TRUST - Is it Given or is it Earned?

Trust. Some would say its an emotion while others may say its a logical reference in how we feel towards another person. Then some would say it is both. But what and where does it actually stem from. When we meet someone new some people will use their first impression of that person as their directive to trust that person or not. No doubt sometimes those first impression are very accurate. We tend not to trust people right away. Then there is the other side to that. We may think that someone is not to be trusted or they seem unpleasant when in reality, this person has just lost a loved one, or perhaps they are having financial problems or someone just robbed their house, you get my drift. When these things happen to us none of us feel really good at that moment. Sometimes it can take a few days for the negative feelings to pass. Unless its down right obvious I don't think first impressions hold much worth when it comes to making a permanent conclusion about a person. When we trust ourselves we can trust others. This occurs because we know we will be alright even if that trust we've given to someone else was a let down.

Iyanla VanSant defines this perfectly when she wrote the following in her book: Until Today!  She states: "Trust is based on your ability to stand your ground and rely on your own abilities, knowing that no matter what happens, you will be better off than you were at the beginning.  Anything less than this is not trust."  Just think about that for a moment. That is a perfect definition of trust. So what about that saying; "trust is not a given, trust is earned."  Some would declare that statement as the holy grail saying for trust.  It is very accurate, no doubt. When we meet a person we tend not to trust them for fear of being lied to, let down or hurt by them.  We automatically grab hold of that holy grail saying in order to shield ourselves.  Our apprehension to trust is rooted on feelings of insecurity and ego.  While our ability to trust is founded in feelings of safety and acceptance. So when those lines are crossed we are left with emotional wounds that scar over to create a tuff emotional shield which we rely on to protect us over and over again. What happens when we rely on this shield is it tends to also create a distrust within ourselves.  The soul essence that we call trust resides within us. We decide to trust and what we have decided to believe is reflected.

Rhino represents fear, uncertainty, untrust.
Child represents all of us. Children of the
universe. 

We tend to be so wrapped up in ourselves, so self referencing, so insecure that we are driven to protect our ego's without question.  While instead we should allow and embrace trusting.  As we learn to trust more within ourselves we grow and become more confident, sure footed and above all happy.  There should always be a balance of trust that we give and trust that is earned.  In keeping to this balance it allows us to experience true essence of trust and to deflect the negatives that mistrust can cause us.  One thing is for sure there is most likely more positive experiences to come about when we trust ourselves and when we allow ourselves to trust others. When we feed our own trust and allow it to present itself, it will flourish in our lives and our spirit.  While on the other hand if we feed our own trust with poison of negativity, fear, resentment, then our trust will crust over and harden. Which will in turn lead us through our lives with fear, no base of assurance and no true self love or true happiness.  Because our thoughts create form on some level within. All that our physical experience is, is the reflection of our thoughts.  Enjoy the day.  

Copyright(c)2015. TRUST - Is it Given or is it Earned?Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.  

Self Esteem - It makes us who we are

Self-esteem is a term in psychology that reflects a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. A person’s self concept consists of the beliefs one has about oneself, one’s self perception. Self esteem is that part of our emotional make up that makes us who we are. When we have healthy self esteem we are capable of achieving almost anything we set our minds to doing. Our self esteem is like a lighter that sets off the fire in our emotional furnace. When we are young our feelings get hurt more easily because we have not yet learned how to deal with hurt feelings. Usually a loving hug from mom and dad, some words of encouragement, would make things all better. As we grow older we learn to handle hurt feelings, for the most part, more maturely. But the road to that maturity isn't always easy. There is and will always be bumps in the road that will test our self esteem. When someone treats us badly we can either handle it with a grain of salt and carry on or we feel hurt, angry and uncertain why we were treated that way. We pretend it doesn't bother us but when we're alone thinking, it can bring you down. If there's one thing you take away from this article remember "no one can make you feel bad about how you see yourself except you."  The meaning of that one sentence can take some people many years to grasp. There is always circumstances that will test character. With the correct outlook towards these challenges you can overcome many circumstances the can lead to having a healthy self esteem. Tweens and young teenagers are more effected by low self esteem. At that age they are discovering who they are and learning about so many things that effect their emotional growth. It can be a difficult stage for anyone at that age. Peer pressure, bullies, abusive home life, negative feedback or no positive influence will effect young minds and could cause them to feel alienated, sorrowful, uncertain about their self worth. It could get so bad that they act out in very negative forms. This is why its a vital part of raising children that parents try to be the positive re-enforcement that children desperately require.

You may not have a huge hollywood home, you may not have boatloads of money, fancy cars, high fashion wardrobes or any of the material things that people think make them happy. You could have a cozy two bedroom home, a decent car that runs well, you buy discount clothes, discount foods, discount everything to save money. There's not a dam thing wrong about that. What matters is how you nurture and teach your children how to live a good solid life. How to respond to those negative events that can chip away at their self esteem. When you see your child down or upset, STOP whatever you are doing and talk "with" your child not at your child. Do your very best to be positive, encouraging, teach your children that its not the end of world when things seem bad for them. Just listen to them, let them express themselves. All parents should embrace their childrens troubles and help them to find a way to solve whatever may be upsetting them. In doing this it will teach your child to deal with the negatives of life and give them a sense of power. They will learn that they can overcome negative feelings that may otherwise turn inward. Even if your child goes off the beaten path, as they sometimes do, usually when they are nurtured and loved unconditionally they will find their way back to the path. This is something that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. So its important as a parent to remember that and follow through. Lets not forget about older folks either. Why are so many older people forgotten? Its as if their families think they are no longer of use or value. Of course, sadly their are older relatives or friends that require care due to diseases that may come with age. But for those who still have their health and minds about them, they can be very helpful when we need wisdom about life. For some people their self esteem is effected by the fact that they are growing older, no longer a young and vibrant person. Thats a hard pill to swallow because none of us want to really face that fact. It effects everyone. I suggest that we all try to age as vibrantly and healthy as possible. We learn to embrace the twilight seasons of our lives and we carry on as best we can. Some people will resort back to an age of youthful thinking to cope with the low tides of self esteem.

Some people will keep themselves rejuvenated and healthy so they can overcome the negatives that ride along side of aging. Some people will give up and become angry and unpleasant, because its difficult for them to except that they are growing older. Those who embrace the natural process of life will usually be more happier and positive about living. They will usually have a higher level of self esteem compared to a person who is in a negative state of mind. You are fortunate when you have family members that are in the golden years. Don't forget they've been around a lot longer than you and they've learned a lot about living life to the fullest. So don't neglect them, listen to them when they speak. Give them a hug to let them know they're loved and that you appreciate their wisdom. Share some happiness. Low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people. Especially those who experience depression, anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. For these people its especially important for them to keep to a positive outlook as best as they can. Counseling is a useful avenue to take and for some medications can be helpful. Medical research has shown that a person with an illness or disease heals better even faster when they have a positive outlook and their self esteem is healthy. If you have a friend or relative that has a health issue like these be a good friend and visit them or call them and nurture their emotional health and self esteem. Not only will it uplift and help them to feel better it will make you feel good that you've helped someone in a time of need. Another way to improve your self esteem is to stop comparing yourself to other people. You are a unique individual and you have the power within yourself, by applying positive implementation to rise above the fall of low self esteem. But you have to practice and apply it for it to be successful for you.

There are endless factors that make up who we are, as an individual. When we compare ourselves to others we tend to focus on factors with envy not seeing our own good qualities. Stay aware of your own thinking. Don't let the negative talk in your head control who you really are as a person. Stay positive in thought. Keep thinking of your own good qualities, virtues and strengths. Fire the negative thoughts going on inside your mind. Make it a habit to praise your qualities and congratulate every victory no matter how small. Always consider the positive factors in your life. Practice this everyday especially when the chips are down. In doing so you can alter, change and overcome low self esteem and live for a better quality of life. Enjoy the day.

Copyrights(c)2014.Self Esteem-It makes us who we are. Written by Sherrie Vitello. All Rights Reserved.