"I look inside myself to find my peace"


The Battle From Within

When I was a younger person, wild and full of life, I never thought of being older. I figured "then" it was to far away from me. For now at this point of my younger life I was not only young, bolder, vibrant and strong, I could not see the side of myself that would be my downfall.  What force could there be but my own. Nothing could harness the strong, able frame I've become. I could run, run far and strong, like a prancing horse on an open plain, then only to be settle and wait for another day. 

I could not be held, forced or driven to anything but by my own will. As I grew older I thought, how could I get ahead with my life, how can I make the grade. I thought nothing could harness my ambition. Nothing could...but something did. I grew emotionally crippled and fearful. I hadn't realized that I created my own monster. In many shades this monster came. In many forms it feasted on my spirit.

I could not lock it away or hide it from view. My shame although hidden, weighed me down like a ball and chain. I had to face my monster and deplete it of it's strength, so I could slay it, stop it, stamp it out of my mind, body and soul. I fought with all my inner strength and I reached down inside for more. More strength!  I allowed hate to take over.

I hated what this monster was doing to me, how it changed me. It's a trickster and gave me a false sense of self and security. My hatred for this monster became my motivation, so strong until I could wrench this monster off my back. I was sickened by the thoughts that filled my mind of how I once clinged to the effects this monster gave me. For a moment...I thought I can't live without it. I was wrong.

Once I had knocked the monster off, pushed it away, it took everything I had to grab hold, shake it loose, strangle it from my life and kill it's desire to destroy me from the inside out. Get rid of it's desire, once and for all. I've made it through the struggle, I've climbed out of the valley of self annhilation. The road I once trudged is no longer. I can stand up straight and carry myself with dignity. I can wake up free! No more monster on my back. I've beaten it

I now realized the power of my will. I now have a shield around me. The desire to destroy a monster before it destroys me. As hard as this was to accomplish I only had to reach down within myself and make the effort count. Stay true to my self discipline. Take heed to the words of others wisdom. Take pride in the strides of accomplishments. No matter how small, they all count.  So in other words, for those of you out there trying to stay clean, going to meetings, going to detox, don't quit...ever! Sometimes it may take 2 or 3 tries before getting it right...maybe even more, but you will get it right so long as you keep trying to change for the better. 
Enjoy the day!
Written by Sherrie Vitello


No comments:

Post a Comment

We appreciate your comments.