Living An Unhappy Life - The Causes and Effects.

Someone once said - "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living." (Author Unkown)

A dear friend sent me this parable the other day and its been on my mind ever since. I keep seeing how it relates so well to those that are struggling with their happiness. What are the causes of them living an  unhappy life?  No matter what we say to those we care about, who are at a bad time in their life, its so hard sometimes to make one see a better way. Its actually heart wrenching to know that someone we love and care about is living a life of self destruction. So much so that they can't even see their own way out of it. What can we do for them? We can offer them support and guidance, hoping that it may help them, but unless these people change from within nothing we do will really help. Whatever our loved one may be suffering from that makes their lives miserable, the actual cause of it we can despise, but we shouldn't despise that person who is suffering from it. It could be happening to anyone of us. 

Even when we've tried so hard to help someone we care about that is struggling in their lives we eventually get that sinking feeling inside that we can't do anything more for them. We can find ourselves feeling at a loss, what do we do now? No one has the right answer here because we can't control people, not really. Unless they want to be controlled and those folks usually end up living in some controlling type situation somewhere. One thing is certain, we don't stop loving someone close to us that is living a life that is out of control. We offer comfort and support in anyway we can. We talk with them with love and concern. We keep telling them that things can be better for them. We show them the path to take and hope they'll take it. Most of all, for our own sanity and our own happiness, we can't blame ourselves for the way someone we love and care about has chosen to live.

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Parents can nurture, teach and love their children. Show them the right path to take. But it will be up to that child, once grown, they become responsible for their character and the way they live. That doesn't mean we should just not care about what happens to those we care about that have problems in their lives. Of course we care, we love this person. When we care deeply about someone who is having problems in their lives, it gives us an opportunity to help that person rebuild how they see things in their lives. Even words of encouragement can shine a light at the end of the tunnel for this person. Letting them know that there is a better way to live. There is hope.

Which brings me to how I interpret the parable above. Its important to understand that sometimes in our lives we need to turn and walk away from the lives we may be living. That which is causing us to be miserable. Some of the people in our lives that are dragging us down, influencing negative outcomes or surpressing our healthy attitudes are what I call, toxic people. We may even like these people, but they are contributing to how our lives are panning out and why our lives seem like they are going no where. Our circumstance of how we are living is also a factor as to why our lives seem hopeless, like its going no where fast. Same s**t different day kind of attitude towards living. This will also make us feel like our lives are just useless. But it isn't. Sometimes we just can't see clear or beyond it. It can be like we're falling into a black hole and see no way out. But there is. How?

By change. Change from focusing on the bad things in our lives and focus on the "what if" scenario. The possibilities instead of the obstacles. By that I mean, start thinking about 'what if' I try to feel better about myself, 'what if' I change my job for something more appealing to me, 'what if' I stop drugging or drinking, 'what if' I begin to want to be alive, 'what if' I leave this lifestyle that I've grown accustom to and change it, obviously its not making me happy. 'What if' I start trying to improve myself. As you begin to focus on the "what if" scenario you'll come to a point where you'll ask yourself, "well do I really want to change?" This is where you will face your demons. Now you have to choose, you are at a crossroads. If I were you, I would start to focus on the things you want out of life not the things you don't want. You are responsible for your life. Make it count. Getting involved with people that help to build you up not tear you down. People that are focused on building a better life can be a wonderful influence.  

 Most importantly, learn to forgive. Forgiveness will put out the flame of guilt, anger and animosity. You can start with forgiving yourself. Sometimes we carry within ourselves, things that we're not proud we did, or things that we've done that hurt others. This can weigh heavily on our hearts. You can make ammends with some but you have to let it go and forgive yourself. Then forgive those who have done you wrong. This can be most uplifting for us. Emotionally and spiritually. Its like purging your system of something that was making you ill. This can be, in no doubt the point of never returning to your old ways of thinking and living. Because once you've forgiven these things, you have opened the door to caring for and loving yourself. It's alright..you can love yourself now.  

Everyone eventually learns that life is way too short. I'm still trying to get my brain around how fast it continues to be. And the older we get, the faster it goes. So what do we do when we know we only get so much time to do things? We do as much as we can that will be of benefit for our lives, right? So doesn't it make sense to use what time we have to be as happy and productive as each of us can be? Of course. So we must strive to be happy inspite of all the bs in the world and in our lives. We'll be a better person for it too. But mostly we'll be a happy person and we'll be able to share that happiness with others. I don't know about you all, but I love making others happy because it does make me happy. So sharing the wisdom from life experience, positive advice or words of encouragement, for me, makes me happy to know it just may help someone out there.

And lastly, do you remember when you were younger, and you played games? You would get all excited inside about that one move you were going to make that you knew would allow you to win the game? That was a great feeling. But then sometimes you couldn't win or you moved to the wrong spot and lost. Then you felt kind of bad. But you didn't give up. Because you knew you would have another turn to try again or you knew you would play that game again. And you'd say .."awww, I lost, but I'll win next time!" Well the same principle still applies when we've grown up. We try things out in our lives and some times we don't make it. We may grieve some when we've failed. But remember success is not final and failure is not fatal, its having the courage to carry on that matters. So you try again, something else, it just might be the right thing for you. Think of all you can learn by looking at life this way. Think of all the things you can teach others. Learn to get excited about your life. Life is full of twists and turns. Living it in the haze of an addiction or just giving up on life is cheating yourself out of truly being happy. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy the day.

The person you are is the very Essence of your Being. This Being might be called your soul, your higher self, or your authentic self. The label isn't important, just the acknowledgement that you are more than the physical person reading these words right now. Unshakeable Self Confidence
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Written by Sherrie Vitello

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