Our Brains - Friend, Foe or Both?

Let me ask you a question. How often do we tell ourselves things aren't always what we think they are? In other words, there are times when our own brains just think about things so out of context that we have to tell it to be quiet. Although our brains are great at analytical things and things that require deduction or finding answers, where do we draw the line between when we should listen to our brains and when we should tell it to shut up? Here's what I mean by that. Have you ever thought about something that you may not feel too sure about and your brain starts running through a scenario of outcomes? Sometimes these outcomes are so ridiculous, maybe even frightening, that you close your eyes for a few seconds in an effort to stop thinking about it? Or the brain could be thinking of positive outcomes but you don't buy into them completely because things could turn out completely opposite of what you thought? This is what I've come to know as thought pattern displacement. I was told by someone a long time ago NOT to listen to my brain. At that time, I didn't understand, or maybe didn't want to understand what that meant. But as time has gone on and I've gained wisdom, patience and my thinking has grown wiser, I do understand that very well. And its very true too. 

Think of it this way. Within each of us we have 4 raw forms of how we think, come to decisions, decipher and choose our outcomes for our lives. They are our brains, our hearts, our gut feelings and our spiritual beliefs be them through religion or spirituality. These 4 forms make up who we are, how we make decisions and how we live our lives. What I've come to find is our brains are not always our friend. Our brains, besides being a brilliant thinking mass, has the capacity to destroy our self confidence or build our self image with just thoughts. It can even create the outcome of our lives. How we think and what we think are the components of what we make happen in our daily lives. That saying "..our thoughts create our lives.." is more true than we know. When someone says something negative about you. You are the key factor as to how you will allow this negative comment to effect your entire day, effect how you feel and even the outcome of how you see yourself. Unless you are an unfeeling narcissist, you most likely will feel some kind of feelings about what has been said. We could just let go of it, which is probably the best way to handle it. But for some thats not so easy to do. We certainly can't allow others to direct how we should feel. But most importantly we can't allow our brains to fall into the depths of imagination of self doubt, uncertainty or feelings of inadequacy because of it.

Some of the best ways we can help ourselves is by reminding ourselves of all of our inner strengths. The experiences we've gotten through in our lives, our achievements-no matter how small they all count. When the brain starts to think in negative ways, for every negative thought about yourself think of an opposite positive one. It may help you to write it down. Even though this may be difficult to accomplish at times, the more you do that the better you get at it. When things aren't going right for you, take a moment to ask yourself; "what is the lesson I should be learning here?" This is a way we can self examine ourselves and even gain strength within and change the way our brains can think. Now grant it, there will be times when you can't help how you feel. Unkind and hard times can stir up negative patterns, its just the way life is. But its how we handle those moments and how we think about them that makes all the difference in how it affects us and how we will feel. Our thoughts create our lives. We are affected by others only when we allow negative people and unhappy circumstances to affect our thoughts about ourselves. If you're a person that feels like the thoughts your brain creates are making you feel unhappy, its time to re-evaluate your thinking and begin to think differently. Don't become hostage of self sabotaging thoughts that hold you back from discovering what you are capable of achieving and who you truly are. Believe in yourself.


            Copyright(c)2015-2019. Our Brains - Friend, Foe or Both? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Peace and Procrastination - A Matter Of Our Thoughts

"The way to be at peace is to discover how to be happy in any situation"

 

Finding a way to be happy in any situation or event in our lives is key to having peace in our lives. The way to be at peace is to discover how to be happy in any situation we find ourselves in. Not constantly trying to change everything and everyone to make it match your idea of perfect. You may think that would make you happy but that never works.  Because life is not perfect and you are setting yourself up to be disappointed which leads to not feeling at peace with yourself. 

 

Its our own thoughts that make or break our being at peace in our lives.  Because no matter how perfect we believe everything is you will still have all of your own thoughts.  So its changing how we think about the situation or events in our lives that will decide how at peace we truly can be.  If you always procrastinate about doing something that needs to be done and you keep putting it off, think about what thoughts are going through your mind about doing what needs to get done at that moment. 

 

Are you thinking about how you dislike having to do what needs to be done?  Are you telling yourself you don't want to do what needs to be done?  And to make yourself feel better, or at least you think it does, you distract yourself by doing something you like to do instead?  It could be watching a movie, eating, playing video games, going on the internet, shopping, going to a park or meeting up with friends. 

You tell yourself you will do it another time and believing that you are in control of your life you go for that power thought?  STOP! Right there those thoughts you are having is the reason why you procrastinate which leads to not feeling really at peace with yourself.  You think yourself right out of doing what is in need of being done.

 

Not to say that other activities are bad things, but when we put off what needs to be done and go for these other options which are actually distractions, we end up not doing what needs to be done and we place it on the back burner of our minds.  We put it off to be looked at later on.  So what happened here?  You know you had something to do and you may not really have wanted to do it even though it has to be done.  You thought to yourself that you could do it later and so you opted in for another activity instead.  But you always come back to knowing that you still need to do what needs to be done.  

 

This thought resurfaces itself and floats around in or minds even if for a few quick seconds it begins to weigh on our minds.  Its what I call a loose-end.  Loose-ends form together and become a mental ball and chain which in turn keep resurfacing because our brains keep reminding us of the things we need to do and this makes us uneasy, unfulfilled and not at peace within ourselves.  Once you start catching yourself thinking negatively about what needs to be done stop yourself and flip it to a positive thought instead. i.e. "..once I get this done I'll feel like I have accomplished something and it will make me happy and proud of myself.."  or you may think "..once I have finished what needs to be done I can do something that I really enjoy doing.." 

 

Once you start nurturing your thought process into thinking more positively about your life and all of the things in it, you will see that things are not as difficult as they seem and you will feel more free minded and at peace with your thoughts and your life.  Remember its key to notice what you are thinking and how you think about things that will make all the difference in how at peace or how much turmoil you create in your life.  Its your choice, plain and simple.  Enjoy the day.    

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright(c)2016. Peace and Procrastination - A Matter Of Our Thoughts.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All rights reserved.

 



 

Keep To Your Vision.

 "Human Beings, by changing their inner attitudes of their minds can change the outer aspects of their lives." - William James

Some call it visioning, others call it dreaming, reframing, visualization, positive thinking or cognitive therapy.
And still others just do it and don't call it anything. Its the art of deliberately picturing something that we desire - behavior, goal or outcome-
so that its more likely to come about. Thinking alone isn't going to make something happen, of course.
But once we have a vision, we can begin to act in ways that will make the vision become real.

Ask yourself: "I have a picture of how I want my life to go. What do I need to do to make it happen?"

 (Excerpt taken from: The Daily Book of Positive Quotations, by Linda Picone)

 

Procrastination – Are we hard wired or is it by choice?

This character trait effects anyone. But are we hard wired or is it by choice? It is believed there are different levels of procrastination, some are more severe than others. Throughout our lives, we will come across circumstances where we have to complete a task, or finish something, we started. Sometimes we tend to put that off because we would rather be doing something more enjoyable. If whatever it is we're procrastinating about is something we find difficult or unpleasant to do, we tend to put it off for as long as we can. Not everyone is like that. There are some people that understand that they have to get done what has to be done, no matter what it is. Loose ends are not a part of their character makeup. Source: Widipedia (The Free Encyclopedia) states: In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of lower priority, or doing something from which one derives enjoyment, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time.

Some view procrastination as a form of laziness and they do seem to share similar characteristics such as unwillingness to act or lack of strong motivation. Perhaps it could stem from childhood upbringing, where a child is never taught the gratification of completing a task. It could be something that has to be done, that we may fear or be overwhelmed by. There are some people that enjoy the rush of chaos, and they wait until the last minute to get something done that has to be done right away. With the anticipation and urgency of having to take care of something that must be done. These kind of procrastinators enjoy the rush of adrenaline that one gets when in a hurry or when rushed to do something. Then there are people that think by not making a decision to complete a task absolves them from the responsibility of it. Which of course is not a good way of looking at completing things that must be done. It's kind of like having something floating around in your mind that you know must be taken care of, it must be removed from the to-do-list. Yet we let it just float around in there as we go about our day.

This could be the worst procrastination of all. When we have loose ends or leave things undone. For most people, it tends to weigh on their minds. This can cause us to be distracted and unfocused towards other tasks that may be more important or we must take care of, such as, our work, paying a bill or an immediate project. Of course, as busy as we all are during our days sometimes we have to put off until later things that should be done. So long as we get to it as soon as possible, we usually can take care of it and put it behind us and get it out of our mental folder. Have you ever noticed how relieved you feel after you've done a task that you have been procrastinating about completing? It seems like such a relief. You no longer have it in your mind and you're not distracted by remembering you have to take care of it because it's been done. I'm sure we all can remember times where we've said "Oh, shoot, I should've taken care that!"

Procrastination seems to be the type of character trait that will only cause us grief if we don't learn to overcome it or its not taken out of in our daily equation. It just seems to take up space in our minds or mental folders and that space could be taken up by much more happier, pleasurable memories or more productive things. Don't you think? When making a conscious decision to take care of something, it is by our sheer will that allows us to follow through and complete the task. You may find it better to do the tasks you dislike the most, or is most important, by completing it first. This will make the other less imperative tasks seem alot more appealing. So what's the difference between procrastinating and being lazy? Research shows that the actual act of procrastinating means putting off, suspending or delaying an action or task until a later time. Whereas laziness is refusing to act or inactivity resulting from a dislike of the activity or work. So even though procrastination and laziness are similar, they do have significant differences. So don't think just because someone procrastinates that they are lazy, there is a difference. What can you do about procrastination? You have to meet it face-to-face, one-on-one. Allowing it to linger will only make it worse for yourself in the long run.

If you have the time in the day to take care of something, which you have been procrastinating about, then take care of it, get it done, get it behind you, be done with it. It's a matter of choice. Sometimes what we are procrastinating about we may find that it didn't even take that much time to do and may not even be that hard. When you're finished with the task, you'll realize, that wasn't that bad after all. That is what life is, we have free will to decide and choose how we live our lives. Although our basic characteristics and personalities are formed as children by our parents, siblings and friends. As we grow into an adult, we form our own points of view, our own ways of handling things and we are responsible for our actions in our own lives. It is truly up to our individual selves how we will handle procrastination in our lives. But first you have to acknowledge that you do procrastinate. Like any bad habit or addiction, we have to acknowledge that it exists. After that first step is taken, we can then move on to improving that area of our lives, which is procrastination. Write this rule down and repeat it every time you think you are procrastinating about something. "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can achieve today." You will be less stressed, happier and a more content person in doing so. Thanks for reading. Enjoy the day.

 Copyright(c)2013.Procrastination – Are we hard wired or is it by choice? Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

The Choice Is Yours.

We all know that planning ahead is always a good idea. Although sometimes in our lives things just pop-up unexpectedly.  What I'm talking about is your future. When I was growing up no one ever discussed with me the ideals of having a successful career, or going on to college.  I wished they did.  As I grew older and more independent I remember thinking how great it's going to be to have my own car, party with friends, my own place to live, my independence, no one telling me what to do, earning my own money. 

Although I did acquire all those things...I forgot about having to pays bills, the stress of getting up and going to work, sexual pressures, making sure I had enough money for food. But mostly...how was I going to take care of my 3 beautiful little girls?  Sure I did the marriage thing, had children, got divorced.  Then it was up to me to make it through each day, this time with my 3 baby girls. What was I going to do?  I've pretty much learned early in life that it's better to count on yourself then other people. Of course sometimes your family or close friends can be a life saver. 

I was determined to be able to take care of my girls. At that time...that bottle of wine was getting better looking everyday. Since I married young and began a family young(like alot of folks), all that thinking of being on my own, having my own place to live, supporting my own life, was now a distant memory. Now I had to think about surviving the bills, supplying food and meeting the needs of 3 daughters. Yup...I was in control. (Not!!) The point I'm making here is things in life can happen unexpectedly or planned. It's really up to what choices we make in our lives. 

If we decide to marry young, we can put off creating a family and continue with careers, schooling etc.  We can continue getting our lives together so our futures won't be an unexpected happening.  Or stay single and do the same thing. Again...choice is always up to us.  So what are you going to do?  You can only use drugs and alcohol so long before it catches up to you. By way of physical destruction, emotional hangovers, break downs, or death.  Or you can choose a better way. Plan for a better future. You, as individuals, are worth pursuing a better way of life. 

This is one thing about the American Way, I love. We have a choice to end up on the streets or living in a decent place. Once we realize that using drugs and drinking alcohol is a road to destruction, we can begin to heal ourselves by breaking the habit. But again...it's your choice.  I know 'the addicts thinking' will say: "...it's because of that, or this person that I'm like this..."  WRONG!  We each made the choice to take that drink and to do those drugs ...remember?!...and now you're so screwed up that you can't even reason clearly
as to how you got this way. Now it's your choice to get yourself out of this hell you're living or stay that way and end up where you really don't want to be.  It's a difficult process...it's not easy, I'm not going to bullshit you.  But you MUST remember...you are worth having a good life and being happy. Yes, you can be happy. Once you get your head out of the clouds and come to alittle clarity, you'll begin to see that there is a better way of living. So it's up to each of us, individually, to make our choices for our lives. I hope that all of us can make a positive choice, a good choice for all concerned. 

We weren't put on this earth to exist in the haze of addiction.  We can have control over our lives, if we just stick to being good to ourselves and caring about how we live. Put out the effort to create a better life. It will happen. The choice is yours.

Written by: Sherrie Vitello,  Enjoy the day.

Reflections for the New Year.

Well it's the New Year, 2011.  We all have to get use to writing the correct year now....like every new year.  So looking back on 2010, how was it for you?  Do you think it was a good year?  Did you accomplish things you've planned to do?  Were you able to achieve all of last years new years resolutions?  Well if you're like me, you accomplished some but not all of them.  But don't fret...there's always this new year.

We have to let go of the negative things or events that took place last year. Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now.  If there are things that helped us to make changes for the better, then carry them over into the new year. If there are things that we can improve on even better, then let's try to do that this year.  Make up your mind to be a better person.  To improve on things that were good last year but always have room for improvement. Whatever you feel can help you to exist in a positive light about yourself, your life, your situation, just do it!

Each day a new beginning.

This next excerpt is taken from the wonderful book: Each Day A New Beginning, by Karen Casey.  Acceptance of our past, acceptance of the conditions presently in our lives that we cannot change, brings relief. It brings the peacefulness we so often, so frantically seek.  We can put the past behind us. Each day a new beginning.  And each day of abstinence offers us the chance to look ahead with hope.

A power greater than ourselves helped us to find this program. That power is ever with us. When we fear facing new situations, or when familiar situations turn sour, we can look to that power for help in saying what needs to be said and for doing what needs to be done. Our higher power is as close as our breath. Conscious awareness of it's presence strengthens us, moment by moment.

Enjoy your new year to come, enjoy your life, enjoy your day.
Written by Sherrie Vitello

Achieve A State Of Happiness.

This is one subject that we all think about once in awhile, and I have found that altho' difficult, we can achieve a state of happiness so long as we direct our thinking to that state of mind.  Sometimes I'll watch these talk shows that are targeted towards helping people with concerns of being overweight, being self critical, not knowing how to solve their problems, feelings of depression etc. and the one thing I find about these people with these problems is that they don't seem to know that it's their own thoughts, their own ways of seeing themselves, their own ways of focusing on more negative thoughts than positive thoughts that make them feel so helpless or inadequate. 

Let's face it....when you wake up in the morning and the first thought on your mind is, "Oh no...another day..." that's a hum-drum negative response to greeting the new day. Whereas if you were to greet the new day with a positive note, like, "It's going to be a good day..." you would probably feel alot better about starting the day. It's all a matter of what you tell yourself...how you're going to feel everyday. 

You can wake up every morning and say to yourself..."I'm going to have a good day today" or you can say to yourself, "I'm going to feel bad today". It's really up to what we say to ourselves.

I call that "Self Talk".  Some people ask "What can I do to achieve a state of happiness?"  For one, they can start writing a daily journal, take the time to write how you feel about the people in your life, your family, your job, your hobby, what made you happy today, what made you mad. Do this for about 2 to 3 months, faithfully, then read over what you've written, and take note of the things that made you feel negative, sad or angry and you'd like to change. There's your list to start making positive changes to.  Start with one thing at a time, take small steps and remember you have to walk before you can run.

So don't be too hard on yourself, you're not going to fix everything in one day, one week or even one month, it's going to take time to change the pattern of your thinking, but it can be done. Start trying to radiate an outward feeling of happiness. Feelings that are positive and happy will show outwardly and can create happiness around you and others. Divert negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Develop a positive outlook towards yourself. If you're unhappy because you're overweight, or your life isn't unfolding the way you'd like it to, start to make positive changes to those undesirable feelings and make it a goal to change to positive results. 

Remember, it's how you "Self Talk" to yourself that will set the course of your thoughts which will make the pattern of the way you think, change for the better. Which will help you achieve a state of happiness. It will take some effort on your part, but don't give up, don't fall into the pattern of being emotionally lazy, keep working toward a better outlook. See yourself as a positive effect on your surroundings and you will acheive your desired state of mind.
"As a man thinketh...so is he". Enjoy the day!

Wriiten by Sherrie Vitello

Angel or Devil on my Shoulder...?

Sometimes I really wonder if I had an Angel or a Devil on my shoulders'.  How many of you have felt that way or asked yourselves the same question?  When a person is addicted to drugs or alcohol (or both), it seems like there IS an Angel and  a Devil on there shoulders'.  I think back to my own experiences I went through when I was addicted to drugs and alcohol and the struggle I went through knowing what I was doing to myself, and my loved ones.

Although it's been over 5 years that I've lived a clean and sober life, I sure am glad I had that Angel. At those times of my "downside of life" I can remember doing things that I would have never done on a clean/sober mind.

I cringe when I think of the stupid, senseless, things I did that could have got me in alot of trouble, and I cry when I think of the times I stole money from my loved ones. I can't believe I gave into temptation so easily, I can't believe I did those things.

I know in recovery we're not suppose to think we'll never be that way again......but I have to tell you, it'll be a cold day in hell before I go back to being an addict.  I mean that with all of my heart and strength.  I'm sure some of you out there feel the same way and have had the same type of experiences. Or maybe you're still going through those experiences because you're just not ready to stop the craziness of being an addict.

You might even think you can't exist without your drug of choice or drink of choice.  Well, until you get sick of being sick and tired of your life just not working for you, you'll have that Devil on your shoulder until you change. There will always be a struggle between good and bad.  When you first start out to change your life to a clean/sober life, it's hard, I 'm not going to sugar-coat it, but with support, you can become stronger towards the cravings, you can learn to turn away from the triggers and that Angel...just gets stronger and stronger.

Some folks out there can never turn away from there addictions because they have led that way of life for so long....without professional and medical help, they probably wouldn't last too long on the clean/sober side of life. But even they can change their lives. The power of the mind can be a very formidable component to changing ones life. 

We all know that somethings in life are just too much to bare sometimes and we actually convince ourselves that there is no way out. But to all of you just starting to get clean, remember, you've already taken the first big step in improving your way of life. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep heading in 'THAT' same direction.

You'll see, you'll get to the point where you'll look back on your life and you'll wonder...."wow, was I really like that..?"  Let that be the motivation you need to stay clean and sober.  It does get better. Time does heal. We can become stronger in our convictions to live a clean and sober life, we can be happy.

Enjoy the Day.

To all my visitor's please take into consideration that the Angel and Devil description used in this post is used as a metaphor to describe the struggle of becoming clean and sober.

 

High Expectations.

For those of us who have had to deal with being let-down by our expectations, this article is for you. I'm positive that we have all been let-down at onetime or another because we didn't get what we expected.  As we have come to stop abusing ourselves with drugs and alcohol, we sometimes expect our lives to become this magical, wonderful place to be, right away. It's like trying to win the Indy500 with a racecar that has fouled sparkplugs. We have to remember, for all the time we spent using, we also closed off alot of the things that could have made our lives better.  Sometimes we probably didn't even realize just how messed up our lives became while abusing ourselves. 

Although some of us were functioning addicts...we believed we were doing just fine when we had our drugs or had our drinks.  Until the next time we ran out of our drugs, or didn't have our drinks.  We had gotten so clouded by our addiction that we lost the true perception of the world around us.  We don't really realize that until we're clean and sober just how clouded we truly were.  We have to remember that it took us time to get that way and it's going to take some time to get back on the right path and begin to see our lives in a more positive light.  But it does happen. 

The best way to get through this, without relapsing, is talking about it to others and learning that it's not just you that has had this problem.  You can also read up on how to motivate yourself.  I believe that if we surround ourselves with positive outllooks and attitudes that we will attract the positive things in the universe. Plus we must also learn that negative things do happen at times, and we must learn to cope and deal with the negative things using a positive resolve.  It's like having the attitude that we are not going to let any negative things turn us back into those addicts we once were. 

So don't be affraid to make goals and stick to them in order to improve your life.  Sure you may have some set-backs, but that doesn't mean you have to regress back to your addictive ways.  Realize it's going to take some time for you to re-establish relationships, of any kind, that you may have damaged during your addictive times.  Know that this can be accomplished by the actions we take now once you've made the decision to break away from your addictions.  Like I tell my daughters even to this day, "Believe in yourself, do your best, and you'll be alright."  I find that to be so very true.  Until next time, enjoy the day. 

  

Curbing That Anger....

I believe we all know what it's like to get mad, angry!  Sometimes anger can be the cause for us to relapse. Especially when we are first starting to get clean.  You know that saying "count to 10" or "take a walk" as ridiculous as that sounds, it can actually help us to stop and think before we say something we might regret.  Plus don't forget the effects anger has on our blood pressure.  Take a moment to calm yourself before you communicate what you need/want to say. 

Sometimes it can be difficult to make good decisions when we're angry, so be sure 'not' to make life altering decisions when you're angry, give yourself time to sort through the anger and try to empathize.  It would also be a good idea to find out the root of the anger, whether you're dishing it out or receiving it from someone.

                                                                                                         

Changing how we think is key to helping us as we learn to become unaddicted.  Although anger is a normal emotion and feeling it makes us know we still have feelings, it can still lead to negative outcomes if we don't learn to channel it.  I have learned that anger is a good motivator, it can assert us to get into action.  Have you ever gotten angry at someone or something?  Think about all that energy you're using to feel that angry-emotion, now, what if you learned to channel that energy of anger-emotion towards something you need to accomplish?  

That is a great way to dissolve the negative feelings and channel them or turn them into something positive.  If you have too much trouble doing that on your own, you may need some counseling to help you regulate and to help you learn to control that anger.  Counseling can be going to a meeting and sharing your problem, or going to a counselor and speaking to them one on one.  Either way, it's a good idea for people with anger issues to find ways to curb that anger. 

Remember when you're just beginning to change your old ways of addiction to a clean way of living,  for most of us,  it's going to be an emotional roller-coaster for awhile.  But it's not permanent.  You will begin to feel better emotionally and physically.  Especially if you begin focusing on your health, diet and physical fitness.  You can live a clean life,  you can learn not to be angry,  you can feel good about who you are,  and you can be happy.