How Do I Reach Out For Help - What About Support Groups?

Someone has stated that they don't quite understand this sobriety thing, how to reach out or get connected. A lot of people feel that way when first changing their lives for the better. When you've realized that you need to change you've just done what you question. You have already begun reaching out. At this point, getting involved in a home group is very beneficial to you. You can find a variety of information online. GO! You'll see. Be sure to ask where you can get a schedule-book with all the locations and time-schedules in it. Don't feel bad about going to meetings, everyone there has the same goal, more than less. Even though at first we all may feel awkward at an unfamiliar place. Stick with a place for a few visits and get a feel for the group. If you're not comfortable with a place go to another place. Until you feel comfortable about going there all of the time. Its a process, so take your time. But GO! At first it may seem like its useless but it isn't. Then again you may find a place right off that you'll feel really good about. You may also want to check out the selected groups for men or women only. The first step is recognizing that you have to change, so you are already on your way to changing for the better. Now you need to learn the tools of how to deal with keeping to it. Remember how far you would go to get your DOC? (works for Drink or Drug of choice.) Use that same persistence and desire to get the support & learn the tools you need to stick to your sobriety.
Its ALL worth it.  

 

This is one journey that is more successful when you have support from others. Because addiction is very stubborn about staying in your life. It will cause you to have cravings and triggers influenced by the social structure you are subjected to everyday. Its a monkey on your back and its holding on to you very strongly. You'll need to learn how not to give in to it. Because of all the influence there is in society for most of us it can be difficult to overcome, at first. But by having support and direction from your group, you will become strong enough to overcome those influences that would otherwise get the better of you. If you are fortunate enough to connect  with  a "good" sponsor, its a very good idea to do so. You may have to go through a couple of sponsor's though before you find one that really is active in helping you stay clean and sober. But don't despair, you will find one. Although some people may not be as genuine as others, you can connect with the right person. Don't give up trying. A sponser can become an important associate in your journey to staying clean and sober. Look for someone who has been clean and sober for more than 2 years. In doing so, this person has honed the tools for staying away from the addiction. You want someone who has a positive outlook and solid emotional stability. So look for these qualities before you ask someone to be your sponsor.

 

 

What about relationships? One rule of thumb you should always stick to during recovery and that is, NEVER get romantically involved with your sponsor, people in your group, or even people outside of your group. Especially within your first year of going to meetings. Why is this important? Because when you're in the first stages of recovery you are not emotionally ready or prepared to take on any issues that come with a relationship. Just the common events of it can be stressing. A lot of times when things get stressed or go wrong in a relationship, it can cause you to relapse. Sometimes it can cause worse things to happen as well. Its safer for your sobriety and for you to keep any outside emotional demands from occurring. If you're already in a relationship, hopefully your partner is attending meetings as well. Either for themselves or to learn how to support the partner in recovery. Both people in a relationship will need to learn how to deal with sobriety whether both are addicts or not. Also remember just because you are going to a meeting place where most people are working at the same thing, sobriety, don't think that everyone there is a wonderful, trust worthy, supportive person. Even though we'd like to think that about everyone, there will be some people there with their own agenda. They may not be as genuine about their sobriety as others. Something else to keep in mind.

 

                            

All in all attending a support group for any addiction is a very useful tool for people. You get from it what you want by attending. Take the time to talk to someone who has been going to meetings for a long time. Someone who has been clean and sober for a while. You can feel their inner-strength, self assurance and positive attitude. It doesn't matter how many people are at a meeting either. You can attend a small group or a large group, its up to you. But going is key to feeling better and staying clean and sober. You are going because you want to learn to live life on life's terms, without having to use drugs or alcohol to exist. The cravings diminish overtime, the triggers are kept at bay because you've learned how to deal with them. You wake up and actually feel grateful for the day. Like a lot of things, you get out of it what you put into it. But you have to make up your mind to go everyday even more than once a day if necessary. This is your journey to sobriety. You are going to these meetings to help yourself get on the road of a clean, sober and happy life. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your life. You have to take it serious in order for your recovery to be achieved. And it can be achieved even if you're at that point of your addiction where you believe you can't exist without your DOC. As a matter of fact its when you think that.. that its time to get the help you need. Its time to get your life back. Just Go!

 

 

 

Copyright(c)2013.How Do I Reach Out For Help - What About Support Groups? Written by SherrieVitello. All Rights Reserved.

A Hassle Free Life? Dealing With Life's Terms.



Look around you. You may see alot of people whose lives you think are perfect, but the fact is that nobody's life is perfect. Not even the "wonderful-life family" down the block, the ones with the 2 wonderful children, wonderful house, cute little doggie, 2 new cars, 3 huge flatscreen tv's, a John Deer Riding lawnmower and a wonderful weed and crab-grass-free lawn. Although it may not look like it from the outside, everyone has daily stress, absurd situations and problems. There is no one on the planet that has a hassle free life. No matter how good things look. The universe just doesn't work that way. There may be days when life seems idyllic, so enjoy them while they last because the universe is just getting wound up to throw you a curve ball. Its not a matter of IF it will happen, its WHEN. There comes a day when the car breaks down, the cable goes haywire, the dog runs away, you couldn't pay a bill, your nice new truck got broke into overnight, the lawn is sprouting weeds and the mower needs repair and you've just found out that your place of employment is downsizing.

Its no wonder that sometimes daily lives can become overwhelming. Its enough to drive a person crazy. Sometimes it does, sometimes we just break down. Yet basically people find ways to work through the absurdities and pressures and we strive to be happy. For some, they aren't taught about the tools or coping skills necessary to help work through life's daily pressures and stress. Perhaps their parents weren't taught to have solid coping skills either. We can begin to turn to outside influences. Befriending a person who is of good character and influence makes for a good example. Usually a positive influence talks the talk and walks the walk. Just as negative influences will have negative effects. Other influences can be forms of overdone stimulation, like drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, overeating etc. People do these things in order to feel better and to help forget the negatives in their lives. Its an easy way out of dealing with the pressures and not living life on life's terms.

We convince ourselves that we need this outside stimuli in order to feel good about ourselves. But we don't and its only temporary. We usually regret this later on after a bad habit has become an addiction. Maybe, at this point of your life, yours isn't exactly what you had hoped it would be. You may even think of your life as a mess. That's not okay. Unless you've given up on yourself and your life, we all have a responsibility to ourselves and our loved ones. People who have set goals, achieved things, created a life with structure and purpose always feel more complete and happy. If all you do is wake up everyday, do drugs or drink alcohol, you don't do anything constructive, your life will become one stagnant, sad existence. Even in the face of loss, due to a tragic storm, foreclosure on your home, loss of your job, loss of a loved one, whatever the case.

People can and will always rebuild themselves and their lives. Its in our innate nature to survive. To come full circle and back to a plateau of stability. You may not get back everything material you've lost and may not achieve every goal you've had on your bucket list. But by aiming high to reach your goals, you will certainly land above where you are now. Fighting the "good fight" to survive and exist in a state of gratitude or completeness is not an unrealistic aspiration. All things are possible when we believe in it enough to try. Your goal isn't perfection, but progress, day to day, month to month, year to year.  If you can look back and see that progress, know you're moving on, you gain fortitude and motivation which gives you wings. You're doing fine. As you progress, you compare life now with life 6 months ago or even a year ago. You see the progress you've made. It feels good and gives you direction and structure. Which are vital keys to feeling productive, content and living more happily.

*If you're in recovery, and this is your beginning, first off, you are not alone. For some people, the first year of getting back on solid ground, is a case of one step forward two steps back. You may finish the first few weeks not noticeably advanced from the day you started your journey. Perhaps you were in such a dense fog of addiction, for so long, that now you feel you are incapable of dealing with everyday life situations. If this is your case, you should embrace that fact and get the help you need. It may take a little longer for someone with that scenario to see improvements, but they will. Inevitably, in such a case, the time it takes to build a solid foundation for recovery is prolonged but still possible. Many of these people aren't ready to move on after a year or even 2 years. That could be your situation. If it is, don't despair. You have already started improving your life by acknowledging that you need to be in recovery. That's awesome! You're building a foundation for that new positive, productive person you will become. If you rush through that foundation then you're sure to regret it when the walls cave in on you. Take the time you need or you may find yourself relapsing and having to begin over again on a new road to recovery.  All life is precious, share your knowledge and help those who need help. You'll be a better person in doing so. Enjoy the day.


Copyright(c)2013.A Hassle Free Life? Dealing With Life's Terms.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.
 

RISE!

People need to be their best friend instead of their worse enemy. Loneliness and Alienation is a state of mind and can be prevented. You have to channel negative feelings like boredom or hopelessness into something constructive. I tell people this because its true. Once you've decided to commit to a sober and clean lifestyle you can develop forms of thinking that are productive instead of destructive.

You wonder why life sucks for you. You think its all your fault or someone else's. You think you'll never get out of the rut you're in, you are depressed, you feel hopeless, you look down on yourself..... when you reach this point, its time to look up! Change your thinking, transform your life. The choice has always been our own.

"Set yourself free from your addictions"

 

There are many ways to get help if you're in need of it. Some places cost money, some places are free. Because the state of our outlook about our lives depends on our perception of it, its important to remember that there is always hope, there is always help. You have to make the move for yourself in order to get the tools you need to work through the problems you're facing.

 

The wonderful thing about life is WE CAN ALWAYS CHANGE. Sometimes things happen in our lives that make us feel useless, hopeless or you may feel like its just not worth living. But you're wrong. We are put here, in this life, for a very short time, when you consider the entire spectrum of the universe. What matters is what we do with the time we are given. Your life isn't meant to be lived in a chaotic, addictive, angry, hateful or unhappy state. You are a loving, giving, spiritual being.

 

Through self pity and a hopeless driven existence you've forgotten how wonderful of a human being you are. Sometimes people just don't want to be hurt so they hide away in addictions. They alienate themselves because they think they won't be hurt by anyone by being that way. But in reality, that person is actually hurting themselves and with some help and support, people in this state CAN change for the better. And live a much more positive life that they truly desire.

 

 

 

So reach out, take it upon yourself to get the help you need. Stop doing things that are bad for you. Stop allowing addiction and falsehood to run your life. Once you believe that there is a better way, a happier way to exist, commit to the change. You can fight off the dependence of addiction, whatever it may be and let go of the fear that you can't live without it. Because you can. 

YOU WILL RISE.   

 

 

 

Copyright(c)2013. Rise! Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

Procrastination – Are we hard wired or is it by choice?

This character trait effects anyone. But are we hard wired or is it by choice? It is believed there are different levels of procrastination, some are more severe than others. Throughout our lives, we will come across circumstances where we have to complete a task, or finish something, we started. Sometimes we tend to put that off because we would rather be doing something more enjoyable. If whatever it is we're procrastinating about is something we find difficult or unpleasant to do, we tend to put it off for as long as we can. Not everyone is like that. There are some people that understand that they have to get done what has to be done, no matter what it is. Loose ends are not a part of their character makeup. Source: Widipedia (The Free Encyclopedia) states: In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of lower priority, or doing something from which one derives enjoyment, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time.

Some view procrastination as a form of laziness and they do seem to share similar characteristics such as unwillingness to act or lack of strong motivation. Perhaps it could stem from childhood upbringing, where a child is never taught the gratification of completing a task. It could be something that has to be done, that we may fear or be overwhelmed by. There are some people that enjoy the rush of chaos, and they wait until the last minute to get something done that has to be done right away. With the anticipation and urgency of having to take care of something that must be done. These kind of procrastinators enjoy the rush of adrenaline that one gets when in a hurry or when rushed to do something. Then there are people that think by not making a decision to complete a task absolves them from the responsibility of it. Which of course is not a good way of looking at completing things that must be done. It's kind of like having something floating around in your mind that you know must be taken care of, it must be removed from the to-do-list. Yet we let it just float around in there as we go about our day.

This could be the worst procrastination of all. When we have loose ends or leave things undone. For most people, it tends to weigh on their minds. This can cause us to be distracted and unfocused towards other tasks that may be more important or we must take care of, such as, our work, paying a bill or an immediate project. Of course, as busy as we all are during our days sometimes we have to put off until later things that should be done. So long as we get to it as soon as possible, we usually can take care of it and put it behind us and get it out of our mental folder. Have you ever noticed how relieved you feel after you've done a task that you have been procrastinating about completing? It seems like such a relief. You no longer have it in your mind and you're not distracted by remembering you have to take care of it because it's been done. I'm sure we all can remember times where we've said "Oh, shoot, I should've taken care that!"

Procrastination seems to be the type of character trait that will only cause us grief if we don't learn to overcome it or its not taken out of in our daily equation. It just seems to take up space in our minds or mental folders and that space could be taken up by much more happier, pleasurable memories or more productive things. Don't you think? When making a conscious decision to take care of something, it is by our sheer will that allows us to follow through and complete the task. You may find it better to do the tasks you dislike the most, or is most important, by completing it first. This will make the other less imperative tasks seem alot more appealing. So what's the difference between procrastinating and being lazy? Research shows that the actual act of procrastinating means putting off, suspending or delaying an action or task until a later time. Whereas laziness is refusing to act or inactivity resulting from a dislike of the activity or work. So even though procrastination and laziness are similar, they do have significant differences. So don't think just because someone procrastinates that they are lazy, there is a difference. What can you do about procrastination? You have to meet it face-to-face, one-on-one. Allowing it to linger will only make it worse for yourself in the long run.

If you have the time in the day to take care of something, which you have been procrastinating about, then take care of it, get it done, get it behind you, be done with it. It's a matter of choice. Sometimes what we are procrastinating about we may find that it didn't even take that much time to do and may not even be that hard. When you're finished with the task, you'll realize, that wasn't that bad after all. That is what life is, we have free will to decide and choose how we live our lives. Although our basic characteristics and personalities are formed as children by our parents, siblings and friends. As we grow into an adult, we form our own points of view, our own ways of handling things and we are responsible for our actions in our own lives. It is truly up to our individual selves how we will handle procrastination in our lives. But first you have to acknowledge that you do procrastinate. Like any bad habit or addiction, we have to acknowledge that it exists. After that first step is taken, we can then move on to improving that area of our lives, which is procrastination. Write this rule down and repeat it every time you think you are procrastinating about something. "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can achieve today." You will be less stressed, happier and a more content person in doing so. Thanks for reading. Enjoy the day.

 Copyright(c)2013.Procrastination – Are we hard wired or is it by choice? Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.

Self Pity (The Emotional Parasite)

                                     

*Self-pity is a parasite that feeds on itself. Many of us are inclined towards self-pity, not allowing for the balance of life's natural tragedies. We will face good and bad times--and they will pass. With certainty they will pass. The attitude "Why me?" hints at the little compassion we generally feel for others' suffering. Our empathy with others' even our awareness of their suffering, is generally minimal. We are much too involved in our own. Were we less self-centered, we'd see that blessings and tragedies visit us all in equal amounts.  Some people respond to their blessings with equanimity, and they quietly remove the sting from their tragedies. We can learn to do both. Recovery is learning new responses, feeling and behaving in healthier ways. 

We need not get caught by self-pity. We can always feel it coming on. And we can always let it go. Self-pity may beckon today, fortunately, we can learn that we have other choices.
(*The above paragraph, excerpt was taken from the wonderful book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey.)

 

"Why does this happen to me? Nothing ever goes right!"

We all have at some point in our lives had this emotion of "self pity." It is emotionally draining. Like a parasite feeding on our emotions. Its a human or natural emotion brought on by sadness, things not working out the way we'd like them to, self doubt and even by other people. Even though we all have the ability to swing down into self pity, we shouldn't. Self pity can cause a clean/sober person to fall back into their addiction. It can also cause a person whom never had an addiction to start one. Its a "negative emotion."  But it doesn't have to lead to a negative outcome for us.  Don't confuse Self-pity with Grief. Grief is feelings that accompany any kind of loss. Feelings of loss and to mourn the loss. Unlike Self Pity which is feelings of shame or guilt that is a result of deeper, more painful feelings that seem impossible for a person to reveal, even blocking or surpressing any chance of a positive outcome.  

 

Sometimes when we try to listen and then help someone, by showing them that they're allowing self pity to get the better of them, can cause them to become angry. This is due to shame, guilt or hiding of hurtful unexpressed feelings. Emotional pain that leads us to block the helpful or positive feelings that can help us to feel better.  Self pity can cause us to hide the feelings that we feel are shameful. Its also an addictive emotion, at times giving us a sense of pleasure, hiding us from reality.  As human beings, we have free will, which allows us to make choices in our lives. Remember its us, ourselves that can direct our own thinking and thought patterns.  The worse thing you can do to yourself is allow others to direct how you feel. That can be extremely destructive emotionally for anyone.

 

Learning how not to allow self pity to take control everytime things seem difficult or insurmountable will be key to developing a sense of a positive outlook, understanding and confidence.  Being a good listener to those who are in the self pity state of mind is very helpful. Respecting the self pity sufferer's privacy is paramount.  In other words keep it private, don't go telling everyone. Once that person has purged or expressed their deep emotional pain to you, then you can begin to help them heal by suggesting a positive resolve to their emotional dilemma.  At all costs don't become so emotionally involved that you could fall into shame or self pity youself due to what you may hear your suffering friend tell you. Have empathy, be realistic and find the positive side to whatever the solution could be. Help and encourage your friend or loved one to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In doing this you can help the self pity sufferer onto the road of healing and recovering and you'll feel gratified that you were able to help. You'd be suprised at the healthy results of a good listener and positive input. Hug each other and go about your day.

 

 

Copyright(c)2013. Self Pity(The Emotional Parasite)Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

 

   

 

 

Advertising verses Inner Beauty? How it effects our self-image.

   ("Do I look as good as that woman in that commercial?")

One of the biggest struggles facing young people today, is self-image. Everywhere you look, on TV, on billboards, in magazines, videos, movies, 90% of the time it's all beautiful perfect people. Advertising verses inner beauty and self-image all of the time. This suffocating display of everyone being perfect or beautiful, can be very difficult for young people. Especially during junior high and high school years for both boys and girls. Girls worry about being popular, being pretty enough, having the nice clothes, having the prettiest accessories. Whereas boys, although not shown as much, they have to be worried about being cool, hanging with the coolest guys, and when old enough having the coolest car. It just seems to be all material things and outer image. Of course in reality, eventually, this is not the way it is. Somewhere long ago, someone decided that being the perfect, sexiest, handsomest, prettiest, skinniest, finest looking human being, is the best way to sell things, and it's worked, quite well, all this time. How many times have we thought about buying a product and thinking to ourselves that we will get the same results as what we saw in that advertising? You know you did that too..LOL!

Some advertising has used average people, older folks, mothers with their children, dads with their kids and pets, in an attempt to make the people watching, believe that this advertiser is just like them. The "average folk." That advertising technique works too in a lot of cases. But all in all, these advertising's and commercials are really after one thing, and that is to get the public to buy their product. Some advertising is very funny or have a catchy tune. Those are the ones people seem to remember the most. You can believe these advertisers who create these commercials know this. But just what are these advertisers saying to people that are subjected to the falsity that in order to get the same results or work as well, you have to look as good as those models do on television, have the same great looking car, or beautiful clothes. Sure..everyone wants to look great, but at what price and stress-level does it cost our young people in today's materialistic society? Everyday people are getting ready for work, school, going out and visiting with friends, just being in the public eye. They change outfits, change shoes, put on makeup, spray cologne or perfume and primp, guys do this too, just not as extravagant, to make themselves look as good as possible, all in the effort of being attractive or sexy.

I'm not saying we should all walk around smelly, dirty and grungy looking. Eeeeww! Although for some people that seems to be their way. I just think that in our country, and in many societies, we put way too much emphasis on the outer beauty of things instead of looking inside where beauty is found, is made and lives. There's nothing wrong with having nice things. Things that we've worked for, bought with our hard earned money, built up from nothing. Things that we enjoy, and things that make our lives filled more with gratitude, than vanity. I just think that young people are faced with more materialistic stress then necessary and it's greatly due to the falsehood of advertising and commercials that our children are subjected to on a daily basis. We probably will never get rid of this type of advertising either. So what can we do or how can we help our children? It's up to the parents to teach their children not to be so vain or gullible about what they see advertised. For some young people, they will have to learn this lesson on their own because their own parents are very materialistic. Which makes it even harder for them to learn this life lesson. When we teach our children to believe in themselves, teach them to have good character, to know that they are just as good as anyone else, but not better than everyone else, to be humble, it makes it easier for that child to grow up with a sense of assurance and belief in themselves. Without having to adorn an overpriced, unrealistic result of a product they saw advertised.

Young people that are raised with self-assurance tend to stay in focus as to who they are as an individual all through their lives. Even when people are trying to "find themselves," having been taught self-assurance, will usually lead that person back to their right path. Instead of falling by the wayside trying to keep up with all the falseness in advertising, that they believe may be true. But sad to say, there will be those who will not learn this life lesson. What you will find when people do not learn this life lesson is they become very vain, materialistic and self absorbed. They worry about every little sign that may cause them imperfection. They may even become bitter or angry about the fact that they are no longer able to look like all that false advertising that they grew up believing was true. So the lesson here is, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look good so long as it is not done out of self-serving vanity or being conceited. Being happy and self accepting has always given us an outward glow of beauty, whether we have the most current fashion line or not. Realizing that beauty comes from within, believing in our own abilities and character that is what will shine through from the inside out. That will give us the true beauty within ourselves instead of what we find in all that surface falsehood. That is "true beauty." Food for thought. :)

　

　
Copyright(c)2013. Advertising verses Inner-Beauty? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Self Acceptance - Builds Inner Strength

I love the writings of Karen Casey in her book: Each Day A New Beginning. Here she writes about Acceptance. God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Many times, yesterday, last week, today and even tomorrow, we'll come..face to face with a seemingly intolerable situation. The compulsion to change the situation, to demand that another person change the situation is great. What a hard lesson it is to learn we can change only ourselves. The hidden gift in this lesson is that as our activities change, often the intolerable situations do too. Acceptance, after a time, smooth all the ripples that discourage us. And it softens us. It nurtures wisdom. It attracts joy and love from others. Ironically, we often try to force changes that we think will loosen love and lessen struggle. Acceptance can do what our willpower could never accomplish. As we grow in wisdom, as we grow in understanding, as we realize the promises of this, we'll stand ready, as an individual, to weather all our personal storms. Like the willow in the wind, we'll bend rather than break. And we'll be able to help others become wise through our example.

So many people, at one time or another, try to find ways to feel complete. To be accepting of things can help our journeys be more enjoyable. It all starts within ourselves. It doesn't hinder our abilities when we learn to accept. In essence acceptance relieves us of the pressures of trying to cope or deal with situations in which we would like to change but cannot. That doesn't mean we should accept all things. In no way is that meant. You can change yourself, your situation, increase your chances of being more accepting of yourself. There are things within our lives, in ourselves that we can change and knowing that we can change them is in essence acceptance. We accept the idea of changing for the better. We do the best we can to do so and we self-accept ourselves. When we make positive strides in our lives, be proud of yourself, be happy that you were able to make a change. Acknowledging that to yourself is key to self acceptance. Strive to be happy.


Copyright(c)2013.Written by Sherrie Vitello, excerpts from the book: Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey. All Rights Reserved.