"I look inside myself to find my peace"


Procrastination – Are we hard wired or is it by choice?

This character trait effects anyone. But are we hard wired or is it by choice? It is believed there are different levels of procrastination, some are more severe than others. Throughout our lives, we will come across circumstances where we have to complete a task, or finish something, we started. Sometimes we tend to put that off because we would rather be doing something more enjoyable. If whatever it is we're procrastinating about is something we find difficult or unpleasant to do, we tend to put it off for as long as we can. Not everyone is like that. There are some people that understand that they have to get done what has to be done, no matter what it is. Loose ends are not a part of their character makeup. Source: Widipedia (The Free Encyclopedia) states: In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of lower priority, or doing something from which one derives enjoyment, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time.

Some view procrastination as a form of laziness and they do seem to share similar characteristics such as unwillingness to act or lack of strong motivation. Perhaps it could stem from childhood upbringing, where a child is never taught the gratification of completing a task. It could be something that has to be done, that we may fear or be overwhelmed by. There are some people that enjoy the rush of chaos, and they wait until the last minute to get something done that has to be done right away. With the anticipation and urgency of having to take care of something that must be done. These kind of procrastinators enjoy the rush of adrenaline that one gets when in a hurry or when rushed to do something. Then there are people that think by not making a decision to complete a task absolves them from the responsibility of it. Which of course is not a good way of looking at completing things that must be done. It's kind of like having something floating around in your mind that you know must be taken care of, it must be removed from the to-do-list. Yet we let it just float around in there as we go about our day.

This could be the worst procrastination of all. When we have loose ends or leave things undone. For most people, it tends to weigh on their minds. This can cause us to be distracted and unfocused towards other tasks that may be more important or we must take care of, such as, our work, paying a bill or an immediate project. Of course, as busy as we all are during our days sometimes we have to put off until later things that should be done. So long as we get to it as soon as possible, we usually can take care of it and put it behind us and get it out of our mental folder. Have you ever noticed how relieved you feel after you've done a task that you have been procrastinating about completing? It seems like such a relief. You no longer have it in your mind and you're not distracted by remembering you have to take care of it because it's been done. I'm sure we all can remember times where we've said "Oh, shoot, I should've taken care that!"

Procrastination seems to be the type of character trait that will only cause us grief if we don't learn to overcome it or its not taken out of in our daily equation. It just seems to take up space in our minds or mental folders and that space could be taken up by much more happier, pleasurable memories or more productive things. Don't you think? When making a conscious decision to take care of something, it is by our sheer will that allows us to follow through and complete the task. You may find it better to do the tasks you dislike the most, or is most important, by completing it first. This will make the other less imperative tasks seem alot more appealing. So what's the difference between procrastinating and being lazy? Research shows that the actual act of procrastinating means putting off, suspending or delaying an action or task until a later time. Whereas laziness is refusing to act or inactivity resulting from a dislike of the activity or work. So even though procrastination and laziness are similar, they do have significant differences. So don't think just because someone procrastinates that they are lazy, there is a difference. What can you do about procrastination? You have to meet it face-to-face, one-on-one. Allowing it to linger will only make it worse for yourself in the long run.

If you have the time in the day to take care of something, which you have been procrastinating about, then take care of it, get it done, get it behind you, be done with it. It's a matter of choice. Sometimes what we are procrastinating about we may find that it didn't even take that much time to do and may not even be that hard. When you're finished with the task, you'll realize, that wasn't that bad after all. That is what life is, we have free will to decide and choose how we live our lives. Although our basic characteristics and personalities are formed as children by our parents, siblings and friends. As we grow into an adult, we form our own points of view, our own ways of handling things and we are responsible for our actions in our own lives. It is truly up to our individual selves how we will handle procrastination in our lives. But first you have to acknowledge that you do procrastinate. Like any bad habit or addiction, we have to acknowledge that it exists. After that first step is taken, we can then move on to improving that area of our lives, which is procrastination. Write this rule down and repeat it every time you think you are procrastinating about something. "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can achieve today." You will be less stressed, happier and a more content person in doing so. Thanks for reading. Enjoy the day.

 Copyright(c)2013.Procrastination – Are we hard wired or is it by choice? Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.


Self Pity (The Emotional Parasite)


*Self-pity is a parasite that feeds on itself. Many of us are inclined towards self-pity, not allowing for the balance of life's natural tragedies. We will face good and bad times--and they will pass. With certainty they will pass. The attitude "Why me?" hints at the little compassion we generally feel for others' suffering. Our empathy with others' even our awareness of their suffering, is generally minimal. We are much too involved in our own. Were we less self-centered, we'd see that blessings and tragedies visit us all in equal amounts.  Some people respond to their blessings with equanimity, and they quietly remove the sting from their tragedies. We can learn to do both. Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways. 
We need not get caught by self-pity. We can always feel it coming on. And we can always let it go. Self-pity may beckon today, fortunately, we can learn that we have other choices.
(*The above paragraph, excerpt was taken from the wonderful book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey.)
"Why does this happen to me? Nothing ever goes right!"
We all have at some point in our lives had this emotion of "self pity." It is emotionally draining. Like a parasite feeding on our emotions. Its a human or natural emotion brought on by sadness, things not working out the way we'd like them to, self doubt and even by other people. Even though we all have the ability to swing down into self pity, we shouldn't. Self pity can cause a clean/sober person to fall back into their addiction. It can also cause a person whom never had an addiction to start one. Its a "negative emotion."  But it doesn't have to lead to a negative outcome for us.  Don't confuse Self-pity with Grief. Grief is feelings that accompany any kind of loss. Feelings of loss and to mourn the loss. Unlike Self Pity which is feelings of shame or guilt that is a result of deeper, more painful feelings that seem impossible for a person to reveal, even blocking or surpressing any chance of a positive outcome.  
Sometimes when we try to listen and then help someone, by showing them that they're allowing self pity to get the better of them, can cause them to become angry. This is due to shame, guilt or hiding of hurtful unexpressed feelings. Emotional pain that leads us to block the helpful or positive feelings that can help us to feel better.  Self pity can cause us to hide the feelings that we feel are shameful. Its also an addictive emotion, at times giving us a sense of pleasure, hiding us from reality.  As human beings, we have free will, which allows us to make choices in our lives. Remember its us, ourselves that can direct our own thinking and thought patterns.  The worse thing you can do to yourself is allow others to direct how you feel. That can be extremely destructive emotionally for anyone.
Learning how not to allow self pity to take control everytime things seem difficult or insurmountable will be key to developing a sense of a positive outlook, understanding and confidence.  Being a good listener to those who are in the self pity state of mind is very helpful. Respecting the self pity sufferer's privacy is paramount.  In other words keep it private, don't go telling everyone. Once that person has purged or expressed their deep emotional pain to you, then you can begin to help them heal by suggesting a positive resolve to their emotional dilemma.  At all costs don't become so emotionally involved that you could fall into shame or self pity youself due to what you may hear your suffering friend tell you. Have empathy, be realistic and find the positive side to whatever the solution could be. Help and encourage your friend or loved one to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In doing this you can help the self pity sufferer onto the road of healing and recovering and you'll feel gratified that you were able to help. You'd be suprised at the healthy results of a good listener and positive input. Hug each other and go about your day.
Copyright(c)2013. Self Pity(The Emotional Parasite)Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.


Advertising verses Inner Beauty? How it effects our self-image.

   ("Do I look as good as that woman in that commercial?")
One of the biggest struggles facing young people today, is self-image. Everywhere you look, on TV, on billboards, in magazines, videos, movies, 90% of the time it's all beautiful perfect people. Advertising verses inner beauty and self-image all of the time. This suffocating display of everyone being perfect or beautiful, can be very difficult for young people. Especially during junior high and high school years for both boys and girls. Girls worry about being popular, being pretty enough, having the nice clothes, having the prettiest accessories. Whereas boys, although not shown as much, they have to be worried about being cool, hanging with the coolest guys, and when old enough having the coolest car. It just seems to be all material things and outer image. Of course in reality, eventually, this is not the way it is. Somewhere long ago, someone decided that being the perfect, sexiest, handsomest, prettiest, skinniest, finest looking human being, is the best way to sell things, and it's worked, quite well, all this time. How many times have we thought about buying a product and thinking to ourselves that we will get the same results as what we saw in that advertising? You know you did that too..LOL!

Some advertising has used average people, older folks, mothers with their children, dads with their kids and pets, in an attempt to make the people watching, believe that this advertiser is just like them. The "average folk." That advertising technique works too in a lot of cases. But all in all, these advertising's and commercials are really after one thing, and that is to get the public to buy their product. Some advertising is very funny or have a catchy tune. Those are the ones people seem to remember the most. You can believe these advertisers who create these commercials know this. But just what are these advertisers saying to people that are subjected to the falsity that in order to get the same results or work as well, you have to look as good as those models do on television, have the same great looking car, or beautiful clothes. Sure..everyone wants to look great, but at what price and stress-level does it cost our young people in today's materialistic society? Everyday people are getting ready for work, school, going out and visiting with friends, just being in the public eye. They change outfits, change shoes, put on makeup, spray cologne or perfume and primp, guys do this too, just not as extravagant, to make themselves look as good as possible, all in the effort of being attractive or sexy.

I'm not saying we should all walk around smelly, dirty and grungy looking. Eeeeww! Although for some people that seems to be their way. I just think that in our country, and in many societies, we put way too much emphasis on the outer beauty of things instead of looking inside where beauty is found, is made and lives. There's nothing wrong with having nice things. Things that we've worked for, bought with our hard earned money, built up from nothing. Things that we enjoy, and things that make our lives filled more with gratitude, than vanity. I just think that young people are faced with more materialistic stress then necessary and it's greatly due to the falsehood of advertising and commercials that our children are subjected to on a daily basis. We probably will never get rid of this type of advertising either. So what can we do or how can we help our children? It's up to the parents to teach their children not to be so vain or gullible about what they see advertised. For some young people, they will have to learn this lesson on their own because their own parents are very materialistic. Which makes it even harder for them to learn this life lesson. When we teach our children to believe in themselves, teach them to have good character, to know that they are just as good as anyone else, but not better than everyone else, to be humble, it makes it easier for that child to grow up with a sense of assurance and belief in themselves. Without having to adorn an overpriced, unrealistic result of a product they saw advertised.

Young people that are raised with self-assurance tend to stay in focus as to who they are as an individual all through their lives. Even when people are trying to "find themselves," having been taught self-assurance, will usually lead that person back to their right path. Instead of falling by the wayside trying to keep up with all the falseness in advertising, that they believe may be true. But sad to say, there will be those who will not learn this life lesson. What you will find when people do not learn this life lesson is they become very vain, materialistic and self absorbed. They worry about every little sign that may cause them imperfection. They may even become bitter or angry about the fact that they are no longer able to look like all that false advertising that they grew up believing was true. So the lesson here is, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look good so long as it is not done out of self-serving vanity or being conceited. Being happy and self accepting has always given us an outward glow of beauty, whether we have the most current fashion line or not. Realizing that beauty comes from within, believing in our own abilities and character that is what will shine through from the inside out. That will give us the true beauty within ourselves instead of what we find in all that surface falsehood. That is "true beauty." Food for thought. :)


Copyright(c)2013. Advertising verses Inner-Beauty? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.