Our Brains - Friend, Foe or Both?

Let me ask you a question. How often do we tell ourselves things aren't always what we think they are? In other words, there are times when our own brains just think about things so out of context that we have to tell it to be quiet. Although our brains are great at analytical things and things that require deduction or finding answers, where do we draw the line between when we should listen to our brains and when we should tell it to shut up? Here's what I mean by that. Have you ever thought about something that you may not feel too sure about and your brain starts running through a scenario of outcomes? Sometimes these outcomes are so ridiculous, maybe even frightening, that you close your eyes for a few seconds in an effort to stop thinking about it? Or the brain could be thinking of positive outcomes but you don't buy into them completely because things could turn out completely opposite of what you thought? This is what I've come to know as thought pattern displacement. I was told by someone a long time ago NOT to listen to my brain. At that time, I didn't understand, or maybe didn't want to understand what that meant. But as time has gone on and I've gained wisdom, patience and my thinking has grown wiser, I do understand that very well. And its very true too. 

Think of it this way. Within each of us we have 4 raw forms of how we think, come to decisions, decipher and choose our outcomes for our lives. They are our brains, our hearts, our gut feelings and our spiritual beliefs be them through religion or spirituality. These 4 forms make up who we are, how we make decisions and how we live our lives. What I've come to find is our brains are not always our friend. Our brains, besides being a brilliant thinking mass, has the capacity to destroy our self confidence or build our self image with just thoughts. It can even create the outcome of our lives. How we think and what we think are the components of what we make happen in our daily lives. That saying "..our thoughts create our lives.." is more true than we know. When someone says something negative about you. You are the key factor as to how you will allow this negative comment to effect your entire day, effect how you feel and even the outcome of how you see yourself. Unless you are an unfeeling narcissist, you most likely will feel some kind of feelings about what has been said. We could just let go of it, which is probably the best way to handle it. But for some thats not so easy to do. We certainly can't allow others to direct how we should feel. But most importantly we can't allow our brains to fall into the depths of imagination of self doubt, uncertainty or feelings of inadequacy because of it.

Some of the best ways we can help ourselves is by reminding ourselves of all of our inner strengths. The experiences we've gotten through in our lives, our achievements-no matter how small they all count. When the brain starts to think in negative ways, for every negative thought about yourself think of an opposite positive one. It may help you to write it down. Even though this may be difficult to accomplish at times, the more you do that the better you get at it. When things aren't going right for you, take a moment to ask yourself; "what is the lesson I should be learning here?" This is a way we can self examine ourselves and even gain strength within and change the way our brains can think. Now grant it, there will be times when you can't help how you feel. Unkind and hard times can stir up negative patterns, its just the way life is. But its how we handle those moments and how we think about them that makes all the difference in how it affects us and how we will feel. Our thoughts create our lives. We are affected by others only when we allow negative people and unhappy circumstances to affect our thoughts about ourselves. If you're a person that feels like the thoughts your brain creates are making you feel unhappy, its time to re-evaluate your thinking and begin to think differently. Don't become hostage of self sabotaging thoughts that hold you back from discovering what you are capable of achieving and who you truly are. Believe in yourself.


            Copyright(c)2015-2019. Our Brains - Friend, Foe or Both? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Self Esteem - It makes us who we are

Self-esteem is a term in psychology that reflects a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. A person’s self concept consists of the beliefs one has about oneself, one’s self perception. Self esteem is that part of our emotional make up that makes us who we are. When we have healthy self esteem we are capable of achieving almost anything we set our minds to doing. Our self esteem is like a lighter that sets off the fire in our emotional furnace. When we are young our feelings get hurt more easily because we have not yet learned how to deal with hurt feelings. Usually a loving hug from mom and dad, some words of encouragement, would make things all better. As we grow older we learn to handle hurt feelings, for the most part, more maturely. But the road to that maturity isn't always easy. There is and will always be bumps in the road that will test our self esteem. When someone treats us badly we can either handle it with a grain of salt and carry on or we feel hurt, angry and uncertain why we were treated that way. We pretend it doesn't bother us but when we're alone thinking, it can bring you down. If there's one thing you take away from this article remember "no one can make you feel bad about how you see yourself except you."  The meaning of that one sentence can take some people many years to grasp. There is always circumstances that will test character. With the correct outlook towards these challenges you can overcome many circumstances the can lead to having a healthy self esteem. Tweens and young teenagers are more effected by low self esteem. At that age they are discovering who they are and learning about so many things that effect their emotional growth. It can be a difficult stage for anyone at that age. Peer pressure, bullies, abusive home life, negative feedback or no positive influence will effect young minds and could cause them to feel alienated, sorrowful, uncertain about their self worth. It could get so bad that they act out in very negative forms. This is why its a vital part of raising children that parents try to be the positive re-enforcement that children desperately require.

You may not have a huge hollywood home, you may not have boatloads of money, fancy cars, high fashion wardrobes or any of the material things that people think make them happy. You could have a cozy two bedroom home, a decent car that runs well, you buy discount clothes, discount foods, discount everything to save money. There's not a dam thing wrong about that. What matters is how you nurture and teach your children how to live a good solid life. How to respond to those negative events that can chip away at their self esteem. When you see your child down or upset, STOP whatever you are doing and talk "with" your child not at your child. Do your very best to be positive, encouraging, teach your children that its not the end of world when things seem bad for them. Just listen to them, let them express themselves. All parents should embrace their childrens troubles and help them to find a way to solve whatever may be upsetting them. In doing this it will teach your child to deal with the negatives of life and give them a sense of power. They will learn that they can overcome negative feelings that may otherwise turn inward. Even if your child goes off the beaten path, as they sometimes do, usually when they are nurtured and loved unconditionally they will find their way back to the path. This is something that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. So its important as a parent to remember that and follow through. Lets not forget about older folks either. Why are so many older people forgotten? Its as if their families think they are no longer of use or value. Of course, sadly their are older relatives or friends that require care due to diseases that may come with age. But for those who still have their health and minds about them, they can be very helpful when we need wisdom about life. For some people their self esteem is effected by the fact that they are growing older, no longer a young and vibrant person. Thats a hard pill to swallow because none of us want to really face that fact. It effects everyone. I suggest that we all try to age as vibrantly and healthy as possible. We learn to embrace the twilight seasons of our lives and we carry on as best we can. Some people will resort back to an age of youthful thinking to cope with the low tides of self esteem.

Some people will keep themselves rejuvenated and healthy so they can overcome the negatives that ride along side of aging. Some people will give up and become angry and unpleasant, because its difficult for them to except that they are growing older. Those who embrace the natural process of life will usually be more happier and positive about living. They will usually have a higher level of self esteem compared to a person who is in a negative state of mind. You are fortunate when you have family members that are in the golden years. Don't forget they've been around a lot longer than you and they've learned a lot about living life to the fullest. So don't neglect them, listen to them when they speak. Give them a hug to let them know they're loved and that you appreciate their wisdom. Share some happiness. Low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people. Especially those who experience depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. For these people its especially important for them to keep to a positive outlook as best as they can. Counseling is a useful avenue to take and for some medications can be helpful. Medical research has shown that a person with an illness or disease heals better even faster when they have a positive outlook and their self esteem is healthy. If you have a friend or relative that has a health issue like these be a good friend and visit them or call them and nurture their emotional health and self esteem. Not only will it uplift and help them to feel better it will make you feel good that you've helped someone in a time of need. Another way to improve your self esteem is to stop comparing yourself to other people. You are a unique individual and you have the power within yourself, by applying positive implementation to rise above the fall of low self esteem. But you have to practice and apply it for it to be successful for you.

There are endless factors that make up who we are, as an individual. When we compare ourselves to others we tend to focus on factors with envy not seeing our own good qualities. Stay aware of your own thinking. Don't let the negative talk in your head control who you really are as a person. Stay positive in thought. Keep thinking of your own good qualities, virtues and strengths. Fire the negative thoughts going on inside your mind. Make it a habit to praise your qualities and congratulate every victory no matter how small. Always consider the positive factors in your life. Practice this everyday especially when the chips are down. In doing so you can alter, change and overcome low self esteem and live for a better quality of life. Enjoy the day.

Copyrights(c)2014.Self Esteem-It makes us who we are. Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

The Holidays are Among Us

Well everyone the holidays are upon us once again. This year just flew by didn't it?  With the holidays comes some temptations and triggers for alot of us. That eggnog sure looks goods. Party times are everywhere. For those who are working on staying clean and not falling for temptation to our addictions, this post is for you.

At work, with friends, with family...there are moments when we question our sobriety. We may even go as far as to think, "it's the holidays...it's only once a year, why not?"...or sure having "one" drink isn't bad. Even to think, smoking alittle tainted weed won't hurt. Some of us might even be tempted by some friends that will say; "Come on...it's just one line."  Friends we really shouldn't be around in the first place, but sometimes it happens.

This is where everything you know about staying clean/sober will come into action. Whatever you do...don't give into temptation. Don't be fooled by the thought of; "it's only once a year."  What happens when we do fall from grace of sobriety is the "domino effect."  Not to say that some folks can't say "No thanks!" to the occassional invitation to use.   

But for those who are tempted or think about using, you must be strong!  Just as a giant snowball starts out very small, so does our relapse. So have a soda or seltzer with lime, walk away from those who are using drugs at that party. Of course if you do relapse...that doesn't mean you have to stop your recovery all together. You may feel guilty about relapsing but don't fret...you can always reclaim your sobriety again.

Of course that doesn't mean it's ok for you to use once in awhile...it isn't.  The whole concept of getting clean/sober and staying that way is the resolve you want from your recovery. Alot of the time we relapse due to the influences around us. So you might want to consider who you are associated with. In recovery it's wise to stop associating with certain people because they become toxic to our recovery. I call these people 'toxic-friends'. 

Remember...a true friend  would understand that you are cleaning up your act and they won't try to influence you to use. A  true friend   won't use drugs or alcohol when they come around you. You might want to keep that in mind when you are around people you consider friends that are not clean or sober. Of course we as addicts will find ourselves thinking, "Gee...I need a drink to have a good time."  I struggle with this one all the time.

But once you realize that this in only the addiction talking, it helps to get rid of the craving. Get yourself a non alcoholic drink and just let that feeling go, get into the activity or create one. This way you won't have time to just sit there and think about getting high. Have a wonderful holiday everyone!

Enjoy the day.  :)

Written by; Sherrie Vitello

A Wonderful Quote from Celeste Vitello, Author of the Book: Through This Addicts Eyes. " When the pain of getting high is greater than the fear of getting clean, it's time to change."

Each Step

Most of us are on a long uphill climb at this moment. It is a climb we are making together and yet a climb we can't do for each other. I can reach out my hand to you, and you can grasp my hand in return. But my steps are my own, just as you, too, can only take one step at a time.
For brief periods we skip, even run, along the uphill path. The rocks and the occasional boulder momentarily trip us up. We need patience and trust that the summit is still achievable. We can help one another have patience.

We can remind one another to trust. We look back at the periods that devastated us so long ago. And now we are here. We have climbed this far. We are stronger, saner, more secure. Each step makes easier the next step..each step puts us on more solid ground. 

Excerpts taken from the wonderful book:  Each Day A New Beginning by Karen Casey