjoy the day.

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Copyright(c)2011.Keeping Up With The Joneses - The Effects On The Human Race.Written by Sherrie Vitello, All Rights Reserved.



Steps for Dealing With the Triggers That Lead You Back to Your Addiction

Get off the Addiction Ride to No Where!
Ok, you've made your choice. You've decided to stop using drugs or drinking alcohol. You believe in going to meetings for support, you read all the material written about addictions, you've decided to stay away from friends that use or drink and you're determined, this time, to make it. To not be an addict any longer. You want to wake up feeling good about living without having to pop a pill or take a drink of alcohol. Things are going ok, but could be better. You still have the "CRAVING MONSTER" on your back. You come into situations, whether negative or positive, that use to be triggers that made you use or drink before. Whether it is a happy time, a cook-out event, visiting relatives or friends, you use to have a drink, pop a pill, snort or shoot your drug of choice. But now you have to deal with these events without falling back on your addiction. It sucks! It's hard, but you tell yourself you're not going to give into those cravings or triggers. Sometimes when we are deciding to truly stop using or drinking, we fear knowing that we will have withdrawal symptoms, we think that we can't survive without our drug or drink of choice. We miss and desire that first hit feeling we get when we use or drink. It's very powerful. This is where we face our demon. Whether it's drugs or alcohol, we have to face this craving and deal with it properly. How many times have you had that strong craving for either your drug or drink of choice, even after a long time of being clean or sober?

"I'm not giving into this craving!"
You've been thru detox, you've been weaned off of your drugs or alcohol, you're clean, sober, straight, dry however you call it. So why are you still experiencing these cravings? Sometimes it's so strong that you think you'll fall back into your addiction. Sometimes people do. But you are at the end of your rope of using or drinking. You want the desire for this addiction gone! What can you do? When you crave your drugs or drink, you need to deal with the craving quickly. If you don't you can find yourself right back in the same chaos of using or drinking again. Feeling this craving, desire, hunger for, compulsion doesn't mean you have to give into it. You can start by reducing the things you use to do that would always be a trigger for you to use or drink. You will have to stay away from certain places and friends that influence you to stay in the addictive behavior. A true friend would not try to make you use or drink, when they know you're trying to quit. Cravings happen to everyone when they are changing their addictive ways into non-addictive ways. But they do eventually stop being so over bearing. By getting into things that are positive influences for you is another way to curb cravings and triggers. Start by developing a healthier outlook towards your life. Start by learning to live a more balanced life. Remember this most of all. Just because you have a craving or you come into a trigger moment, doesn't mean you have to use or drink. You don't have to give into it. Change your behavior and you'll change the addiction.

"I'm so glad you spoke with me...I feel better now."
If you have a sponser call them right away for support. They can be very helpful to you. If you go to meetings, get to one. Find comfort from your spouse or good friends, just talking about how you're feeling can help the craving subside. The power of prayer can help. Take a moment to recall all of the problems you have had because you were drunk or too high. Occupy your mind with something fun that doesn't involve using or drinking. Play a game with your children, go to a park and run thru the exercise routines along the path. Go see a movie you're interested in watching. Play tennis, go swimming. Get into playing a sport like baseball or bowling and go play. Paint that area in your home thats in need of a lift. Rearrange your furniture. Take a hot shower or bath. Whatever you choose to do that can help you to take your mind off of that craving. Learn to fall back on those things instead of giving into your craving. You'll find that when you stick with this method it really does work. Because cravings are fleeting. Exercising is a perfect way to get rid of cravings. Because exercising releases chemicals in our brains such as Endorphin, which helps to decrease stress, gives us a euphoric feeling, and helps to decrease appetite(for those trying to lose weight)and improves our immunity system. Serotonin is another neurochemical released in our brains when we exercise. It is a natural mood enhancer and decreases symptoms of depression. BDNF aka brain derived neurotrophic factor also released into the brain when we exercise. It has been shown to help reduce the symptoms of depression and also enhance brain health and memory.

There are many other ways to feel good naturally without having to use a chemical or drink alcohol. Think of all the things you can do sober. Its also a hell of alot healthier for us. Over time people are successful and they find their own strategies for dealing with their cravings and triggers, and you can too. But when we first start out it would be better for us to have support from others that have been there and done that, and are now no longer addicts. Thats the main goal. You want to no longer be an addict. You want to find ways to overcome your cravings and triggers. I guarantee you this, if you truly want to no longer be an addict, by following the above advice, it will work, if you just give it a chance to work for you. After all when you can wake up everyday and start your day without having to use or drink. You face the day with a positive outlook. You feel good physically and emotionally. You can handle the routine of life-pressures that will always be there. You know you are able to handle life on a clean, sober, capable, positive mind. When you know you don't need or want to drink or use any longer, its a thing of the past. Then you'll know you can handle your cravings and triggers. With each day that goes by, you get stronger and those cravings and triggers get weaker. You gain control over yourself. You are truly happy and grateful. Take it one day at a time. You can do it. Enjoy the day.

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Copyright(c)2011.What Can I Do About CRAVINGS or TRIGGERS? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

The Rainbow Tree - An edited version that improves our quality of life.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Learn to let go of people that cause you pain. Hold fast to those people in our lives that lift us up and help us feel happy. Let go of all the things that you can do nothing about. Mistakes made in the past are there to help us to learn not to do them again and to help someone else who we see is going down that same path. Lift others up that seem to be down, sometimes a word of encouragement can make all the difference. Never be too quick to judge someone you don't know.

For as much negative things that are always around us in our daily lives there is a vast amount of positives. Always think of the possibilities instead of the obstacles that can trip us up. Take on the day as if it was your last. Take nothing or no one for granted. Be grateful for your health, loves, beauty in the world, things that make you happy and rainbows.

...everyone dies, but not everyone truly lives. It is a path we all must take. Enjoy the day.

Written by Author Unknown with excerpts added in by Sherrie Vitello

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Copyright(c)2011.The Rainbow Tree, written by Author Unknown and edited by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.


Have You Had A Hug Today? - The Outstanding Benefits of Hugging

Did you know that when you hug someone it not only gives you a good feeling but it also helps to reduce deseases that can effect your overall health i.e. heart desease and blood pressure issues. Research has found that hugging increases the bonding or love hormone, Oxytocin, which decreases the risk of heart desease. Also hugging decreases the hormone, Cortisol, which decreases blood pressure. Although studies show that the decreases in Cortisol(the Fat-Causing-hormone)is mostly found in women. Oxytocin was found to increase in both men and women, especially those in healthy, positive, loving relationships. A research study was conducted by Dr. Karen Grewen, Researcher/Psychologist and results showed that handholding and hugging decreased the effects of cortisol caused by stress.

Interesting Facts from Wikipedia: Oxytocin is best known for its roles in female reproduction. It is released in large amounts after distension of the cervix and uterus during labor and after stimulation, facilitating birth and breastfeeding. Recent studies have begun to investigate oxytocin's role in various behaviors, including orgasm, social recognition, pair bonding, anxiety and maternal behaviors. For this reason, it is sometimes referred to as the "love hormone."

Cortisol is a steroid hormone or glucocorticoid, produced by the adrenal gland. Sometimes referred to as the fat-causing hormone. Studies show that due to the release of cortisol in the body it has been connected to increased abdominal fat. It is released in response to stress and a low level of blood glucocorticoids. Its primary functions are to increase blood sugar through gluconeogenesis; suppress the immune system; and aid in fat, protein and carbohydrate metabolism. It also decreases bone formation. During pregnancy, increased production of cortisol between weeks 30-32 initiates production of fetal lung surfactant to promote maturation of the lungs.

So in other words, the more positive and stable relationships are the better it will benefit our health. Perhaps those peace loving hippies from the seventies that would always say: "Make love not war.." weren't far off the mark of the benefits of holding and hugging one another. As human beings we are social creatures by nature. Studies have shown that people who are married, have friends and are social, tend to be healthier and happier. Which makes me wonder about people that are anti-social or have antisocial personality disorders. There must be some sort of emotional or biological distortion with those people that cause them to be that way. Some people don't even want to be touched, let alone hugged, and they will avoid getting close to anyone physically.

It has been found that those people have other emotional issues that could probably use some form of counseling. This is not a ridiculous claim. The absence of touch can have an effect on our emotions. The positive benefits touch has on us emotionally and physically are key to retaining a heathly sense of well being. I can't help but think that how we feel about getting touched or hugged stems from when we are babies. A child can grow up disturbed or having social problems with others due to them not being nurtured properly, which normally involves loving hugs and positive reinforcement. Where as a child that was raised in a loving family that was hugged and nurtured grew up having self-assurance and they too were a loving human-being. Of course we can't dismiss the fact that no matter how much we love our children some will fall into the wrong crowd of peers and can become lost and change their entire outlook towards others and life.

For them, even though they came from a loving, nurturing childhood, they have chosen to be influenced by others, whether positive or negative, and they will have to learn from their experiences. Even so, usually people will come to their senses once they've realized they have made a mistake, and they will fall back on the key character builders they learned as a child. Hopefully those were positive reinforcements and nurturing times. Positive touch(or stroking)has been shown to facilitate physical and psychological functioning paritcularly in terms of reducing stress, relieving pain, increasing the ability to cope and general overall health. So when you wake up in the morning take a few moments to hug your spouse, your children, your pets. Even when its appropriate, hugging your co-workers is extremely beneficial too. This can significantly improve your quality of life. Enjoy the day!

\Sources: University of North Carolina, Dr. Karen Grewen-Researcher/Psychologist, Dr. Ben Kim-Natural Health Care, Wikipedia Encyclopedia

Copyright(c)2011.Have You Had A Hug Today?-The Outstanding Benefits of Hugging.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.


Please God... (A Prayer for The Day)

Please God help us all to do & live by what is right, in a world that overflows with wrong. Help us to find our way back when we've gone astray in our lives. Let us walk with wisdom of knowing we all must trust our destiny which you have laid out for us, no matter how unclear it may seem.

Help us when we feel weak or affraid. Guide us when we're not sure. Teach us to be strong and to believe in ourselves. Help us to be content even as we struggle & work towards our dreams & goals. Lead us down the path we need to achieve those goals. Teach us not to be brought down by all the evil that effects our world. Help us to always love each other & help each other.

With our faith intact help us to continue to complete our mission that each one of us has in this life. No matter how down trodden we become, give us the strength to carry on. Help us to have patience to teach those who have not yet come to the understanding of how things should be.

Teach us to forgive the wrong doings which are cast upon us & caused by others who view the world with jealousy & hurtful ways. But mostly, please God, when its time for each of us to leave this shell that contains our true light, once we meet face to face, judge us not for the wrong doings & senseless sins but for the good we have done in our lives. Thank you for this day. Amen

I'm not a religious fanatic, I don't go to church every Sunday, and I don't always behave. Altho' I do believe in God, my views of him are not what most people think about him. But one thing I do know and that is the "Power of Prayer" is apparent. When we feel as tho' our prayers are not answered it may be because we don't truly understand the answer as yet. I tell you this because I've had prayers answered in my life. Coincidence?, I don't believe things happen that way. I always feel better after I pray. Whether its due to praying being a form of self talk or not, prayers are answered. Some higher power or whatever you conceive God to be.. is listening. Enjoy the day.

           Copyright(c)2011.Please God...(A Prayer for The Day) Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.


Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.

Someone once said - "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living." (Author Unkown)

A dear friend sent me this parable the other day and its been on my mind ever since. I keep seeing how it relates so well to those that are struggling with their happiness. What are the causes of them living an  unhappy life?  No matter what we say to those we care about, who are at a bad time in their life, its so hard sometimes to make one see a better way. Its actually heart wrenching to know that someone we love and care about is living a life of self destruction. So much so that they can't even see their own way out of it. What can we do for them? We can offer them support and guidance, hoping that it may help them, but unless these people change from within nothing we do will really help. Whatever our loved one may be suffering from that makes their lives miserable, the actual cause of it we can despise, but we shouldn't despise that person who is suffering from it. It could be happening to anyone of us. 

Even when we've tried so hard to help someone we care about that is struggling in their lives we eventually get that sinking feeling inside that we can't do anything more for them. We can find ourselves feeling at a loss, what do we do now? No one has the right answer here because we can't control people, not really. Unless they want to be controlled and those folks usually end up living in some controlling type situation somewhere. One thing is certain, we don't stop loving someone close to us that is living a life that is out of control. We offer comfort and support in anyway we can. We talk with them with love and concern. We keep telling them that things can be better for them. We show them the path to take and hope they'll take it. Most of all, for our own sanity and our own happiness, we can't blame ourselves for the way someone we love and care about has chosen to live.

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Parents can nurture, teach and love their children. Show them the right path to take. But it will be up to that child, once grown, they become responsible for their character and the way they live. That doesn't mean we should just not care about what happens to those we care about that have problems in their lives. Of course we care, we love this person. When we care deeply about someone who is having problems in their lives, it gives us an opportunity to help that person rebuild how they see things in their lives. Even words of encouragement can shine a light at the end of the tunnel for this person. Letting them know that there is a better way to live. There is hope.

Which brings me to how I interpret the parable above. Its important to understand that sometimes in our lives we need to turn and walk away from the lives we may be living. That which is causing us to be miserable. Some of the people in our lives that are dragging us down, influencing negative outcomes or surpressing our healthy attitudes are what I call, toxic people. We may even like these people, but they are contributing to how our lives are panning out and why our lives seem like they are going no where. Our circumstance of how we are living is also a factor as to why our lives seem hopeless, like its going no where fast. Same s**t different day kind of attitude towards living. This will also make us feel like our lives are just useless. But it isn't. Sometimes we just can't see clear or beyond it. It can be like we're falling into a black hole and see no way out. But there is. How?

By change. Change from focusing on the bad things in our lives and focus on the "what if" scenario. The possibilities instead of the obstacles. By that I mean, start thinking about 'what if' I try to feel better about myself, 'what if' I change my job for something more appealing to me, 'what if' I stop drugging or drinking, 'what if' I begin to want to be alive, 'what if' I leave this lifestyle that I've grown accustom to and change it, obviously its not making me happy. 'What if' I start trying to improve myself. As you begin to focus on the "what if" scenario you'll come to a point where you'll ask yourself, "well do I really want to change?" This is where you will face your demons. Now you have to choose, you are at a crossroads. If I were you, I would start to focus on the things you want out of life not the things you don't want. You are responsible for your life. Make it count. Getting involved with people that help to build you up not tear you down. People that are focused on building a better life can be a wonderful influence.  

 Most importantly, learn to forgive. Forgiveness will put out the flame of guilt, anger and animosity. You can start with forgiving yourself. Sometimes we carry within ourselves, things that we're not proud we did, or things that we've done that hurt others. This can weigh heavily on our hearts. You can make ammends with some but you have to let it go and forgive yourself. Then forgive those who have done you wrong. This can be most uplifting for us. Emotionally and spiritually. Its like purging your system of something that was making you ill. This can be, in no doubt the point of never returning to your old ways of thinking and living. Because once you've forgiven these things, you have opened the door to caring for and loving yourself. It's alright..you can love yourself now.  

Everyone eventually learns that life is way too short. I'm still trying to get my brain around how fast it continues to be. And the older we get, the faster it goes. So what do we do when we know we only get so much time to do things? We do as much as we can that will be of benefit for our lives, right? So doesn't it make sense to use what time we have to be as happy and productive as each of us can be? Of course. So we must strive to be happy inspite of all the bs in the world and in our lives. We'll be a better person for it too. But mostly we'll be a happy person and we'll be able to share that happiness with others. I don't know about you all, but I love making others happy because it does make me happy. So sharing the wisdom from life experience, positive advice or words of encouragement, for me, makes me happy to know it just may help someone out there.

And lastly, do you remember when you were younger, and you played games? You would get all excited inside about that one move you were going to make that you knew would allow you to win the game? That was a great feeling. But then sometimes you couldn't win or you moved to the wrong spot and lost. Then you felt kind of bad. But you didn't give up. Because you knew you would have another turn to try again or you knew you would play that game again. And you'd say .."awww, I lost, but I'll win next time!" Well the same principle still applies when we've grown up. We try things out in our lives and some times we don't make it. We may grieve some when we've failed. But remember success is not final and failure is not fatal, its having the courage to carry on that matters. So you try again, something else, it just might be the right thing for you. Think of all you can learn by looking at life this way. Think of all the things you can teach others. Learn to get excited about your life. Life is full of twists and turns. Living it in the haze of an addiction or just giving up on life is cheating yourself out of truly being happy. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy the day.

The person you are is the very Essence of your Being. This Being might be called your soul, your higher self, or your authentic self. The label isn't important, just the acknowledgement that you are more than the physical person reading these words right now. Unshakeable Self Confidence
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Written by Sherrie Vitello

Copyright(c)2011.Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.



Empty Nest Syndrome - How do we handle the anxiety?

A friend tells me of a situation that she finds herself going through. Actually its probably more of a life changing event. She has 2 children that have reached adulthood and they are embarking on setting out on their own. One will go to college and the other starts a new job at an advertising company. They will be moving away from home. It all sounds great for the children and we wish them the best success in their lives. Off they go..to their own lives. My friend, we'll call her Amanda, is now finding herself waking up everyday without the sounds of activity in the home. As a matter of fact there are no sounds at all inside. With the exception of the cat meowing for her morning meal.

Amanda grabs her coffee and is looking outside. She is almost in a numb state-of-mind because for her, this is her first day of living with her empty-nest syndrome. For alot of mothers(and dads too)this can make you feel alittle lost for awhile, which is completely normal. Of course some parents look forward to having their home back to themselves. Which reclaims a sort of individual independence, which is healthy too. But I believe that even so, there is still a part of each mother(and dad)that will miss hearing all of that noise, the music coming from their room, making sure they eat something for breakfast before they leave the house. Picking clothes up off the floor, sharing special moments with each child, that quality time is so important, even for just a few moments, knowing the smells of their rooms, making sure they have some spending money(if you can)and so many other facets that came along with a full nest.

A breif description of: Empty Nest Syndrome by Wikipedia states: Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of loneliness that parents or guardians may feel when one or more of their children leave home; it is more common in women. The marriage of a child can lead to similar feelings, with the role and influence of the parents often becoming less important compared to the new spouse. A strong maternal or paternal bond between the parent and child can make the condition worse. The role of the parent while the child is still living with them is more hands-on and immediate than is possible when they have moved out, particularly if the distance means that visits are difficult. This will also vary from culture to culture. In some cultures children take care of their parents until they pass away. The syndrome takes its name from bird nesting habits.

So what can we do to help relieve some of the emotional anxiety that accompanies empty-nest syndrome? Here are some strategies that will help. First if you're in a relation ship, you may want to take a good look at your relationship i.e. where will the relationship go from here? Make new goals and plans together that can enrich your bond with your partner. You've spent the last 2 decades taking care of your family, now its time to find yourselves and each other again. Activity is paramount, its so important to develop an exercise routine, bike riding, fishing, hiking, tennis, things you can do with your partner. Plus eating a healthy diet i.e. fruits and veggies(if you don't already do this)along with exercise is incredibly beneficial and you will live healthier and longer.

Pick up the Passion with each other. Make the time to rekindle that romantic side with each other. You've been so busy with family, you haven't really made any special time for just the two of you. Rekindle that romantic side. Plan a cruise, have romantic dinners once or twice a month, go to a resort somewhere. And a very important thing to do is just for yourself, make some "by yourself time." It's important to have some time to do what you like to do by yourself. Maybe start a hobby, create some art, do some thing that is constructive that you enjoy doing. Something that gives you a sense of accomplishment once you've completed it. Even though the children are gone, there is no need to smother each other. Alone time is essential for maintaining a healthy, positive outlook.

I believe at any age, when we participate in activity with children, whether briefly or longterm, it brings out the best in us and makes us better human beings. Enjoy the day!

Copyright(c)2011.Empty Nest Syndrome-How do we handle the anxiety?Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.


The Out Of Our Control Worry - How do we deal?

Along with everything else that all of us human beings have to worry about in our daily lives is the haunting yet very real fact that the world around us is going through some changes. I'm talking about what's going on with our planet. It's what I call 'Out of Our Control Worry.' The worry about things that we can only do very little or nothing to change or prevent from occurring. I look at the news every morning and there always seems to be some form of disaster that has taken place somewhere on our beautiful planet. Some caused by mankind, no doubt, but alot of these occurrences are created by nature. Tornadoes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Volcano erruptions, Floods(altho' this can be attributed to the altering of water ways with dams and dikes.)

Scientists are telling us due to our polluting of the atmosphere, that our ozone layer is breaking down. People are starving. War and rumors of war. Mankind continues to overpopulate parts of the world without having the means to care properly for their offspring. All of these things can weigh on our minds and even make us feel upset, stressed, sad or depressed. I'm not going to sugar coat this and tell you that it'll all be alright, no one really knows the outcome of our future, except this, if mankind doesn't get their act together with the planet, we will not survive the outcome. Sounds awful doesn't it? For those who are familiar with the writings of Revelations, these are all the signs of the times. The four horsemen are riding strong in a metaphoric sense.  

For more information on the planets most polluted places read it at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blacksmith_Institute#World.27s_Worst_Polluted_Places_ReportsList of the World's Worst Polluted Places. It's interesting reading.  

Now no one likes to hear or read about all of these awful things taking place on our planet, who has the time to worry about them? The thing is that even though alot of folks will not watch the news about all of these terrible events, the thought of knowing they exist still weighs on our minds. Whether we realize it or not. We just don't bring those thoughts and worries to the forefront of our conscience thinking. How does that effect our emotions, attitudes, outlook and thoughts? If we live by the saying 'Out of sight, Out of mind' then perhaps that gives us alittle reprieve. Which is a good thing for us. Afterall we all can't walk around moping and feeling awful right?

It stands to reason that if we continue about our lives with a positive outlook, things are better for us. No matter what may be going on around us. Of course if there is any way to help to preserve our lands, nature and the planet then we should always work towards that. I would like to grow old knowing that our children and their children and so on, will do all in their power to protect and preserve our planet. When everyone lends a hand in helping this cause, it can only help to sustain a better world. But we all have to contribute, even in the smallest ways. Whether it's recycling, converting water into energy, lowering green house effects, stopping the pollution of our skies etc. every little bit helps our planet. Remember..we only have one earth.

I once read a story a long time ago that has stuck in my mind forever and I still apply it especially today. Altho' there may be various but similar writings of it, the meaning is the same. It says; an angel came upon a man hoeing his garden and the man appeared happy in his work, the angel asked the man. "What would you do if the world was going to end tommorrow?" The man replied; "...continue hoeing my garden." Those are words to live by. And that's what I'll leave with you on how to deal with the out of our control worry. Enjoy the day!

Written by Sherrie Vitello

Copyright(c)2011.The Out Of Our Control Worry. By Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.


Toilet-Time Variables - A Positve or Negative Emotional Effect.

Upon overhearing a strange discussion the other day about how much time should be spent taking care of business on the throne, I thought how I've hardly read anything written up on the subject. Has there been any medical studies on this? Since we have freedom to write on practically any topic..why not? So I decided to find out what I could on the matter and I wanted to share the surprising results with you all. Let me put this as delicately as possible. OK... the question is then posed: "How much time should a person take, on the toilet?" Should there be variables on time?

After doing some research on this subject, besides the obvious, I found out that people have many reasons as to what they do and why they spend a certain amount of time on the all mighty throne, john, loo, toilet or commode. Plus considering technology today, i.e. laptops, playbooks, tablets, MP3's, PSP's, Smartphones, its no wonder people will utilize time spent in the bathroom or even take alittle more time to play with these devices or even to do some quick tasks. Would playing video games, listening to music or doing a business task have a positive effect on us? I believe it could.

Actually, I had no idea that there was so many different types and styles of toilets in the world. Some were simple while some were extravagant. Some toilets came in small stalls that made you feel like you were in a tiny capsule. Some came in huge bathrooms the size of a person's living room or bigger. I started to get flushed about all of this(no pun intended)but I was fascinated about it at the same time. For some people time on the toilet allows them some quiet time, to think about their day, what plans they have, what they'll be doing on the weekend or something about their work. So here I would think that time spent on the toilet is positive.

But we probably shouldn't sit in that position too long due to our legs would fall asleep. Then you'd be stuck there until you figured out how to pull yourself up to your feet, which would make you late for work or an appointment. Then you might be missed by your supervisor or worse, the boss, and you'd have to explain why you were late..it just keeps snowballing into a nightmare LOL! Anyway, some people spend time on the toilet reading a book, magazine, doing crosswords or book puzzles, in an attempt to create a few moments of quiet time. Which I would think is a positive way to relax our minds, ponder a thought, even briefly meditate. For some people spending time on the toilet is a way for them to escape the hustle of the day.

Probably a good thing to do once in awhile. I found that some people felt safe in the bathroom even public rest rooms held a sense of security for some. Why is it called a bathroom at home and a restroom in public? Because many people use the restroom to do their business and freshen up? How can a person "freshen up" in a public restroom? Thoughts and questions keep spinning in my head about this. OK, back to my point. I've been in public restrooms, who hasn't, and frankly when I walk in there, I don't care how sterile it looks, I feel like I've just entered a petri-dish full of bacteria. You can bet I clean the seat and then place paper on it.

I don't even touch the door handle when entering or leaving, I use my elbows when possible. Germaphobic? Maybe. So in this example of using the toilet in a public restroom, although I'm glad to find one when I need it, I get in and out as fast as I can. I don't think this is a positive place to spend too much time in. Besides the lighting is just awful showing all our imperfections."Don't forget to wash your hands before you leave." Do you think people who spend time on the toilet are more relaxed or less stressed than others? Hm... Or are we less stressed just by getting in there and doing our business and getting out? Some times we have to just get in and out quick. Would going about it rushed or quickly as possible, have any negative effects on us?

Are we better for doing it that way or taking a little time for ourselves? So many questions, so little time. What about when you're at work? I believe most people are most likely to spend less time on the toilet. Due to most people work with others so the restroom is more likely to be utilized by more people more often. Unless you're lucky enough to have that restroom that's sort of hidden and not too many use it. I would think consideration would come into play here. So don't spend as much time in there as you would at home and don't forget to spray!

Here's an interesting fact: Scotland docked their workers' wages for the time they spend in the loo.(restroom.) The workers' union TGWU objected after the 200 staff were issued with smart cards that deduct their pay for the time they're away from the factory floor.

"..Oh crap!.."
All in all I discovered that when we spend a few moments on the toilet it has more positive effects on us than negative. But because most of us are so busy with our lives, work, family, friends etc. we tend to overlook this opportunity to take a few short moments to just ease our minds. If we do that it would make our bodily-function easier on us which would be healthier too. If we release toxins from our bodies why not from our minds. So if you're the type of person that is always in a rush, get in, get out, do yourself a favor and the next time you have to use the toilet remember to take a moment to relax your body and your mind. You'll see that your day will become less stressful which is a good thing all the way around. Enjoy the day!

(Please note that this article is not intended to gross anyone out, it's intention is to bring to light the positive and negative effects of spending time in the bathroom. Respectfully, plain and simple. Comments are welcome.)

Copyright (c) 2011.Toilet-Time Variables - A Positive or Negative Emotional Effect. By SherrieVitello. All Rights Reserved.


The Birth Of Violence - A Theory on How and Why It Exist

What is it about human beings that makes us resort to violence? Sometimes I ponder this question and wonder why humans are so easily angered into violent acts. If we think about it, violence has been in human behavior since the dawn of time. Cane and Able for example; Cane being the first murderer and Able being the first murdered victim. All over Cane being jealous of Able. Did this set the path for human behavior? Or were we created this way? If this set the path or we were created this way, either way, I believe our creators were NOT perfect. (Note: I refer to God as "our creator's" due to whats written in the bible, Genesis 1-26.) For those who believe God is the only one, the only creator, or that God stems from several creators, no matter which one we believe, he's not perfect. Frankly I believe God is an extraterrestrial and that there are many others like him, but thats my belief.

Anyway, back to the point. How could an entity(God or Creator)be so perfect and create us and allow us to have violent tendencies? In Genesis 1-26, And God said: 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.'  Now I'm no english major, but the last time I checked, the word "OUR" meant; Used to denote oneself and another or others. In other words: US. My point here is since he created us in his image, does this mean that they also had violent tendencies? God obviously got pissed off at Adam and Eve and then kicked them out of Eden for gaining knowledge after Eve was persuaded to eat that dam apple...right?  Even though stated as punishment, could this be a form of violence?

Why do we human beings loose our tempers, say nasty things to each other, strike each other, kill each other, if we're not wired for that reaction? Sure anger is an emotion, but why do we have that emotion? We must have been created that way. I know God gave us "Free will" so we could choose our behavior, make our own choices. But...if violent tendencies weren't apart of our makeup, we wouldn't have them. So we must have been created with them. That makes me believe that our creators had violent tendencies too. If our dna strand makes up what we are, then perhaps those humans that are more violent than others might have a corrupted peice in that dna strand that causes them to be able to hurt others without remorse. Of course most humans may get angry sometimes, which is an emotional response. But some humans can't seem to control that anger and it explodes into violent acts and even murder. Whoa...thats getting too heavy.

One thing is, I know alot of people "go wrong" in their lives due to their childhood being messed up. But alot of people had bad experiences in their childhood and they don't go around being violent to others. They live a normal peaceful life. Then you have the flip side to that and have people that were raised in well-to-do households and they went totally off the path of living a peaceful, happy life and decided to go out and kill some innocent person. It just doesn't add up. Anyway, there you have some theories on violent behavior and why it exists. All I know is the history of human beings has always had violence in it. I'm not sure if psychiatrists or medical science will ever find a way to resolve this problem. I guess we should try to live by The Serenity Prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Have a peaceful day.

Written By Sherrie Vitello

Copyright(c) 2011. The Birth Of Violence-A Theory on How and Why It Exists by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.


Beat The Negative Attitude With A Different Outlook

Negative: expressing opposition or denial; lacking any affirmative quality. Positive: certain, absolutely sure; decisive; direct. In comparison these two words are the opposite of each other. Just as human beings have opposite sides to their personalities. It all starts from childhood. How we are shown the world. How we react to situations. How we deal with pressures bought on by others. Since there is no manual on how to raise the perfect human, parents have had to rely on things they were taught and things they believe when teaching their children. Right on up until we're old enough to handle our daily lives. Now although we always hear of someone "going wrong" because of how they were raised, and how we're raised does effect how we form our character. Parents can only give advice or put their child on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. The outcome to any situation will rely on how we see the problem.

For instance, have you ever known someone who always blows things way out of proportion. Alot of the time it's due to stress for that person but also due to that person has not learned that the best way to solve things is to meet them calmly and not to allow anger to blure your vision of rationality. Things will always go wrong in all of our lives, for one reason or another. If we just take a deep breath, wait a few seconds before speaking, think about the situation before coming to a conclusion, we stand a better chance at handling it with a much better resolve. In my life I've met people along the way that would just fly off the handle, before they even knew the entire situation. I did my best to stay away from that negative source. It makes it very difficult for us to approach someone who will not hear the entire situation and they will only think of the negative. This is not the correct way to resolve a situation or problem.

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When we look at situations or problems with a positive outlook or attitude we are able to resolve it easier and with less stress. A positive outlook gives us the opportunity to explore the different ways of solving things because we're not angry, stressed(too much) or thinking everything is negative. Therefore we can beat the negative attitude with a different outlook. And 9 times out of 10 we're going to succeed at making a decision for whatever situation may arise, for the better. So the next time you come across something that boils your blood, makes you mad, take a few moments to think about what would be the best way to resolve this, in a positive way, so it turns out well for all concerned. Leave your anger somewhere else because it will most likely get you no where. I guess for alot of us maturity plays an important role in learning to achieve a positive way of thinking. We would be better for it, emotionally and health wise once we realize that negative begats negative. Just as positive begats positive. Keep calm and carry on. Enjoy the day.
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Written by: Sherrie Vitello


Weightloss?...This is a Lifestyle Change.

I was watching one of those tv-infomercials the other morning about exercising to lose weight. I couldn't help notice how hard the narrator was trying to get the point across of how much weight you could lose. They would show a woman that was about 5'4", 200lbs. and after just 3 months of using this certain exercise video, she lost 65lbs. Really??... For anyone of us out there trying to lose weight, (who isn't?), please don't stress out over the bs these informercials try to shove down our throats.  Just 3 months huh? 

It'll take most of us 3 months just to get the routine down, let alone doing the routine as coordinated and as fast as they show in the informercial. Believe me I know, I've tried. Plus...why is it that they only show young people?  I mean don't things start heading south after age 40?...Geez!  Ok I'm getting off my point here. Back to the point I'm trying to make. I know in this world everyone is trying to make money using those not too realistic infomercials and advertising. But come on, surely you know that most of those products don't do half of what they state. Plus some of those products are too expensive.

So what can we do to lose the weight and not lose our minds in the process?  For one, with the availability of computers and technology, we have access to all sorts of information. Thats the one thing we should take advantage of here. Taking a few minutes to obtain information about the things that can help us achieve what we are setting out to achieve. If you can afford to go to a dietician, then go get accessed and work out an eating plan that works for you. On the way home, DO NOT stop by the local store for any snacks. One thing I've learned in my journey of losing this middle-aged alien fat is we have to work on what works for us.

If you just listen to all these exercise guru's that tell you 10 different things, you will surely get discouraged. Although we all have the same body parts, inside our bodies can be very different from each other. Due to our bodies make up and our emotional state of mind. Metabolsm, heredity, ability to burn fat, motivation, attitude etc. It's not like you can go on a diet, exercise for a few months when you're feeling up to it and achieve the body shape you're looking for. You have to realize that this is a lifestyle change NOT a short journey.   

You can't do a lifestyle change for a few months. It's exactly what it says it is..."life style."  Look at what you're eating. Ask yourself, do I eat too much fried foods?  Am I stopping by too many fast food restaurants for a quick lunch? Do you tell yourself, "I don't have the time to make a healthy lunch."  Really??... Well ask yourself this, "How much do I care about my health now, in 10, 20, or 30 years from now?"  Are you one of those people that say, "Awww, I'll worry about 10, 20, or 30 years from now when I get there." Well guess what?  Everything you do for your bodies health now...will benefit you greatly in those 10 to 30 years from now.

That's right. If you change to eating healthy, learn about those foods that burn fat, increases the metabolism, foods that help prevent deseases, don't eat fried foods, eat brightly colored veggies and fruits, stop eating at those fast food restaurants, you won't only add years to your life span, you'll add healthy years.  Of course this is not an easy task. So start with changing how you see yourself. Learn to love and respect yourself. When I look at myself in the mirror, which I'm not particularly fond of doing, I see that I need to keep working at my body. I know I have a few more pounds to lose, I'm not bathing suit ready.

But the difference is my attitude about myself has changed.  I no longer look away in discouragement or disgust. I look and see some improvement, some weight loss and I smile. I tell myself I'm doing good, I'm feeling better about me, and thats what I hold on to, that keeps me motivated. Oh and if I were you, get into the habit of not using the bathroom scale. As you get into exercising regularly you'll start to build muscle and muscle weighs more than fat, so if you step on the scale and you've gained instead of lost weight but you've been working your food program and exercising regularly, don't despair. 

As your routine gets more involved and your body starts to respond to your new lifestyle, you'll see the changes in your body, it won't happen overnight, but it does come. Without a doubt, your body will change and you will lose that excess weight.  But remember, be fair to yourself, don't have unrealistic expectations about how long a period of time it will take. Experience shows when we commit to ourselves and we are determined to achieve what we have set out to do, things have a way of working in our favor. So what ever you do, don't stop. It's when things seem their toughest that we must not give up.  Enjoy the day!

Written by: Sherrie Vitello