There IS Hope - Never Give Up!

When we are in our addiction..we believe that we are alright. We fool ourselves into thinking that we are doing fine. We have our drink or drug of choice & the world seems surmountable. But whats really going on with us is, we are headed for a "head on collision" with life. We WILL hit bottom at some point. Hopefully it won't be at the medical examiners office. If we're lucky we will have a rude awakening...in jail. Or perhaps with a friend who will have the courage & love for us to tell us we need to STOP KILLING OURSELVES! If we're sick enough of being sick, we'll listen, get help & change our lifestyle. We will realize that we can exist without our addiction. We will learn to overcome the triggers & cravings that can cause us to relaspe. We will see that we were so wrong about how we saw our lives & we will do all we can to make it better & to make ammends for all the wrong we did to our loved ones & others. Eventually as life happens...we will have the opportunity to help someone else that is walking the same path we just walked. We will reach out to help them. And once we've helped them & we see that our efforts were not in vain..at that moment we'll realize just how fortunate we are to have come through the haze of our addiction. There is always hope! Never give up!  

How Addiction Effects Our Life of Purpose.

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose" When I read this quote I realized that this is what everyone needs to live by in order to feel content, gratitude and happy about their lives. Having a purpose. When a human-being has no purpose in their lives they are much more susceptible to staying or becoming addicts. Be it drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-shopping, to name a few. Everyone of us feels the need to have purpose, be needed, feel worthy, have approval, even being looked up to. When we lack those feelings we feel empty inside and we tend to "make up" (sort of speak) for that emptiness. We do that by developing habits. Some people develop good habits and some people develop bad habits. When we are addicts we need to stop the bad habit and replace it with a good habit. So its stand to reason that when a person doesn't have these emotional-tanks filled to some degree, they are more likely to fall off the path of staying clean and sober.

We must continue at all costs to strive to have purpose in our lives. It won't be given to us. With purpose we are given the air under our wings that lifts us up away from our unhealthy addictions. Why does having a life of purpose effect us so much? I did some research about this and found some very interesting facts about how "purpose" effects our brains. Because of our limbic system located in our brains. This part of our brain directs emotion and behavior. The limbic system sets the emotional tone of information before it reaches the cortex, where most of our thinking and learning takes place. Our limbic system interprets and directs emotions and behavior. Then these emotions are sent to the cortex where it is processed. When we have purpose in our lives we have emotions of fulfillment and contentment. This is a positive state of mind and our limbic system interprets this as positive information.

Which gives us a feeling of purpose and directs our behavior to achieve and meet our goals. Of course when our feelings get hurt or we have emotional trauma in our lives, it makes us feel unhappy as if we have no purpose at all. Especially when we have not learned how to cope with or deal with negative situations very well. These kinds of emotions can lead us to finding ways to comfort ourselves, over eat, self medicate or drink too much, to forget how we're really feeling. And this happens alot to alot of people. Now think for a moment just how using drugs, alcohol or overeating (which are the 3 most common forms of addiction) will effect us. First by using artificial stimulus (some-thing external that influences an activity such as drugs, alcohol, over eating) we end up saturating our brains due to the overflow of chemicals. Drugs, alcohol or overeating effect our brains by acting to enhance or interfere with the activity of neuro- transmitters and receptors within the synapses of the brain.

Our brains are made up of neurons ( aka nerves) so whatever drugs or chemicals we put into our bodies will get to our brains but the effects are destructive not productive. This is why after so many years of drug addiction, alcoholism or over eating the effects on our brains and bodies start to take over. We've all seen people that have been addicts for a long time and the abuse they subject their bodies to, the end results are unpleasant to see. Whenever you think about something, sense something or do something, what is happening at the level of the brain is that various neurons are sending information to one another concerning what you are thinking, sensing or doing. It is at the level of this inter-neuron communication that most drugs have their effects. Either by over stimulating or preventing proper function. So the idea that we are making ourselves feel better by continuing with an addiction is in reality a harmful and false state of mind. And we cause more damage to our brains than we truly know or want to admit to.

Because our addictive thinking has clouded our reasoning and doesn't want us to stop being addicts. It's a demon we have to fight in order to gain control over our health and quality of life. When you really think about how addictions effect your brain and body to this degree. You can build on that knowledge of how to start stopping your addiction. We all know that addiction isn't good for us. But when we step back and see the true damage and we learn how our addictions really hurt us and how it disrupts our lives. We can then see that it's up to us as an individual to stop blaming everyone and everything else, take responsibility for your actions and to get the help
needed to stop being an addict. To allow ourselves to gain control and achieve a positive lifestyle, state of mind and a happier life. It is only when the addict can addmit they have this problem, they can't fix it alone and they reach out for help that they are truly on the path to recovery. We can then understand the true meaning of "getting high on life!"  Enjoy the day.

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  Copyright(c)2011-2012. How Addiction Effects Our Life of Purpose. Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.

Someone once said - "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living." (Author Unkown)

A dear friend sent me this parable the other day and its been on my mind ever since. I keep seeing how it relates so well to those that are struggling with their happiness. What are the causes of them living an  unhappy life?  No matter what we say to those we care about, who are at a bad time in their life, its so hard sometimes to make one see a better way. Its actually heart wrenching to know that someone we love and care about is living a life of self destruction. So much so that they can't even see their own way out of it. What can we do for them? We can offer them support and guidance, hoping that it may help them, but unless these people change from within nothing we do will really help. Whatever our loved one may be suffering from that makes their lives miserable, the actual cause of it we can despise, but we shouldn't despise that person who is suffering from it. It could be happening to anyone of us. 

Even when we've tried so hard to help someone we care about that is struggling in their lives we eventually get that sinking feeling inside that we can't do anything more for them. We can find ourselves feeling at a loss, what do we do now? No one has the right answer here because we can't control people, not really. Unless they want to be controlled and those folks usually end up living in some controlling type situation somewhere. One thing is certain, we don't stop loving someone close to us that is living a life that is out of control. We offer comfort and support in anyway we can. We talk with them with love and concern. We keep telling them that things can be better for them. We show them the path to take and hope they'll take it. Most of all, for our own sanity and our own happiness, we can't blame ourselves for the way someone we love and care about has chosen to live.

Discover more about Unshakeable Self Confidence Here. Get your free download.

Parents can nurture, teach and love their children. Show them the right path to take. But it will be up to that child, once grown, they become responsible for their character and the way they live. That doesn't mean we should just not care about what happens to those we care about that have problems in their lives. Of course we care, we love this person. When we care deeply about someone who is having problems in their lives, it gives us an opportunity to help that person rebuild how they see things in their lives. Even words of encouragement can shine a light at the end of the tunnel for this person. Letting them know that there is a better way to live. There is hope.

Which brings me to how I interpret the parable above. Its important to understand that sometimes in our lives we need to turn and walk away from the lives we may be living. That which is causing us to be miserable. Some of the people in our lives that are dragging us down, influencing negative outcomes or surpressing our healthy attitudes are what I call, toxic people. We may even like these people, but they are contributing to how our lives are panning out and why our lives seem like they are going no where. Our circumstance of how we are living is also a factor as to why our lives seem hopeless, like its going no where fast. Same s**t different day kind of attitude towards living. This will also make us feel like our lives are just useless. But it isn't. Sometimes we just can't see clear or beyond it. It can be like we're falling into a black hole and see no way out. But there is. How?

By change. Change from focusing on the bad things in our lives and focus on the "what if" scenario. The possibilities instead of the obstacles. By that I mean, start thinking about 'what if' I try to feel better about myself, 'what if' I change my job for something more appealing to me, 'what if' I stop drugging or drinking, 'what if' I begin to want to be alive, 'what if' I leave this lifestyle that I've grown accustom to and change it, obviously its not making me happy. 'What if' I start trying to improve myself. As you begin to focus on the "what if" scenario you'll come to a point where you'll ask yourself, "well do I really want to change?" This is where you will face your demons. Now you have to choose, you are at a crossroads. If I were you, I would start to focus on the things you want out of life not the things you don't want. You are responsible for your life. Make it count. Getting involved with people that help to build you up not tear you down. People that are focused on building a better life can be a wonderful influence.  

 Most importantly, learn to forgive. Forgiveness will put out the flame of guilt, anger and animosity. You can start with forgiving yourself. Sometimes we carry within ourselves, things that we're not proud we did, or things that we've done that hurt others. This can weigh heavily on our hearts. You can make ammends with some but you have to let it go and forgive yourself. Then forgive those who have done you wrong. This can be most uplifting for us. Emotionally and spiritually. Its like purging your system of something that was making you ill. This can be, in no doubt the point of never returning to your old ways of thinking and living. Because once you've forgiven these things, you have opened the door to caring for and loving yourself. It's alright..you can love yourself now.  

Everyone eventually learns that life is way too short. I'm still trying to get my brain around how fast it continues to be. And the older we get, the faster it goes. So what do we do when we know we only get so much time to do things? We do as much as we can that will be of benefit for our lives, right? So doesn't it make sense to use what time we have to be as happy and productive as each of us can be? Of course. So we must strive to be happy inspite of all the bs in the world and in our lives. We'll be a better person for it too. But mostly we'll be a happy person and we'll be able to share that happiness with others. I don't know about you all, but I love making others happy because it does make me happy. So sharing the wisdom from life experience, positive advice or words of encouragement, for me, makes me happy to know it just may help someone out there.

And lastly, do you remember when you were younger, and you played games? You would get all excited inside about that one move you were going to make that you knew would allow you to win the game? That was a great feeling. But then sometimes you couldn't win or you moved to the wrong spot and lost. Then you felt kind of bad. But you didn't give up. Because you knew you would have another turn to try again or you knew you would play that game again. And you'd say .."awww, I lost, but I'll win next time!" Well the same principle still applies when we've grown up. We try things out in our lives and some times we don't make it. We may grieve some when we've failed. But remember success is not final and failure is not fatal, its having the courage to carry on that matters. So you try again, something else, it just might be the right thing for you. Think of all you can learn by looking at life this way. Think of all the things you can teach others. Learn to get excited about your life. Life is full of twists and turns. Living it in the haze of an addiction or just giving up on life is cheating yourself out of truly being happy. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy the day.

The person you are is the very Essence of your Being. This Being might be called your soul, your higher self, or your authentic self. The label isn't important, just the acknowledgement that you are more than the physical person reading these words right now. Unshakeable Self Confidence
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Written by Sherrie Vitello

Copyright(c)2011.Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

      
       

Parents and The Addict-Child

Parents blame themselves alot of the time when their child has been found out to be using drugs or alcohol. We wonder 'what did we do wrong?'...'didn't we love our child enough?'...'was it the way I lived my life?' Sometimes this can cause a parent so much stress that they begin using just to keep the guilt away.  Of course, that's not the normal reaction, but it does happen. A parent can begin to feel affraid of their own child. But with diligence, honesty, and reaching out for help, a parent can find ways to help their child.

Often when a child is using they isolate themselves, they withdraw from family. From friends who don't use. They begin to lie to their parents. They can even steal from family members, friends, from work, even from strangers. An addict does these things because the greatest fear an addict has is not being able to feed their addiction. Don't get me wrong not all addicts steal, but there is a majority that do things that they would never do when clean and sober. It can become a nightmare for both addict and the parents.

As the addict-child begins sinking into their down fall of addiction, they may overdose themselves, they have seen friends overdose or maybe even die. They begin to justify why they use. The addict-child will convince themselves that they cannot live without their drug of choice. They convince themselves that their addiction makes their lives feel right. But that's just the addiction taking over. The addicts family feels powerless as well. Eventually the addict will lose everything, they could even get arrested, or end up in the hospital. Hitting bottom is the term for this.

What can a parent do?  It's not an easy ride, that's for sure. Once a parent is sure that their child is using, onething a parent can do is NOT become an enabler. Seek help for dealing with addictions that can be utilized and can help a parent cope and deal with this problem. Their are many resources in our communities that can assist in getting your child back on the right track. But be honest about this to yourself, the child, now an addict will probably go kicking and screaming. It may even take several attempts before the addict-child will see the light. But be diligent, don't give up. Their addiction is usually the addict-childs only way of crying out for help.
Note: These resolves can also help adult-addicts get the help they need.

Written by: Sherrie Vitello

Self Healing

Self  Healing begins when we except the fact that what we are doing to ourselves in our lives is not working out the way we would truly want them to. Whatever negative things you are doing to yourself, your body, your spirit has an effect on the other decisions you make in your life. If you're hung up on your past because you have had wrong things happen to you or you carry guilt due to some wrong things you may have done, you need to realize that the only way you can change those negative feelings is to let the things go that you can't make ammends to. You are living in the here and now and that opens up untold possibilities for new growth. 

Our inner self is enticed in new directions when our attention is fully in the present. When our minds are still on last night's argument or tommorrow's board meeting, we wear blinders to the activity at hand. Every single moment has something for us. Maybe a new piece of information, a piece that solves a problem that's been puzzling us. Perhaps a chance to make a new friend, one that will be there in a time of need. Letting go of yesterday frees us. We need not be burdened. It is gone. Our lives could be eased, so much, if we kept our focus on the experience at hand, where the problems we ponder have their solutions. Always. 

Being open to the present is our only chance for growth. These experiences today in our lives beckon us forward along the path meant for us. We are not guaranteed only joy today. But we are promised security. We may not be free of twinges of fear or confusion, but we can learn to trust even in the midst of adversity. We can remember that power greater than ourselves, whenever and wherever our steps are uncertain. Dwelling on our rebuffs, our rejections, invites further criticism. Attention to now and to the person here, now, is the only rightful response to life. Not being here, now, invites others to turn away, just as we have turned away.

   
If we listen to ourselves, to the innermost voice of our spirits, we know that we have the power to heal ourselves. Self-healing begins with making our own decisions about what we wear, what we do, who we are and deciding that we will be true to ourselves. With the help of our spiritual guide or higher power, we can resist the temptations to betray ourselves, for these temptations are born of fear; the fear that we are not good enough to be our "own physicians."  To except things that you cannot change, the power to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. To give away our powers binds us and causes us to suffer. But we can go to others for help without losing our own strength.


Written by Sherrie Vitello
Excerpts taken from the wonderful book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey.

Angel or Devil on my Shoulder...?

Sometimes I really wonder if I had an Angel or a Devil on my shoulders'.  How many of you have felt that way or asked yourselves the same question?  When a person is addicted to drugs or alcohol (or both), it seems like there IS an Angel and  a Devil on there shoulders'.  I think back to my own experiences I went through when I was addicted to drugs and alcohol and the struggle I went through knowing what I was doing to myself, and my loved ones.

Although it's been over 5 years that I've lived a clean and sober life, I sure am glad I had that Angel. At those times of my "downside of life" I can remember doing things that I would have never done on a clean/sober mind.

I cringe when I think of the stupid, senseless, things I did that could have got me in alot of trouble, and I cry when I think of the times I stole money from my loved ones. I can't believe I gave into temptation so easily, I can't believe I did those things.

I know in recovery we're not suppose to think we'll never be that way again......but I have to tell you, it'll be a cold day in hell before I go back to being an addict.  I mean that with all of my heart and strength.  I'm sure some of you out there feel the same way and have had the same type of experiences. Or maybe you're still going through those experiences because you're just not ready to stop the craziness of being an addict.

You might even think you can't exist without your drug of choice or drink of choice.  Well, until you get sick of being sick and tired of your life just not working for you, you'll have that Devil on your shoulder until you change. There will always be a struggle between good and bad.  When you first start out to change your life to a clean/sober life, it's hard, I 'm not going to sugar-coat it, but with support, you can become stronger towards the cravings, you can learn to turn away from the triggers and that Angel...just gets stronger and stronger.

Some folks out there can never turn away from there addictions because they have led that way of life for so long....without professional and medical help, they probably wouldn't last too long on the clean/sober side of life. But even they can change their lives. The power of the mind can be a very formidable component to changing ones life. 

We all know that somethings in life are just too much to bare sometimes and we actually convince ourselves that there is no way out. But to all of you just starting to get clean, remember, you've already taken the first big step in improving your way of life. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep heading in 'THAT' same direction.

You'll see, you'll get to the point where you'll look back on your life and you'll wonder...."wow, was I really like that..?"  Let that be the motivation you need to stay clean and sober.  It does get better. Time does heal. We can become stronger in our convictions to live a clean and sober life, we can be happy.

Enjoy the Day.

To all my visitor's please take into consideration that the Angel and Devil description used in this post is used as a metaphor to describe the struggle of becoming clean and sober.

 

High Expectations.

For those of us who have had to deal with being let-down by our expectations, this article is for you. I'm positive that we have all been let-down at onetime or another because we didn't get what we expected.  As we have come to stop abusing ourselves with drugs and alcohol, we sometimes expect our lives to become this magical, wonderful place to be, right away. It's like trying to win the Indy500 with a racecar that has fouled sparkplugs. We have to remember, for all the time we spent using, we also closed off alot of the things that could have made our lives better.  Sometimes we probably didn't even realize just how messed up our lives became while abusing ourselves. 

Although some of us were functioning addicts...we believed we were doing just fine when we had our drugs or had our drinks.  Until the next time we ran out of our drugs, or didn't have our drinks.  We had gotten so clouded by our addiction that we lost the true perception of the world around us.  We don't really realize that until we're clean and sober just how clouded we truly were.  We have to remember that it took us time to get that way and it's going to take some time to get back on the right path and begin to see our lives in a more positive light.  But it does happen. 

The best way to get through this, without relapsing, is talking about it to others and learning that it's not just you that has had this problem.  You can also read up on how to motivate yourself.  I believe that if we surround ourselves with positive outllooks and attitudes that we will attract the positive things in the universe. Plus we must also learn that negative things do happen at times, and we must learn to cope and deal with the negative things using a positive resolve.  It's like having the attitude that we are not going to let any negative things turn us back into those addicts we once were. 

So don't be affraid to make goals and stick to them in order to improve your life.  Sure you may have some set-backs, but that doesn't mean you have to regress back to your addictive ways.  Realize it's going to take some time for you to re-establish relationships, of any kind, that you may have damaged during your addictive times.  Know that this can be accomplished by the actions we take now once you've made the decision to break away from your addictions.  Like I tell my daughters even to this day, "Believe in yourself, do your best, and you'll be alright."  I find that to be so very true.  Until next time, enjoy the day. 

  

Trying to Control Things can Make Things Worse....

Most of us have struggled, willfully, with untold numbers of addictions, liquor, uppers, downers, sugar, chocolate, cigarettes, the opposite sex. The more we become determined to control our use or to abstain, the greater the compulsion felt for one drink, one bite, one puff. Giving in completely was the turning point.
Recovery helps each of us find relief from our primary addiction once we humble ourselves, accept our powerlessness, and ask for help. It can help us equally effectively, every day, with any problem we are willfully trying to control. Is a family member causing grief? Is a coworker creating anxiety? Has a close friend pulled away? We expend so much energy trying to manage outcomes! 

In most cases, our attempt to control will invite even more resistance. Recovery offers the way out of any frustrating situation. We can be mindful of our powerlessness and cherish the opportunities offered by our higher power. We can turn over whatever our problem is to God and quietly, trustingly, anticipate the resolution. It's guaranteed. Have faith in yourself, believe in the power of prayer. We're not only talking to God when we pray, we are talking to ourselves.

If you were to look into a mirror at yourself and say, "I feel good about myself today"...chances are you'll feel good throughout the day. You'll have the same effect negatively if you were to say something negative about yourself.  One good rule of thumb I did when I was changing my outlook about myself is, I would make sure that everyday I would say something nice to someone. Not only did it help that person feel good, it made me feel good as well. Try being more positive about yourself. You're on a journey here and you want it to turn out well.  Enjoy the day.
My writings here have been combined with Karen Casey's Book: Each Day a New Beginning.

Being Grateful.....

Another wonderful day everyone...I hope you all are feeling well. Remember...If you hate your job, imagine yourself without it, if you hate your life, imagine the sadness of never seeing the abundance of beauty there is in the world, if you hate yourself, imagine what you're missing by not allowing yourself to truly laugh or seeing the love in someone's eyes or the smile of a child or the softness of a puppy.

                                                      
You get the picture....so be happy, Dammit!!! LOL! 
Enjoy the weekend everyone...and remember a good time doesn't have to be in a bottle.

The One Thing.....

Something that I learned about making changes for the better was, I had to gain a positive attitude about my life and about myself. Believe me it wasn't as easy as it sounds. I felt as though I had the weight of the world on my shoulders...and in a way I did.  I was a single parent for a long time and I had to be the one that paid the bills and brought home the food.  I know that was the reason I never actually went off the deep end.
You'd think that would have been enough to stop myself, but it wasn't.
Even though I still had an addiction, of one kind or another,  I was able to function and keep up on the bills.

Of course I can't take all the credit here...with the help I received from human resources a couple of times and my family off and on, although it was still a struggle, I was able to get over some of those huge humps, and for that I was grateful.                     

But that didn't stop me from abusing myself every now and then. Back then I could handle it, so I thought. I was blinded by my indulgences that I didn't realize that the road I was headed down would only end in disaster if I didn't stop. So what could I do to change the way I saw myself into someone who loved oneself enough so that I could live a clean life?  As I've gotten wiser, I've realized that a person has to have something in their lives that matters.  Now don't get me wrong here...my daughters' mean the world to me and I believe they were my strength. But what I'm talking about by having something that matters is having something that appeals to my inner source or attitude.

For some folks it's religion, or a spiritual event, a love for something outside of your normal life.  All the good things that we have are great!...but we all need something that makes each one of us feel content, competent, whole and grateful. I believe that that can be as different to each of us as we are individual. So the 'one thing' then is for all of us who turn towards artificial stimuli, and over do it, and become addicted to it, need to seek out what it is in ourselves that makes us feel whole. Stop the insanity!!(thank you Susan Powder) Drop the baggage that weigh's us all down and weakens our spirit. We've all had some bad things happen to us along the way. Sadly some never come out of it, but when you have the right information and we learn to let go of the things that weigh us down, we can emerge into a better life, be clean and be happy.  Although we some

times feels as though we have no control....the 'one thing' is....up to you.
[Written by Sherrie Vitello]