Sometimes what we need is right in front of us.

  Today I woke up feeling rather down, I hated the idea that I might be slipping back into my state of depression, which I thought I had lost along time ago. I was affraid it had reared it's ugly head, and that I would feel like I use to when I thought nothing really mattered. I held my face in my hands and began to pray. I didn't want to go back to feeling that way. It terrified me to think that it could happen. I stopped myself from thinking negative and I thought; "Ok, what can I do that will make me feel better?" I knew I had to do my morning routine of exercising even tho' at that moment I really didn't feel like it.

I knew I had to be positive for my spouse, so he could go off to work feeling good about things at home. I dare not show him my worry. Not now! It's not that I can't talk to him about things like this, it's just that I knew if I started to tell him how bad I was feeling, it would bring him down too. He's always such a happy morning person. I love that about him. No...I was going to fight this off. I am determined to find a way to channel these negative feelings. So I got up and began my morning routine. After I was alone, I was still feeling down. I thought; "Ok...I'll get my day started."

I put on my workout clothes and began my morning exercise routine. I realized my heart wasn't into it. I made myself channel those negative feelings into my workout. I would breath-in a state of positive, relaxed emotion and breath out the negative, worried feelings. I really worked hard at focusing on that technique. Alittle more than 1/2 way through my workout I was surprised to notice that I began to feel better. I was actually feeling better...Yaaaay! I was really glad about that. I know when we exercise it causes our brain to release endorphines, the feel good hormones, and I think that's wonderful!

It's a good thing to get into an exercise routine. Not only will it help to keep us healthy but it truly is good for our mind and emotions. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't just start exercising yesterday, it's been about 8 months. The difference is this is one of the those times I actually was able to use my exercise routine to help remove negative feelings and create a more positive state of mind. I always felt good after I would exercise but this time it was different. It was actually like a cure for what was ailing me. If you just do stretching and flexibility exercises, yoga, pillates, or a higher impact exercise routine...

...once you get started I believe anyone will reap the benefits of this. It will make you feel grateful. I got started because I was putting on weight and I wasn't comfortable in my skin any longer. I needed a change, so I began to make changes in my diet and I began an exercise routine. I still have a ways to go until I'm satisfied with myself, but I know now that this is the way to go. Here I've been looking for ways to improve my life, myself, my outlook and it was right here in front of me all along. I guess what I'm trying to say is "sometimes we need something to help us and we don't realize that it's right in front of us." Amazing!  

                                                     Enjoy the day!

The Battle From Within

When I was a younger person, wild and full of life, I never thought of being older. I figured "then" it was to far away from me. For now at this point of my younger life I was not only young, bolder, vibrant and strong, I could not see the side of myself that would be my downfall.  What force could there be but my own. Nothing could harness the strong, able frame I've become. I could run, run far and strong, like a prancing horse on an open plain, then only to be settle and wait for another day. 

I could not be held, forced or driven to anything but by my own will. As I grew older I thought, how could I get ahead with my life, how can I make the grade. I thought nothing could harness my ambition. Nothing could...but something did. I grew emotionally crippled and fearful. I hadn't realized that I created my own monster. In many shades this monster came. In many forms it feasted on my spirit.

I could not lock it away or hide it from view. My shame although hidden, weighed me down like a ball and chain. I had to face my monster and deplete it of it's strength, so I could slay it, stop it, stamp it out of my mind, body and soul. I fought with all my inner strength and I reached down inside for more. More strength!  I allowed hate to take over.

I hated what this monster was doing to me, how it changed me. It's a trickster and gave me a false sense of self and security. My hatred for this monster became my motivation, so strong until I could wrench this monster off my back. I was sickened by the thoughts that filled my mind of how I once clinged to the effects this monster gave me. For a moment...I thought I can't live without it. I was wrong.

Once I had knocked the monster off, pushed it away, it took everything I had to grab hold, shake it loose, strangle it from my life and kill it's desire to destroy me from the inside out. Get rid of it's desire, once and for all. I've made it through the struggle, I've climbed out of the valley of self annhilation. The road I once trudged is no longer. I can stand up straight and carry myself with dignity. I can wake up free! No more monster on my back. I've beaten it

I now realized the power of my will. I now have a shield around me. The desire to destroy a monster before it destroys me. As hard as this was to accomplish I only had to reach down within myself and make the effort count. Stay true to my self discipline. Take heed to the words of others wisdom. Take pride in the strides of accomplishments. No matter how small, they all count.  So in other words, for those of you out there trying to stay clean, going to meetings, going to detox, don't quit...ever! Sometimes it may take 2 or 3 tries before getting it right...maybe even more, but you will get it right so long as you keep trying to change for the better. 
Enjoy the day!
Written by Sherrie Vitello



 

Achieve A State Of Happiness.

This is one subject that we all think about once in awhile, and I have found that altho' difficult, we can achieve a state of happiness so long as we direct our thinking to that state of mind.  Sometimes I'll watch these talk shows that are targeted towards helping people with concerns of being overweight, being self critical, not knowing how to solve their problems, feelings of depression etc. and the one thing I find about these people with these problems is that they don't seem to know that it's their own thoughts, their own ways of seeing themselves, their own ways of focusing on more negative thoughts than positive thoughts that make them feel so helpless or inadequate. 

Let's face it....when you wake up in the morning and the first thought on your mind is, "Oh no...another day..." that's a hum-drum negative response to greeting the new day. Whereas if you were to greet the new day with a positive note, like, "It's going to be a good day..." you would probably feel alot better about starting the day. It's all a matter of what you tell yourself...how you're going to feel everyday. 

You can wake up every morning and say to yourself..."I'm going to have a good day today" or you can say to yourself, "I'm going to feel bad today". It's really up to what we say to ourselves.

I call that "Self Talk".  Some people ask "What can I do to achieve a state of happiness?"  For one, they can start writing a daily journal, take the time to write how you feel about the people in your life, your family, your job, your hobby, what made you happy today, what made you mad. Do this for about 2 to 3 months, faithfully, then read over what you've written, and take note of the things that made you feel negative, sad or angry and you'd like to change. There's your list to start making positive changes to.  Start with one thing at a time, take small steps and remember you have to walk before you can run.

So don't be too hard on yourself, you're not going to fix everything in one day, one week or even one month, it's going to take time to change the pattern of your thinking, but it can be done. Start trying to radiate an outward feeling of happiness. Feelings that are positive and happy will show outwardly and can create happiness around you and others. Divert negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Develop a positive outlook towards yourself. If you're unhappy because you're overweight, or your life isn't unfolding the way you'd like it to, start to make positive changes to those undesirable feelings and make it a goal to change to positive results. 

Remember, it's how you "Self Talk" to yourself that will set the course of your thoughts which will make the pattern of the way you think, change for the better. Which will help you achieve a state of happiness. It will take some effort on your part, but don't give up, don't fall into the pattern of being emotionally lazy, keep working toward a better outlook. See yourself as a positive effect on your surroundings and you will acheive your desired state of mind.
"As a man thinketh...so is he". Enjoy the day!

Wriiten by Sherrie Vitello

Angel or Devil on my Shoulder...?

Sometimes I really wonder if I had an Angel or a Devil on my shoulders'.  How many of you have felt that way or asked yourselves the same question?  When a person is addicted to drugs or alcohol (or both), it seems like there IS an Angel and  a Devil on there shoulders'.  I think back to my own experiences I went through when I was addicted to drugs and alcohol and the struggle I went through knowing what I was doing to myself, and my loved ones.

Although it's been over 5 years that I've lived a clean and sober life, I sure am glad I had that Angel. At those times of my "downside of life" I can remember doing things that I would have never done on a clean/sober mind.

I cringe when I think of the stupid, senseless, things I did that could have got me in alot of trouble, and I cry when I think of the times I stole money from my loved ones. I can't believe I gave into temptation so easily, I can't believe I did those things.

I know in recovery we're not suppose to think we'll never be that way again......but I have to tell you, it'll be a cold day in hell before I go back to being an addict.  I mean that with all of my heart and strength.  I'm sure some of you out there feel the same way and have had the same type of experiences. Or maybe you're still going through those experiences because you're just not ready to stop the craziness of being an addict.

You might even think you can't exist without your drug of choice or drink of choice.  Well, until you get sick of being sick and tired of your life just not working for you, you'll have that Devil on your shoulder until you change. There will always be a struggle between good and bad.  When you first start out to change your life to a clean/sober life, it's hard, I 'm not going to sugar-coat it, but with support, you can become stronger towards the cravings, you can learn to turn away from the triggers and that Angel...just gets stronger and stronger.

Some folks out there can never turn away from there addictions because they have led that way of life for so long....without professional and medical help, they probably wouldn't last too long on the clean/sober side of life. But even they can change their lives. The power of the mind can be a very formidable component to changing ones life. 

We all know that somethings in life are just too much to bare sometimes and we actually convince ourselves that there is no way out. But to all of you just starting to get clean, remember, you've already taken the first big step in improving your way of life. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep heading in 'THAT' same direction.

You'll see, you'll get to the point where you'll look back on your life and you'll wonder...."wow, was I really like that..?"  Let that be the motivation you need to stay clean and sober.  It does get better. Time does heal. We can become stronger in our convictions to live a clean and sober life, we can be happy.

Enjoy the Day.

To all my visitor's please take into consideration that the Angel and Devil description used in this post is used as a metaphor to describe the struggle of becoming clean and sober.

 

A Moment of Inspiration......

A SISTER'S LOYALTY                                                                          Sisters Gina, Celeste and Michelle

Now it's time to face the truth

Though I'd rather keep my youth.

Have to hold her hand through this
Till she finds the piece that fits.

This may bruise her soul, so deep
She may never get to sleep
                                                            
Will this lesson turn her head?
Or will she feel inside so dead?

                                                                                                              
Too soon to see the reasons, why?
Too close I feel the loss and cry.

The only reason I am here

To help her look till she sees clear.                                                      

Though my insides shatter

Thoughts of what could be

It really doesn't matter

It's not my task to see.

Just to be there for her                                                                  

As her sister and her friend
Even though I don't always agree                                                   
I'll see her to the end.

Taken from the wonderful book: Through This Addicts Eyes, by Celeste Vitello

High Expectations.

For those of us who have had to deal with being let-down by our expectations, this article is for you. I'm positive that we have all been let-down at onetime or another because we didn't get what we expected.  As we have come to stop abusing ourselves with drugs and alcohol, we sometimes expect our lives to become this magical, wonderful place to be, right away. It's like trying to win the Indy500 with a racecar that has fouled sparkplugs. We have to remember, for all the time we spent using, we also closed off alot of the things that could have made our lives better.  Sometimes we probably didn't even realize just how messed up our lives became while abusing ourselves. 

Although some of us were functioning addicts...we believed we were doing just fine when we had our drugs or had our drinks.  Until the next time we ran out of our drugs, or didn't have our drinks.  We had gotten so clouded by our addiction that we lost the true perception of the world around us.  We don't really realize that until we're clean and sober just how clouded we truly were.  We have to remember that it took us time to get that way and it's going to take some time to get back on the right path and begin to see our lives in a more positive light.  But it does happen. 

The best way to get through this, without relapsing, is talking about it to others and learning that it's not just you that has had this problem.  You can also read up on how to motivate yourself.  I believe that if we surround ourselves with positive outllooks and attitudes that we will attract the positive things in the universe. Plus we must also learn that negative things do happen at times, and we must learn to cope and deal with the negative things using a positive resolve.  It's like having the attitude that we are not going to let any negative things turn us back into those addicts we once were. 

So don't be affraid to make goals and stick to them in order to improve your life.  Sure you may have some set-backs, but that doesn't mean you have to regress back to your addictive ways.  Realize it's going to take some time for you to re-establish relationships, of any kind, that you may have damaged during your addictive times.  Know that this can be accomplished by the actions we take now once you've made the decision to break away from your addictions.  Like I tell my daughters even to this day, "Believe in yourself, do your best, and you'll be alright."  I find that to be so very true.  Until next time, enjoy the day. 

  

Curbing That Anger....

I believe we all know what it's like to get mad, angry!  Sometimes anger can be the cause for us to relapse. Especially when we are first starting to get clean.  You know that saying "count to 10" or "take a walk" as ridiculous as that sounds, it can actually help us to stop and think before we say something we might regret.  Plus don't forget the effects anger has on our blood pressure.  Take a moment to calm yourself before you communicate what you need/want to say. 

Sometimes it can be difficult to make good decisions when we're angry, so be sure 'not' to make life altering decisions when you're angry, give yourself time to sort through the anger and try to empathize.  It would also be a good idea to find out the root of the anger, whether you're dishing it out or receiving it from someone.

                                                                                                         

Changing how we think is key to helping us as we learn to become unaddicted.  Although anger is a normal emotion and feeling it makes us know we still have feelings, it can still lead to negative outcomes if we don't learn to channel it.  I have learned that anger is a good motivator, it can assert us to get into action.  Have you ever gotten angry at someone or something?  Think about all that energy you're using to feel that angry-emotion, now, what if you learned to channel that energy of anger-emotion towards something you need to accomplish?  

That is a great way to dissolve the negative feelings and channel them or turn them into something positive.  If you have too much trouble doing that on your own, you may need some counseling to help you regulate and to help you learn to control that anger.  Counseling can be going to a meeting and sharing your problem, or going to a counselor and speaking to them one on one.  Either way, it's a good idea for people with anger issues to find ways to curb that anger. 

Remember when you're just beginning to change your old ways of addiction to a clean way of living,  for most of us,  it's going to be an emotional roller-coaster for awhile.  But it's not permanent.  You will begin to feel better emotionally and physically.  Especially if you begin focusing on your health, diet and physical fitness.  You can live a clean life,  you can learn not to be angry,  you can feel good about who you are,  and you can be happy.