Entitlement - A Priviledge or A Problem?

What does entitlement mean to you?  For many of us it means giving ourselves a privilege or reward that we believe we deserve or we've earned. Usually its something material. We usually feel entitlement when we've done something that makes us feel we should be rewarded for our efforts, in some way, besides monetary. The actual definition of the word entitlement is: right granted by law or contract, especially a right to benefits, the act of entitling, the state of being entitled. For those in recovery, for whatever type of addiction, entitlement can be a priviledge or a problem. We all tend to elaborate on that definition of the word entitlement and we take it to a level that appeases us. How many times have you said yourself, ".. I've done such a good job, I deserve a beer!.." or perhaps "..I've worked so hard today I deserve to buy myself something nice!"  When we work hard, we would like to have some sort of reward, besides what we've earned on a monetary basis. Something that we can reward ourselves for getting up and staying on top of all the things we do everyday. Now there's nothing wrong with that, except human beings almost always have the tendency to overextend or overdue their entitlement. One thing I've seen in people along my journey in life is people take so much for granted. As wonderful as we all are, entitlement is right up there with being taken for granted by all of us at some time or another. We justify it by telling ourselves, we deserve it. Now going on vacation, when we can, to renew and refresh ourselves, to get away from it all. There's nothing wrong with that. Thats one of the best things we can do for ourselves. It's awesome when we can do that especially with good friends and loved ones. So long as we don't over do our entitlement. Its very uplifting for anyone.

It becomes a problem when we believe entitlement should be our reward or should be available to us at anytime and for some people with addictive thinking it can cause a relapse back into their addiction. Believing there is no harm in just this one time. It becomes wrong when our sense of entitlement is blown out of proportion and we use it to justify self serving desires or gluttony. Isn't it funny how our addictive thinking waits and hides in the depths of our minds and raises its ugly head when it knows we are about to treat ourselves because we feel entitled? Remember, addictions are not only drugs and alcohol, they are also sex, gambling, shopping, overeating too. People with addictions will always have a struggle with their addictive thinking throughout their lifetime. Of course the struggle gets easier to overcome the longer we stay away from the things that cause us to be addicts. Our thinking has changed for the positive. We become stronger at subduing our addictive thinking. But for some, there are times they tend to lean back on what they may have had as an addiction as a form of entitlement once in a while. What happens is you may start out with your addictive thinking by just having one drink or a taste of your doc, just one turn at the craps table, overextending your credit card for that one little item you must have. Because you did such a great job that day, you feel you are entitled. And you notice that you feel relief, better after having that one drink, that little taste of your doc, that one throw of the dice at the craps table, just that one item that won't overextend your credit card too much. All these things we think to ourselves, because we feel we have entitlement and are entitled. So the next couple of days go by, you do your routine, you work hard, get things done and in the evening when you're relaxing you say to yourself, "..I did such a great job today, I deserve a reward, perhaps a drink...but just one!"  You proceed to have your one drink. It feels good! The alcohol hits your nervous system, it relaxes you, you think "..wow, it's amazing..it's like a prescription medication how it affects you." It was just one drink.

So the next day goes by, you worked hard, got a lot of good stuff done today. You think you have it all under control. You convince yourself to fall back on that one drink, once again, your doc, one more throw of the dice, one more item on the credit card, even overeating because you've earned it. Now because you've been clean/sober for a while, the tools you've learned in recovery and you've used them all this time to stay away from your addiction. You start to realize what you're doing is wrong. Because we've learned to love ourselves, even guilt creeps in our minds about it. You've convinced yourself that "just one" won't hurt. You walk a fine line believing that you can be like people who are not addicts, who don't suffer from an addictive nature. You think you no longer have an addiction, you can control the side of you that is addictive thinking. For most people in recovery, there will always be addictive thinking at some point. Time has gone by, having a sense of entitlement has happened quite a few times. By now, that entitlement, has become 4 or 6 drinks, a few more hits of your doc, more times at that craps table, overeating things you shouldn't eat a few more times. You see the progression. The proverbial addictive snowball at the top of the hill is starting to roll down on you.
If you haven't stopped already, you know its better to stop now! That's when you realize the way you think about entitlement is corrupted by your addictive thinking. People who are no longer addicts, even after so long of being away from their addiction, like a computer file, the way some people see the entitlement process has been corrupted. It's something we all have to work on and learn not to allow our addictive thinking to control what we are entitled to give ourselves or do for ourselves as a form of reward or gratitude. For these people, it's a work in progress that will last their entire lives. The best thing to do is get a handle on it, own it, embrace it, stay a step ahead of it and help others who are just coming into the front door of recovery as they make their way through their positive changes and out to the backyard where seasoned recoveree's already stand.  

Copyright(c)2014.Entitlement-A Priviledge or A Problem? Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved. 

Joy In Living

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only within yourself. (by Chief Tecumseh)

Starting the day with a positive thought sets the tone for everything that follows. Instead of focusing on your troubles and worries, we can think about our blessings. How lucky we are to have a warm, dry place to sleep, good food to eat, nice clothes to wear, a job to go to, family and friends to support us, a new day to enjoy, fresh air to breath. And most of all how lucky we are just to be alive.

"I will take a few minutes when I first wake up to think about the many good things in my life" (by Linda Picone - The Daily Book of Positive Quotations) 

Sometimes we may feel as though we don't have anything to be happy about. Everything feels like a hassle or is not working out. Grant it, sometimes life can feel like a real pain for us. Now take a look at those couple of sentences. The operative word being used is the word: feel. When we feel a certain way its our thoughts or emotions that determine how we feel about things. Since we can learn to control our emotions or direct how we think, it gives us the option to layout our attitude towards the day in a positive light. Its actually up to each of us, how we see each day upon rising. If you are unhappy about your life, stop looking to find fault and make the changes necessary to make your life a better place for yourself. If you're in a situation that is negative get on a plan to get out of it! If you dislike your job, first off, think where you would be without it and if you must, start looking for another job. But don't dwell in the swirl of angry thinking or feelings of depression. In reality that form of negative thinking only surpresses your abilities to work things out for the positive. If its too overwhelming, you may need counseling to help give you a hand up and out of the rut you're in. Eitherway, its important to always see the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how dark your life may feel for you. Remember how you think creates your life. If you continually think negative, you will feel negative, your life will be negative and negative things will be attracted to you like a magnet. Instead deal with what disrupts your happiness and turn it around so you can exist peacefully.. hence happier. Its up to each of us to plot the course of how our lives will be each day. So be the captain of your life, think positive about yourself and your life, steer away from negatives, be the captain of your spirit and enjoy the day. You only have one life to live, to the best of your ability, why not make it a positive and happy life for yourself and your family?

 

Copyright(c)2014.Joy In Living.Created by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Thoughts As You Walk

Sometimes life can feel like a mean step parent. I mean for most of us, we wake up each day, do our routines every morning. We rush through something we call breakfast and we set off for the day. Research shows that breakfast should be the healthiest and best meal of the day. Its our fuel for energy and focus. Most of us have a job so we go to work. We get into our vehicles and crank them over never once thinking how fortunate we are to have it. Have you checked the oil, radiator fluid or tire pressure lately? Its good to do that on a weekly basis. Keep up the maintenance of your vehicle and it'll always take good care of you. Some of us take a bus never thinking how lucky we are that they exist. Walking to the bus stop did you even once take in the brisk morning air and thought how good it feels to be alive and healthy? Did you happen to see the hawks flying above your head? Or were you too busy hating the idea of having to walk to a bus stop to get to your job that you really didn't like anyway. You're thinking, the sooner you get to work, the sooner you can get the day behind you. Always feeling a little happier about work on pay days. Do you ever stop to think about the abundance of beauty there is all around you? The oxygen filtering trees in a courtyard or how crystal blue the sky looks today. The innocent beauty in the smile of child. Or even the musical laughter of children at play. The kindness of a stranger. 

We humans are excellent at taking things for granted. We've done it so well for so long that we don't even realize we're doing it. It becomes like breathing. For so many they've forgotten what "natural beauty" really is. Its not some airbrushed attractive picture on the cover of a magazine. Everyone has become so focused on material things and making money. So much so that they've become blinded to true values. Its not our fault that the powers that be are the ones feeding us the spiel that money is all. We've become so jaded to the subliminal persuasion we don't even question it. Having money is good when utilized properly and not squandered on material lusts. Having what we need to live, paying our bills, buying healthy foods is good. When money is looked at as a source of power and greed it becomes evil. But when money is used as a tool to live and help others it becomes a blessing. So its up to you how you see it and use it. Selfishness seems to override generosity more than not. People in general have forgotten how to be generous because so many times in history when people were generous towards others, they were taken for granted. It has left a sour taste in the mouth of generosity. But with good judgement on our side generosity can thrive once more in our circles. 

With the freedoms of differences we have in our societies today, everyone should look at the world as if it were a field of flowers. So many beautiful kinds of flowers, so many beautiful colors. Like us we are many different beautiful kinds of people and many beautiful different colors. There should be no room for hate. Hate is a seed that leads to destruction. It conceals and obscures the security of peace which should exist across our entire planet. I think and believe people are products of their own environment. I also believe they can choose to change it. But many choose to stay in that mindset. Some people just don't think they can ever change their circumstances, thats wrong thinking. We have the power within ourselves to change and get out from beneath negative circumstances. But we have to work at it to make it happen. If you believe you cannot change your world then you have deemed it so and it will not change for you. To much talk, thoughts as you walk.

Copyright(c)2014.Thoughts As You Walk. Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved. 

Fear - You Will No Longer Control Me

We see it all of the time. With friends and family that are into something that just causes them pain and suffering. We wonder to ourselves why on earth are they still in the situation they are in? Could it be that they are happier in misery? Perhaps. But for the most part it could be that these people, in these unhappy and unhealthy situations, just don't know how to get out of them or they are afraid to take steps on their own to change for the better. Mainly due to the fear that it wouldn't work out on their own or they just can't accomplish surviving on their own. By feeling that way these people think its safer to stay where they are. Without realizing they have placed themselves their lives and their happiness in a dormant state. Allowing fear to take center stage they decide to stay in a unhealthy, unhappy relationship. People who do this are actually not allowing themselves the chance to live a happy life. Because the main root of why they don't change their situation is due to the fear of failure. They are too afraid to take the steps that are necessary to better their lives. We all have fear to some degree due to the unknown. But when we want something so badly, we can taste it, people can learn to overcome that fear. We can learn to prevent fears or anxiety(because they go hand in hand), mostly unrealistic fears, from controlling the outcome of what we are aspiring to do. Its time to stop ruining your own quality of life. A beautiful saying I came across always helps me to get passed any fear (or anxiety) I may have about accomplishing something. I love this saying so much, I keep it written on a peice of paper and taped to my bathroom mirror. I use it as a positive affirmation to help me start my day. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important." 

There are some people that have no fear or anxiety about much of anything. For these people everything is a personal challenge. Like the quotation above to them situations are seen as their call to action that something must change. People with this personality usually have high self esteem and they make it a point to overcome any circumstance or overcome any challenge. As far as any measurement as to how many people in our society are like this remains unknown. For the most part most people will be a victim of their own fears or anxiety at some point of their lives. The levels of fear will differ in all of us. For some its very low but for others it can be on a high level and interfere with their daily lives. Studies have shown the relations among fear, anxiety and stress can be a precursor to health issues. This can effect our blood pressure, our cortisol levels in the body which can cause weight gain and due to fear and anxiety causing stress, has been related to illness. Also for people who are healing from an illness i.e. cancer or healing from surgery, having an overactive level of fear or anxiety can prevent a person from healing faster. It may even cause complications. The more we've learned about the effects of fear on our bodies the more questions we seem to have about it. Long ago when humans were first living on the earth, their brains used the flight or fight response, which is another form of fear, to help them to survive. For other mammals, it is still very apparent today. But for humans, we've grown away from that to some degree because of how we've advanced in our existence. And the fact that there are no longer giant creatures looking to eat us. Even though some creatures from way back then still exist today, they are not as big nor do they look to hunt us. So long as we don't get near them. 

There is help for those who have acknowledged that there is a problem. Some people can get counseling. Some people may have to use medications to help them with their fears or anxiety. But all of us can actually help ourselves overcome this crippling affliction of fear. It starts with acceptance and acknowledging that time has come to change. You deserve the chance to be as happy as any other person, no matter what their lifestyle is like. Fear is not prejudice and it doesn't care who you are or what walk of life you're in. All it wants to do is destroy your happiness and even your health. When we look at fear for what it is, as a disease of our emotions, we can set a course for a healthy prognosis. But we have to work at it and it will most likely be an everlasting affliction. However, with proper application of rendering fear helpless, we can overcome the control it has on us. One thing you can do right now is go stand in front of your mirror, tell yourself, "Fear you will no longer control me, I love myself, I trust myself, I respect myself. I have worth and value as a human being."  Write that down and the above affirmation about courage. Then tape it to your mirror and read it out loud every single morning and in the evening before bed. Read the sentence then look into your eyes and repeat it. As you keep doing this action your brain begins to wrap itself around your words and you will begin to understand and apply the meaning of what you say to yourself every day in that mirror. In doing so you will begin to think that way. You will begin to change in your thinking. In reference to all people the quote "As a man thinketh, so is he." (Or as written in the book: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth - Proverbs 23:7 -"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.") No matter what you believe those few words are true to form.

Copyright(c)2014.Fear-You Will No Longer Control Me.Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

My Friend Dean's Views On The Pursuit Of Happiness.

What do you believe are the keys to your own happiness?

Many believe that we can obtain happiness through material things we buy ourselves, gifts we are given, or the money we earn. But that way of thinking is fallible. Take a moment to listen to this video and see if you see yourself in some the examples Dean talks about. He's a young guy that has alot of insight about many things. This is one video that can make you think about how you see your own state of happiness. In its brief presentation you may learn that what you thought about what happiness was is not what you thought it was at all. Enjoy the video and please leave a comment if you like. Enjoy the Day!                          

Self Esteem - It makes us who we are

Self-esteem is a term in psychology that reflects a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. A person’s self concept consists of the beliefs one has about oneself, one’s self perception. Self esteem is that part of our emotional make up that makes us who we are. When we have healthy self esteem we are capable of achieving almost anything we set our minds to doing. Our self esteem is like a lighter that sets off the fire in our emotional furnace. When we are young our feelings get hurt more easily because we have not yet learned how to deal with hurt feelings. Usually a loving hug from mom and dad, some words of encouragement, would make things all better. As we grow older we learn to handle hurt feelings, for the most part, more maturely. But the road to that maturity isn't always easy. There is and will always be bumps in the road that will test our self esteem. When someone treats us badly we can either handle it with a grain of salt and carry on or we feel hurt, angry and uncertain why we were treated that way. We pretend it doesn't bother us but when we're alone thinking, it can bring you down. If there's one thing you take away from this article remember "no one can make you feel bad about how you see yourself except you."  The meaning of that one sentence can take some people many years to grasp. There is always circumstances that will test character. With the correct outlook towards these challenges you can overcome many circumstances the can lead to having a healthy self esteem. Tweens and young teenagers are more effected by low self esteem. At that age they are discovering who they are and learning about so many things that effect their emotional growth. It can be a difficult stage for anyone at that age. Peer pressure, bullies, abusive home life, negative feedback or no positive influence will effect young minds and could cause them to feel alienated, sorrowful, uncertain about their self worth. It could get so bad that they act out in very negative forms. This is why its a vital part of raising children that parents try to be the positive re-enforcement that children desperately require.

You may not have a huge hollywood home, you may not have boatloads of money, fancy cars, high fashion wardrobes or any of the material things that people think make them happy. You could have a cozy two bedroom home, a decent car that runs well, you buy discount clothes, discount foods, discount everything to save money. There's not a dam thing wrong about that. What matters is how you nurture and teach your children how to live a good solid life. How to respond to those negative events that can chip away at their self esteem. When you see your child down or upset, STOP whatever you are doing and talk "with" your child not at your child. Do your very best to be positive, encouraging, teach your children that its not the end of world when things seem bad for them. Just listen to them, let them express themselves. All parents should embrace their childrens troubles and help them to find a way to solve whatever may be upsetting them. In doing this it will teach your child to deal with the negatives of life and give them a sense of power. They will learn that they can overcome negative feelings that may otherwise turn inward. Even if your child goes off the beaten path, as they sometimes do, usually when they are nurtured and loved unconditionally they will find their way back to the path. This is something that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. So its important as a parent to remember that and follow through. Lets not forget about older folks either. Why are so many older people forgotten? Its as if their families think they are no longer of use or value. Of course, sadly their are older relatives or friends that require care due to diseases that may come with age. But for those who still have their health and minds about them, they can be very helpful when we need wisdom about life. For some people their self esteem is effected by the fact that they are growing older, no longer a young and vibrant person. Thats a hard pill to swallow because none of us want to really face that fact. It effects everyone. I suggest that we all try to age as vibrantly and healthy as possible. We learn to embrace the twilight seasons of our lives and we carry on as best we can. Some people will resort back to an age of youthful thinking to cope with the low tides of self esteem.

Some people will keep themselves rejuvenated and healthy so they can overcome the negatives that ride along side of aging. Some people will give up and become angry and unpleasant, because its difficult for them to except that they are growing older. Those who embrace the natural process of life will usually be more happier and positive about living. They will usually have a higher level of self esteem compared to a person who is in a negative state of mind. You are fortunate when you have family members that are in the golden years. Don't forget they've been around a lot longer than you and they've learned a lot about living life to the fullest. So don't neglect them, listen to them when they speak. Give them a hug to let them know they're loved and that you appreciate their wisdom. Share some happiness. Low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people. Especially those who experience depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. For these people its especially important for them to keep to a positive outlook as best as they can. Counseling is a useful avenue to take and for some medications can be helpful. Medical research has shown that a person with an illness or disease heals better even faster when they have a positive outlook and their self esteem is healthy. If you have a friend or relative that has a health issue like these be a good friend and visit them or call them and nurture their emotional health and self esteem. Not only will it uplift and help them to feel better it will make you feel good that you've helped someone in a time of need. Another way to improve your self esteem is to stop comparing yourself to other people. You are a unique individual and you have the power within yourself, by applying positive implementation to rise above the fall of low self esteem. But you have to practice and apply it for it to be successful for you.

There are endless factors that make up who we are, as an individual. When we compare ourselves to others we tend to focus on factors with envy not seeing our own good qualities. Stay aware of your own thinking. Don't let the negative talk in your head control who you really are as a person. Stay positive in thought. Keep thinking of your own good qualities, virtues and strengths. Fire the negative thoughts going on inside your mind. Make it a habit to praise your qualities and congratulate every victory no matter how small. Always consider the positive factors in your life. Practice this everyday especially when the chips are down. In doing so you can alter, change and overcome low self esteem and live for a better quality of life. Enjoy the day.

Copyrights(c)2014.Self Esteem-It makes us who we are. Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.

Anger - Dealing with the destructiveness of anger is key

I believe we all know what it's like to get mad or angry! Whether you are in recovery or not. Sometimes anger can be the cause for us to relapse. Sometimes anger can be the cause for people to create an addiction. Which ever place in life you are at learning to deal with the destructiveness of anger is key to feeling better. 

You know that saying "count to 10" or "take a walk" as ridiculous as that sounds, it can actually help us to stop and think before we say something we might regret. Plus don't forget the effects anger has on our blood pressure. Take a moment to calm yourself before you communicate what you need/want to say. It can be difficult to make good decisions when we're angry, so be sure 'not' to make life altering decisions when you're angry. Give yourself time to sort through the anger and try to empathize. It would also be a good idea to find out the root of the anger whether you're dishing it out or receiving it from someone.

Changing how we think is key to helping us as we learn to become unaddicted. Although anger is a normal emotion and feeling it makes us know we still have feelings, it can still lead to negative outcomes if we don't learn to channel it. I have learned that anger can be a good motivator. It can assist us to get into action. Have you ever gotten angry at someone or something? Think about all that energy you're using to feel that angry emotion. Now, what if you learned to channel that energy of anger-emotion towards something you need to accomplish?

That is a great way to dissolve the negative feelings and channel them or turn them into something positive. If you have too much trouble doing that on your own, you may need some counseling to help you regulate and to help you learn to control that anger. Counseling can be going to a meeting and sharing your problem, or going to a counselor and speaking to them one on one. Either way, it's a good idea for people with anger issues to find way to curb that anger.

Remember when you're beginning to change your old ways of addictive thinking to a clean way of living, for most of us, it's going to be an emotional roller-coaster for awhile. But it's not permanent. You will begin to feel better emotionally and physically. Especially if you begin focusing on your health, diet and physical fitness. You can live a clean life, you can learn how to control your anger and turn it so it works for you and not against you. You can feel good about who you are and you can be happy.


For more articles by this author visit: EzineArticles - Author Sherrie Vitello


Copyright(c)2014.Anger - Dealing with the destructiveness of anger is key.Written by Sherrie Vitello.All Rights Reserved.