Our Brains - Friend, Foe or Both?

Let me ask you a question. How often do we tell ourselves things aren't always what we think they are? In other words, there are times when our own brains just think about things so out of context that we have to tell it to be quiet. Although our brains are great at analytical things and things that require deduction or finding answers, where do we draw the line between when we should listen to our brains and when we should tell it to shut up? Here's what I mean by that. Have you ever thought about something that you may not feel too sure about and your brain starts running through a scenario of outcomes? Sometimes these outcomes are so ridiculous, maybe even frightening, that you close your eyes for a few seconds in an effort to stop thinking about it? Or the brain could be thinking of positive outcomes but you don't buy into them completely because things could turn out completely opposite of what you thought? This is what I've come to know as thought pattern displacement. I was told by someone a long time ago NOT to listen to my brain. At that time, I didn't understand, or maybe didn't want to understand what that meant. But as time has gone on and I've gained wisdom, patience and my thinking has grown wiser, I do understand that very well. And its very true too. 

Think of it this way. Within each of us we have 4 raw forms of how we think, come to decisions, decipher and choose our outcomes for our lives. They are our brains, our hearts, our gut feelings and our spiritual beliefs be them through religion or spirituality. These 4 forms make up who we are, how we make decisions and how we live our lives. What I've come to find is our brains are not always our friend. Our brains, besides being a brilliant thinking mass, has the capacity to destroy our self confidence or build our self image with just thoughts. It can even create the outcome of our lives. How we think and what we think are the components of what we make happen in our daily lives. That saying "..our thoughts create our lives.." is more true than we know. When someone says something negative about you. You are the key factor as to how you will allow this negative comment to effect your entire day, effect how you feel and even the outcome of how you see yourself. Unless you are an unfeeling narcissist, you most likely will feel some kind of feelings about what has been said. We could just let go of it, which is probably the best way to handle it. But for some thats not so easy to do. We certainly can't allow others to direct how we should feel. But most importantly we can't allow our brains to fall into the depths of imagination of self doubt, uncertainty or feelings of inadequacy because of it.

Some of the best ways we can help ourselves is by reminding ourselves of all of our inner strengths. The experiences we've gotten through in our lives, our achievements-no matter how small they all count. When the brain starts to think in negative ways, for every negative thought about yourself think of an opposite positive one. It may help you to write it down. Even though this may be difficult to accomplish at times, the more you do that the better you get at it. When things aren't going right for you, take a moment to ask yourself; "what is the lesson I should be learning here?" This is a way we can self examine ourselves and even gain strength within and change the way our brains can think. Now grant it, there will be times when you can't help how you feel. Unkind and hard times can stir up negative patterns, its just the way life is. But its how we handle those moments and how we think about them that makes all the difference in how it affects us and how we will feel. Our thoughts create our lives. We are affected by others only when we allow negative people and unhappy circumstances to affect our thoughts about ourselves. If you're a person that feels like the thoughts your brain creates are making you feel unhappy, its time to re-evaluate your thinking and begin to think differently. Don't become hostage of self sabotaging thoughts that hold you back from discovering what you are capable of achieving and who you truly are. Believe in yourself.


            Copyright(c)2015-2019. Our Brains - Friend, Foe or Both? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Self Esteem - It makes us who we are

Self-esteem is a term in psychology that reflects a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. A person’s self concept consists of the beliefs one has about oneself, one’s self perception. Self esteem is that part of our emotional make up that makes us who we are. When we have healthy self esteem we are capable of achieving almost anything we set our minds to doing. Our self esteem is like a lighter that sets off the fire in our emotional furnace. When we are young our feelings get hurt more easily because we have not yet learned how to deal with hurt feelings. Usually a loving hug from mom and dad, some words of encouragement, would make things all better. As we grow older we learn to handle hurt feelings, for the most part, more maturely. But the road to that maturity isn't always easy. There is and will always be bumps in the road that will test our self esteem. When someone treats us badly we can either handle it with a grain of salt and carry on or we feel hurt, angry and uncertain why we were treated that way. We pretend it doesn't bother us but when we're alone thinking, it can bring you down. If there's one thing you take away from this article remember "no one can make you feel bad about how you see yourself except you."  The meaning of that one sentence can take some people many years to grasp. There is always circumstances that will test character. With the correct outlook towards these challenges you can overcome many circumstances the can lead to having a healthy self esteem. Tweens and young teenagers are more effected by low self esteem. At that age they are discovering who they are and learning about so many things that effect their emotional growth. It can be a difficult stage for anyone at that age. Peer pressure, bullies, abusive home life, negative feedback or no positive influence will effect young minds and could cause them to feel alienated, sorrowful, uncertain about their self worth. It could get so bad that they act out in very negative forms. This is why its a vital part of raising children that parents try to be the positive re-enforcement that children desperately require.

You may not have a huge hollywood home, you may not have boatloads of money, fancy cars, high fashion wardrobes or any of the material things that people think make them happy. You could have a cozy two bedroom home, a decent car that runs well, you buy discount clothes, discount foods, discount everything to save money. There's not a dam thing wrong about that. What matters is how you nurture and teach your children how to live a good solid life. How to respond to those negative events that can chip away at their self esteem. When you see your child down or upset, STOP whatever you are doing and talk "with" your child not at your child. Do your very best to be positive, encouraging, teach your children that its not the end of world when things seem bad for them. Just listen to them, let them express themselves. All parents should embrace their childrens troubles and help them to find a way to solve whatever may be upsetting them. In doing this it will teach your child to deal with the negatives of life and give them a sense of power. They will learn that they can overcome negative feelings that may otherwise turn inward. Even if your child goes off the beaten path, as they sometimes do, usually when they are nurtured and loved unconditionally they will find their way back to the path. This is something that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. So its important as a parent to remember that and follow through. Lets not forget about older folks either. Why are so many older people forgotten? Its as if their families think they are no longer of use or value. Of course, sadly their are older relatives or friends that require care due to diseases that may come with age. But for those who still have their health and minds about them, they can be very helpful when we need wisdom about life. For some people their self esteem is effected by the fact that they are growing older, no longer a young and vibrant person. Thats a hard pill to swallow because none of us want to really face that fact. It effects everyone. I suggest that we all try to age as vibrantly and healthy as possible. We learn to embrace the twilight seasons of our lives and we carry on as best we can. Some people will resort back to an age of youthful thinking to cope with the low tides of self esteem.

Some people will keep themselves rejuvenated and healthy so they can overcome the negatives that ride along side of aging. Some people will give up and become angry and unpleasant, because its difficult for them to except that they are growing older. Those who embrace the natural process of life will usually be more happier and positive about living. They will usually have a higher level of self esteem compared to a person who is in a negative state of mind. You are fortunate when you have family members that are in the golden years. Don't forget they've been around a lot longer than you and they've learned a lot about living life to the fullest. So don't neglect them, listen to them when they speak. Give them a hug to let them know they're loved and that you appreciate their wisdom. Share some happiness. Low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people. Especially those who experience depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. For these people its especially important for them to keep to a positive outlook as best as they can. Counseling is a useful avenue to take and for some medications can be helpful. Medical research has shown that a person with an illness or disease heals better even faster when they have a positive outlook and their self esteem is healthy. If you have a friend or relative that has a health issue like these be a good friend and visit them or call them and nurture their emotional health and self esteem. Not only will it uplift and help them to feel better it will make you feel good that you've helped someone in a time of need. Another way to improve your self esteem is to stop comparing yourself to other people. You are a unique individual and you have the power within yourself, by applying positive implementation to rise above the fall of low self esteem. But you have to practice and apply it for it to be successful for you.

There are endless factors that make up who we are, as an individual. When we compare ourselves to others we tend to focus on factors with envy not seeing our own good qualities. Stay aware of your own thinking. Don't let the negative talk in your head control who you really are as a person. Stay positive in thought. Keep thinking of your own good qualities, virtues and strengths. Fire the negative thoughts going on inside your mind. Make it a habit to praise your qualities and congratulate every victory no matter how small. Always consider the positive factors in your life. Practice this everyday especially when the chips are down. In doing so you can alter, change and overcome low self esteem and live for a better quality of life. Enjoy the day.

Copyrights(c)2014.Self Esteem-It makes us who we are. Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

How We Handle Anger

An old Japanese tale goes,  a belligerent samurai once challenged a Zen master to explain the concept of heaven and hell.  But the monk replied with scorn, "you're nothing but a lout...I can't waste my time with the likes of you!"  His very honor attacked, the samurai flew into a rage and pulling his sword from it's scabbard, yelled, "I could kill you for your impertinence!"  That, the monk calmly replied, is hell. Startled at seeing the truth in what the master pointed out about the fury that had him in it's grip, the samurai calmed down, sheathed his sword, and bowed, thanking the monk for his insight.  And that, said the monk...is heaven.

Anger is a trap. When we allow ourselves to dissolve into fury, we do damage to our soul and spirit.  Anger can come upon you suddenly, like a flash.  And you are engaged because it is a trap. It is a trap of the sinister force, the forces of darkness and it is a trap we lay for ourselves because we don't deliver ourselves from the dweller-on-the-threshold.
(The dweller-on-the-threshold is a term used to designate the anti-self, the not-self, the anti-thesis of the real self.)

But the will and the determination, the surrender and the consciousness of wrestling with ourselves to get rid of those points of darkness, that's something only we can do. Taming the wild horse of anger. We all remember times when we were angry or completely lost our temper. At other times perhaps we were seething with anger, altho' we didn't express it directly.  Some of us believe our anger is a good thing, and furthermore, you may feel better after you've yelled it out.  Frankly it gives me a headache after I exert anger & it highers my bloodpressure. Your health will be affected by anger too but not in a good healthy way.

Perhaps you see nothing wrong with venting anger. Yet when we understand how energy works, we realize that angry vibes, made even more powerful when we yell them, are explosive energy. It's an emotional bomb that disrupts clear reasoning.  And the aftermath of negative vibes doesn't just go away. It keeps us in a grumbly mood, pollutes productivity and impacts people around us. 

Most people don't like those vibes one bit. They usually forget the point they were trying to make midst the fury. Think of one of those times in your life when you were seething with anger.  Then ask yourself, "What was the point of my anger?  How did I express it?"  Now remember a time that you wouldn't say you were angry but you felt irritated, disgusted, annoyed or frustrated. When you look deeper, you'll discover that those feelings are simply variations of the theme, they all track back to anger.

Anger, a powerful destructive force, even when it's just simmering or seething within us, actually creates emotional pollution in ourselves, our relationships, our home, our neighborhood, our work place and the planet. What can we do about it? Checking a runaway temper is like taming a wild horse. If you have ever ridden high-spirited horses, you know not to let them just run, especially if they are jumpy or upset. You use the reins to guide them, a soft toned voice to calm them. You get much better results that way. We can do the same with anger.

We can bridle the beast. If we have our mouths closed, we will not misuse our power verbally. If we refuse to strike out with our fists or feet, whatever, we will not misuse our power physically. Even when our anger isn't a reaction to people but what may be going on in daily lives around us. Such as, the state of our country, terrorism, pollution from chemicals, trapping of dolphins in a tuna catch, the conditions of the world around us etc. All the causes we feel passionate about. Can eat away at us until we are pushed just enough & we explode into a raging, angry, irrational person.  

The principle of how we handle our feelings is exactly the same.  Whenever we are angry, we need to find a "constructive" way to approach the situation that is incensing us. We need to seek ways to take constructive action in our own sphere of influence.  Meditation i.e. yoga, pilates, getting out and going for a pep-step walk or any form of exercise can do wonders for anger (and stress). Anger is normal, every body has it, no one is exempt. 

But how we handle that powerful energy is our choice. We always have a choice.  If we adjust our perspective, we can take dominion over our passions. When we bridle our temper, we begin to tame that wild horse of anger within us. Now we can rein him in, turn him around and head off that display of human volatility. Keep calm & carry on.  

Written by Sherrie Vitello, Excerpts taken from the wonderful book: EMOTIONS Transforming Anger, Fear and Pain by Marilyn C. Barrick, Ph.D.