Empty Nest Syndrome - How do we handle the anxiety?

A friend tells me of a situation that she finds herself going through. Actually its probably more of a life changing event. She has 2 children that have reached adulthood and they are embarking on setting out on their own. One will go to college and the other starts a new job at an advertising company. They will be moving away from home. It all sounds great for the children and we wish them the best success in their lives. Off they go..to their own lives. My friend, we'll call her Amanda, is now finding herself waking up everyday without the sounds of activity in the home. As a matter of fact there are no sounds at all inside. With the exception of the cat meowing for her morning meal.

Amanda grabs her coffee and is looking outside. She is almost in a numb state-of-mind because for her, this is her first day of living with her empty-nest syndrome. For alot of mothers(and dads too)this can make you feel alittle lost for awhile, which is completely normal. Of course some parents look forward to having their home back to themselves. Which reclaims a sort of individual independence, which is healthy too. But I believe that even so, there is still a part of each mother(and dad)that will miss hearing all of that noise, the music coming from their room, making sure they eat something for breakfast before they leave the house. Picking clothes up off the floor, sharing special moments with each child, that quality time is so important, even for just a few moments, knowing the smells of their rooms, making sure they have some spending money(if you can)and so many other facets that came along with a full nest.

A breif description of: Empty Nest Syndrome by Wikipedia states: Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of loneliness that parents or guardians may feel when one or more of their children leave home; it is more common in women. The marriage of a child can lead to similar feelings, with the role and influence of the parents often becoming less important compared to the new spouse. A strong maternal or paternal bond between the parent and child can make the condition worse. The role of the parent while the child is still living with them is more hands-on and immediate than is possible when they have moved out, particularly if the distance means that visits are difficult. This will also vary from culture to culture. In some cultures children take care of their parents until they pass away. The syndrome takes its name from bird nesting habits.

So what can we do to help relieve some of the emotional anxiety that accompanies empty-nest syndrome? Here are some strategies that will help. First if you're in a relation ship, you may want to take a good look at your relationship i.e. where will the relationship go from here? Make new goals and plans together that can enrich your bond with your partner. You've spent the last 2 decades taking care of your family, now its time to find yourselves and each other again. Activity is paramount, its so important to develop an exercise routine, bike riding, fishing, hiking, tennis, things you can do with your partner. Plus eating a healthy diet i.e. fruits and veggies(if you don't already do this)along with exercise is incredibly beneficial and you will live healthier and longer.

Pick up the Passion with each other. Make the time to rekindle that romantic side with each other. You've been so busy with family, you haven't really made any special time for just the two of you. Rekindle that romantic side. Plan a cruise, have romantic dinners once or twice a month, go to a resort somewhere. And a very important thing to do is just for yourself, make some "by yourself time." It's important to have some time to do what you like to do by yourself. Maybe start a hobby, create some art, do some thing that is constructive that you enjoy doing. Something that gives you a sense of accomplishment once you've completed it. Even though the children are gone, there is no need to smother each other. Alone time is essential for maintaining a healthy, positive outlook.

I believe at any age, when we participate in activity with children, whether briefly or longterm, it brings out the best in us and makes us better human beings. Enjoy the day!




Copyright(c)2011.Empty Nest Syndrome-How do we handle the anxiety?Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

The Out Of Our Control Worry - How do we deal?

Along with everything else that all of us human beings have to worry about in our daily lives is the haunting yet very real fact that the world around us is going through some changes. I'm talking about what's going on with our planet. It's what I call 'Out of Our Control Worry.' The worry about things that we can only do very little or nothing to change or prevent from occurring. I look at the news every morning and there always seems to be some form of disaster that has taken place somewhere on our beautiful planet. Some caused by mankind, no doubt, but alot of these occurrences are created by nature. Tornadoes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Volcano erruptions, Floods(altho' this can be attributed to the altering of water ways with dams and dikes.)

Scientists are telling us due to our polluting of the atmosphere, that our ozone layer is breaking down. People are starving. War and rumors of war. Mankind continues to overpopulate parts of the world without having the means to care properly for their offspring. All of these things can weigh on our minds and even make us feel upset, stressed, sad or depressed. I'm not going to sugar coat this and tell you that it'll all be alright, no one really knows the outcome of our future, except this, if mankind doesn't get their act together with the planet, we will not survive the outcome. Sounds awful doesn't it? For those who are familiar with the writings of Revelations, these are all the signs of the times. The four horsemen are riding strong in a metaphoric sense.  

For more information on the planets most polluted places read it at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blacksmith_Institute#World.27s_Worst_Polluted_Places_ReportsList of the World's Worst Polluted Places. It's interesting reading.  

Now no one likes to hear or read about all of these awful things taking place on our planet, who has the time to worry about them? The thing is that even though alot of folks will not watch the news about all of these terrible events, the thought of knowing they exist still weighs on our minds. Whether we realize it or not. We just don't bring those thoughts and worries to the forefront of our conscience thinking. How does that effect our emotions, attitudes, outlook and thoughts? If we live by the saying 'Out of sight, Out of mind' then perhaps that gives us alittle reprieve. Which is a good thing for us. Afterall we all can't walk around moping and feeling awful right?

It stands to reason that if we continue about our lives with a positive outlook, things are better for us. No matter what may be going on around us. Of course if there is any way to help to preserve our lands, nature and the planet then we should always work towards that. I would like to grow old knowing that our children and their children and so on, will do all in their power to protect and preserve our planet. When everyone lends a hand in helping this cause, it can only help to sustain a better world. But we all have to contribute, even in the smallest ways. Whether it's recycling, converting water into energy, lowering green house effects, stopping the pollution of our skies etc. every little bit helps our planet. Remember..we only have one earth.

I once read a story a long time ago that has stuck in my mind forever and I still apply it especially today. Altho' there may be various but similar writings of it, the meaning is the same. It says; an angel came upon a man hoeing his garden and the man appeared happy in his work, the angel asked the man. "What would you do if the world was going to end tommorrow?" The man replied; "...continue hoeing my garden." Those are words to live by. And that's what I'll leave with you on how to deal with the out of our control worry. Enjoy the day!

Written by Sherrie Vitello





Copyright(c)2011.The Out Of Our Control Worry. By Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Toilet-Time Variables - A Positve or Negative Emotional Effect.

Upon overhearing a strange discussion the other day about how much time should be spent taking care of business on the throne, I thought how I've hardly read anything written up on the subject. Has there been any medical studies on this? Since we have freedom to write on practically any topic..why not? So I decided to find out what I could on the matter and I wanted to share the surprising results with you all. Let me put this as delicately as possible. OK... the question is then posed: "How much time should a person take, on the toilet?" Should there be variables on time?

After doing some research on this subject, besides the obvious, I found out that people have many reasons as to what they do and why they spend a certain amount of time on the all mighty throne, john, loo, toilet or commode. Plus considering technology today, i.e. laptops, playbooks, tablets, MP3's, PSP's, Smartphones, its no wonder people will utilize time spent in the bathroom or even take alittle more time to play with these devices or even to do some quick tasks. Would playing video games, listening to music or doing a business task have a positive effect on us? I believe it could.

Actually, I had no idea that there was so many different types and styles of toilets in the world. Some were simple while some were extravagant. Some toilets came in small stalls that made you feel like you were in a tiny capsule. Some came in huge bathrooms the size of a person's living room or bigger. I started to get flushed about all of this(no pun intended)but I was fascinated about it at the same time. For some people time on the toilet allows them some quiet time, to think about their day, what plans they have, what they'll be doing on the weekend or something about their work. So here I would think that time spent on the toilet is positive.

But we probably shouldn't sit in that position too long due to our legs would fall asleep. Then you'd be stuck there until you figured out how to pull yourself up to your feet, which would make you late for work or an appointment. Then you might be missed by your supervisor or worse, the boss, and you'd have to explain why you were late..it just keeps snowballing into a nightmare LOL! Anyway, some people spend time on the toilet reading a book, magazine, doing crosswords or book puzzles, in an attempt to create a few moments of quiet time. Which I would think is a positive way to relax our minds, ponder a thought, even briefly meditate. For some people spending time on the toilet is a way for them to escape the hustle of the day.

Probably a good thing to do once in awhile. I found that some people felt safe in the bathroom even public rest rooms held a sense of security for some. Why is it called a bathroom at home and a restroom in public? Because many people use the restroom to do their business and freshen up? How can a person "freshen up" in a public restroom? Thoughts and questions keep spinning in my head about this. OK, back to my point. I've been in public restrooms, who hasn't, and frankly when I walk in there, I don't care how sterile it looks, I feel like I've just entered a petri-dish full of bacteria. You can bet I clean the seat and then place paper on it.

I don't even touch the door handle when entering or leaving, I use my elbows when possible. Germaphobic? Maybe. So in this example of using the toilet in a public restroom, although I'm glad to find one when I need it, I get in and out as fast as I can. I don't think this is a positive place to spend too much time in. Besides the lighting is just awful showing all our imperfections."Don't forget to wash your hands before you leave." Do you think people who spend time on the toilet are more relaxed or less stressed than others? Hm... Or are we less stressed just by getting in there and doing our business and getting out? Some times we have to just get in and out quick. Would going about it rushed or quickly as possible, have any negative effects on us?

Are we better for doing it that way or taking a little time for ourselves? So many questions, so little time. What about when you're at work? I believe most people are most likely to spend less time on the toilet. Due to most people work with others so the restroom is more likely to be utilized by more people more often. Unless you're lucky enough to have that restroom that's sort of hidden and not too many use it. I would think consideration would come into play here. So don't spend as much time in there as you would at home and don't forget to spray!

Here's an interesting fact: Scotland docked their workers' wages for the time they spend in the loo.(restroom.) The workers' union TGWU objected after the 200 staff were issued with smart cards that deduct their pay for the time they're away from the factory floor.

"..Oh crap!.."

All in all I discovered that when we spend a few moments on the toilet it has more positive effects on us than negative. But because most of us are so busy with our lives, work, family, friends etc. we tend to overlook this opportunity to take a few short moments to just ease our minds. If we do that it would make our bodily-function easier on us which would be healthier too. If we release toxins from our bodies why not from our minds. So if you're the type of person that is always in a rush, get in, get out, do yourself a favor and the next time you have to use the toilet remember to take a moment to relax your body and your mind. You'll see that your day will become less stressful which is a good thing all the way around. Enjoy the day!




(Please note that this article is not intended to gross anyone out, it's intention is to bring to light the positive and negative effects of spending time in the bathroom. Respectfully, plain and simple. Comments are welcome.)

Copyright (c) 2011.Toilet-Time Variables - A Positive or Negative Emotional Effect. By SherrieVitello. All Rights Reserved.

The Birth Of Violence - A Theory on How and Why It Exist

What is it about human beings that makes us resort to violence? Sometimes I ponder this question and wonder why humans are so easily angered into violent acts. If we think about it, violence has been in human behavior since the dawn of time. Cane and Able for example; Cane being the first murderer and Able being the first murdered victim. All over Cane being jealous of Able. Did this set the path for human behavior? Or were we created this way? If this set the path or we were created this way, either way, I believe our creators were NOT perfect. (Note: I refer to God as "our creator's" due to whats written in the bible, Genesis 1-26.) For those who believe God is the only one, the only creator, or that God stems from several creators, no matter which one we believe, he's not perfect. Frankly I believe God is an extraterrestrial and that there are many others like him, but thats my belief.

Anyway, back to the point. How could an entity(God or Creator)be so perfect and create us and allow us to have violent tendencies? In Genesis 1-26, And God said: 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.'  Now I'm no english major, but the last time I checked, the word "OUR" meant; Used to denote oneself and another or others. In other words: US. My point here is since he created us in his image, does this mean that they also had violent tendencies? God obviously got pissed off at Adam and Eve and then kicked them out of Eden for gaining knowledge after Eve was persuaded to eat that dam apple...right?  Even though stated as punishment, could this be a form of violence?

Why do we human beings loose our tempers, say nasty things to each other, strike each other, kill each other, if we're not wired for that reaction? Sure anger is an emotion, but why do we have that emotion? We must have been created that way. I know God gave us "Free will" so we could choose our behavior, make our own choices. But...if violent tendencies weren't apart of our makeup, we wouldn't have them. So we must have been created with them. That makes me believe that our creators had violent tendencies too. If our dna strand makes up what we are, then perhaps those humans that are more violent than others might have a corrupted peice in that dna strand that causes them to be able to hurt others without remorse. Of course most humans may get angry sometimes, which is an emotional response. But some humans can't seem to control that anger and it explodes into violent acts and even murder. Whoa...thats getting too heavy.

One thing is, I know alot of people "go wrong" in their lives due to their childhood being messed up. But alot of people had bad experiences in their childhood and they don't go around being violent to others. They live a normal peaceful life. Then you have the flip side to that and have people that were raised in well-to-do households and they went totally off the path of living a peaceful, happy life and decided to go out and kill some innocent person. It just doesn't add up. Anyway, there you have some theories on violent behavior and why it exists. All I know is the history of human beings has always had violence in it. I'm not sure if psychiatrists or medical science will ever find a way to resolve this problem. I guess we should try to live by The Serenity Prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Have a peaceful day.

Written By Sherrie Vitello


Copyright(c) 2011. The Birth Of Violence-A Theory on How and Why It Exists by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Beat The Negative Attitude With A Different Outlook

Negative: expressing opposition or denial; lacking any affirmative quality. Positive: certain, absolutely sure; decisive; direct. In comparison these two words are the opposite of each other. Just as human beings have opposite sides to their personalities. It all starts from childhood. How we are shown the world. How we react to situations. How we deal with pressures bought on by others. Since there is no manual on how to raise the perfect human, parents have had to rely on things they were taught and things they believe when teaching their children. Right on up until we're old enough to handle our daily lives. Now although we always hear of someone "going wrong" because of how they were raised, and how we're raised does effect how we form our character. Parents can only give advice or put their child on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. The outcome to any situation will rely on how we see the problem.

For instance, have you ever known someone who always blows things way out of proportion. Alot of the time it's due to stress for that person but also due to that person has not learned that the best way to solve things is to meet them calmly and not to allow anger to blure your vision of rationality. Things will always go wrong in all of our lives, for one reason or another. If we just take a deep breath, wait a few seconds before speaking, think about the situation before coming to a conclusion, we stand a better chance at handling it with a much better resolve. In my life I've met people along the way that would just fly off the handle, before they even knew the entire situation. I did my best to stay away from that negative source. It makes it very difficult for us to approach someone who will not hear the entire situation and they will only think of the negative. This is not the correct way to resolve a situation or problem.

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When we look at situations or problems with a positive outlook or attitude we are able to resolve it easier and with less stress. A positive outlook gives us the opportunity to explore the different ways of solving things because we're not angry, stressed(too much) or thinking everything is negative. Therefore we can beat the negative attitude with a different outlook. And 9 times out of 10 we're going to succeed at making a decision for whatever situation may arise, for the better. So the next time you come across something that boils your blood, makes you mad, take a few moments to think about what would be the best way to resolve this, in a positive way, so it turns out well for all concerned. Leave your anger somewhere else because it will most likely get you no where. I guess for alot of us maturity plays an important role in learning to achieve a positive way of thinking. We would be better for it, emotionally and health wise once we realize that negative begats negative. Just as positive begats positive. Keep calm and carry on. Enjoy the day.
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Written by: Sherrie Vitello

Weightloss?...This is a Lifestyle Change.

I was watching one of those tv-infomercials the other morning about exercising to lose weight. I couldn't help notice how hard the narrator was trying to get the point across of how much weight you could lose. They would show a woman that was about 5'4", 200lbs. and after just 3 months of using this certain exercise video, she lost 65lbs. Really??... For anyone of us out there trying to lose weight, (who isn't?), please don't stress out over the bs these informercials try to shove down our throats.  Just 3 months huh? 

It'll take most of us 3 months just to get the routine down, let alone doing the routine as coordinated and as fast as they show in the informercial. Believe me I know, I've tried. Plus...why is it that they only show young people?  I mean don't things start heading south after age 40?...Geez!  Ok I'm getting off my point here. Back to the point I'm trying to make. I know in this world everyone is trying to make money using those not too realistic infomercials and advertising. But come on, surely you know that most of those products don't do half of what they state. Plus some of those products are too expensive.

So what can we do to lose the weight and not lose our minds in the process?  For one, with the availability of computers and technology, we have access to all sorts of information. Thats the one thing we should take advantage of here. Taking a few minutes to obtain information about the things that can help us achieve what we are setting out to achieve. If you can afford to go to a dietician, then go get accessed and work out an eating plan that works for you. On the way home, DO NOT stop by the local store for any snacks. One thing I've learned in my journey of losing this middle-aged alien fat is we have to work on what works for us.

If you just listen to all these exercise guru's that tell you 10 different things, you will surely get discouraged. Although we all have the same body parts, inside our bodies can be very different from each other. Due to our bodies make up and our emotional state of mind. Metabolsm, heredity, ability to burn fat, motivation, attitude etc. It's not like you can go on a diet, exercise for a few months when you're feeling up to it and achieve the body shape you're looking for. You have to realize that this is a lifestyle change NOT a short journey.   

You can't do a lifestyle change for a few months. It's exactly what it says it is..."life style."  Look at what you're eating. Ask yourself, do I eat too much fried foods?  Am I stopping by too many fast food restaurants for a quick lunch? Do you tell yourself, "I don't have the time to make a healthy lunch."  Really??... Well ask yourself this, "How much do I care about my health now, in 10, 20, or 30 years from now?"  Are you one of those people that say, "Awww, I'll worry about 10, 20, or 30 years from now when I get there." Well guess what?  Everything you do for your bodies health now...will benefit you greatly in those 10 to 30 years from now.

That's right. If you change to eating healthy, learn about those foods that burn fat, increases the metabolism, foods that help prevent deseases, don't eat fried foods, eat brightly colored veggies and fruits, stop eating at those fast food restaurants, you won't only add years to your life span, you'll add healthy years.  Of course this is not an easy task. So start with changing how you see yourself. Learn to love and respect yourself. When I look at myself in the mirror, which I'm not particularly fond of doing, I see that I need to keep working at my body. I know I have a few more pounds to lose, I'm not bathing suit ready.

But the difference is my attitude about myself has changed.  I no longer look away in discouragement or disgust. I look and see some improvement, some weight loss and I smile. I tell myself I'm doing good, I'm feeling better about me, and thats what I hold on to, that keeps me motivated. Oh and if I were you, get into the habit of not using the bathroom scale. As you get into exercising regularly you'll start to build muscle and muscle weighs more than fat, so if you step on the scale and you've gained instead of lost weight but you've been working your food program and exercising regularly, don't despair. 

As your routine gets more involved and your body starts to respond to your new lifestyle, you'll see the changes in your body, it won't happen overnight, but it does come. Without a doubt, your body will change and you will lose that excess weight.  But remember, be fair to yourself, don't have unrealistic expectations about how long a period of time it will take. Experience shows when we commit to ourselves and we are determined to achieve what we have set out to do, things have a way of working in our favor. So what ever you do, don't stop. It's when things seem their toughest that we must not give up.  Enjoy the day!

Written by: Sherrie Vitello

Gratitude IS our Latitude!

If you don't know already, "negative begats negative and positive begats positive." This effects all areas of our lives everyday. The more I learn about the way we respond to things and how it effects the outcome, the more certain I am about the validity of that statement above.

What outlook are we carrying forth into the day ahead?  Are we feeling fearful about the circumstances confronting us?  Do we dread a planned meeting?  Are we worried about the welfare of a friend or lover?  Whatever our present outlook, it's power over the outcome of our day is profound.  Our attitude in regard to any situation attracting our attention influences the outcome. Sometimes to our favor, often to our disfavor if our attitude is negative.

Thankfulness toward life guarantees the rewards we desire, the rewards we seek too often from an ungrateful stance.  The feeling of gratitude is foreign to many of us.  We came to this program(or circumstance) feeling worthless, sometimes rejected, frequently depressed. 

It seemed life had heaped problems in our laps, and so it had.  The more we *lamented what life "gave us," the more reasons we were given to *lament.  We got just what we expected.

We still get just what we expect. The difference is that the program(or positive changes) has offered us the key to higher expectations. Gratitude for the good in our lives increases the good.

* Lament or Lamented: meaning an expression of sorrow or affliction. Express grief, sorrow or remorse.

Excerpts taken from the book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

Written by:  Sherrie Vitello